


Practice Makes Permanent

by Witch_of_agnesi



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Bottom Ben Mitchell, Bottom Callum "Halfway" Highway, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Butt Plugs, Communication, Dildos, First Time, First Time Bottoming, Fluff, Frottage, Hand Jobs, Happy Ending, Kissing, Lack of Communication, M/M, Massage, Mirror Sex, Miscommunication, More Sex, Much more sex, Phone Sex, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn with Feelings, Riding, Rimming, Sex, Sex Toys, Sex Toys Under Clothing, Showers, Slow Burn, Smut, Soft Ben, Sorry Not Sorry, Switching, Talking, bathing together, oblivious boys, porn with little plot, suction cup dildo, they made me do it, who don’t talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:34:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 48,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26012710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Witch_of_agnesi/pseuds/Witch_of_agnesi
Summary: Callum came out around a year ago after realising he’s been in love with his best friend Ben for most of his life.Problem is, he can’t tell Ben that and he can’t just go and sleep with other men because feelings have to be involved.  So he does the most sensible thing he can think of...He asks Ben to give him experience in sex in the hope that his best friend will eventually fall in love with him too.What can go wrong, right??Update 16/1/21Epilogue chapters now being added!This is pure smut.  Please don’t read if it’s not your cup of tea!Edit: I started posting without actually editing the story properly, so just as a warning, the smut will now actually start at chapter 3.
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Comments: 237
Kudos: 461





	1. The Setup

It’s Saturday night and they’re out in the Prince Albert. They being Jay, Lola, Callum and Ben. It’s their normal Saturday night thing, to go out as a foursome, have fun, some drinks and a laugh, catch up with their weeks. Not that they don’t see each other all week, Callum works with Jay, Jay owns a business with Ben, Ben lives with Lola, Jay and Lola are dating, Ben is Callum’s best friend, he lives in the same building as Ben and Lola so they see each other every night practically. But they do this without fail.

Callum’s a lightweight, he knows that, despite his height he’ll be the first one drunk and making a fool of himself. But he’s trying to keep a lid on his alcohol consumption recently because he doesn't want to blurt out his biggest secret. He’s in love with Ben. He’s been in love with him for ages, really, but he’s only been brave enough to admit it for the last year, first to himself and that was hard enough, to realise that the overwhelming happiness he feels when he’s with Ben is different to what he feels with Jay and Lola. Then to look back over their entire friendship and remember feelings and thoughts that he’d tried to surpress or forget about and realise they were all things he had fallen in love with. The wise cracks, the jokes, the way he hides his soft heart so well but would do anything for those he was close to, the way his eyes would light up when Callum came into a room, the way they’d sit for hours, playing video games, chatting, debating, laughing. But he was brought up to believe he had to marry a woman and these feelings for Ben caught him so unaware that he hid them for so long. Until one night, after he’d spent six months telling himself the truth but still hiding it from everyone else, he blurted it out in the Vic. “I’m gay,” he’d just dropped into casual conversation. Give them their due, the three of them had been utterly unfazed and not treated him any different and he was now happy. Well, as happy as he could be, considering he could never tell Ben he loved him and Ben had never shown anything other than friendship in him. He doesn’t want to lose their friendship, it’s the most important thing in his life.

One of the other things they do, apart from drink lots of alcohol, is talk about the men in the bar, they’ve been trying to set up Callum since he came out. Ben doesn’t need the help, he’s always off with other men, nothing more than a one night fling, casual sex, he’s so confident, so cheeky, so wonderful that he just draws men in. But he still finds time to sit with them before he gets his hook up that week, to rank and rate the men that Callum could go out with. Callum turns them all down. He could say yes, go back home with some random person, but he wants Ben and he doesn’t want to sleep with someone when it means nothing to him. And add on the fact that he's never been with a man, never even properly kissed a man, and he’s so out of his depth he doesn’t know what to do.

This week, they’ve dissected the tall blonde at the bar, the stocky red haired guy with startling green eyes by the toilet, the dark, handsome man who’s dancing on the floor but Callum’s found a reason to say no to them all.  _ He’s taller than me, I don’t like green eyes, he’s too athletic.  _ They respond by asking him what on earth a guy needs to do to be able to get into his pants, is he looking for perfection or wanting to become a monk? In the end, he goes and sulks by the bar waiting for another round of drinks just to get away from their teasing. 

He’s resting his head in his hands, trying to stop his brain from running in circles when he feels a presence by his arm. He doesn’t even need to look up to know who it is, he can tell by the smell of aftershave alone. “What?” he snaps a little, meeting Ben’s blue eyes head on.

“What’s wrong?” Ben shoulder checks him and stays close, eyes lingering over Callum’s face like he can solve all the problems he has.

“I don’t want to just go with anyone,” Callum practically whines.

“Why not?” Ben shrugs, like it’s that easy. “You’re gorgeous, Callum, you’re wonderful and you’re fantastic. All these guys should be falling over themselves to get with you.”

Callum can’t tell him the full truth, that he doesn’t want anybody that’s not Ben, so he settles for the half truth. “I have, like, no experience with men. What if I don’t know what to do?”

Ben chews on his lip. “Cal, you need to get experience to have experience. Find someone you like, someone you trust and someone who’ll treat you well. Maybe they can help?” His voice grows softer as he speaks, his eyes unfathomable to Callum, his fingers closing around the beer mat in front of him. “Maybe someone like me?”

“Like you,” Callum repeats, feeling like the conversation has suddenly taken a strange turn.

Ben’s mouth quirks up at one corner, but before he can say anything else, the barman gives them their drinks and the conversation ends.

But Callum’s still thinking about it, and it’s Lola that pushes his thoughts in one clear direction. When she’s drunk she’s a lot more vocal than the other two and she’s made comments to him before that he always managed to deflect but tonight he just can’t, mind still caught up in that conversation at the bar. They’re dancing when she says, “why aren’t you and Ben together yet?”

“Because he doesn’t like me like that,” is the response he says instead of denying anything, causing her to blink owlishly at him and makes him hope she is so drunk she can’t remember this the next day.

“You know he’ll do anything for you, right, he’s your best friend. I think he likes you more than that too, but don’t tell him I said anything, he’ll be so angry!”

Late at night, once he was in bed, the words between Ben and himself and the ones Lola said keep on running through his mind. Ben is his best friend, Ben had offered to help him out. Maybe he should take the offer up? It’s not like a relationship with him, but maybe he can convince him that Callum is worth trying something for? That if he helps Callum out, Ben will realise how much he’s loved and maybe fall in love with him too? It’s a strange thing to think but it’s all Callum has. And he knows he’s going to at least ask.

So that’s why the next morning finds him knocking on Ben’s front door, his palms sweaty and heart pounding already in his chest. Ben opens the door, dressed in the maroon T-shirt that Callum loves and it almost derails him. Ben invites him in for a drink but he this is not exactly the sort of conversation he wants to have sitting around the kitchen table where he spends a lot of his time normally and where he can hear Lola’s voice and he also does not want to do it in listening distance of, well, anybody. So he suggests they go for a walk and Ben agrees even though he looks at Callum like he’s gone crazy.

They end up on a bench in the local kids park , the one they used to meet at when they were teenagers so it feels sort of right to ask him here. They sit at the bench with cans of coke and Callum plucks up enough courage to ask. “Last night, when we were talking about why I don’t just sleep with someone.”

“Yeah,” Ben says warily.

“I don’t know anything. I know I need experience and you’re right, it needs to be with someone I trust. Like you. So would you like to do it? Help me get experience with men.”

Ben’s blinking his eyes at him, like he can’t believe what Callum’s just said and part of him wants to take it back, hide it back under the rock it came from but it’s out there now and he can’t. Maybe he’s come on too strong? He tries to soften the question. “I mean, I know you don’t like me like that, you’d be doing me a massive favour and I get it if you’d rather not, if you prefer just casual sex. But I’d like it, I trust you more than I trust anyone else in the world.”

Ben’s still blinking, open mouthed, a look passes over his face that Callum cannot interpret at all. Eventually he breathes out, “let me get this straight. You want me to have sex with you to get you experience so you can find yourself another man?”

Callum winces at the brutal truth, even if it’s not fully true - he does want Ben, not any other man. “Not just sex,” he adds. “Kissing, blow jobs, touching, sex toys, anything.” Ben’s staring at him, eyes wide, and Callum has never regretted anything more. “I’m sorry, forget I said anything.”

But Ben’s hand shoots out and grabs his arm. “Wait, wait, I haven’t said no,” he says and Callum almost stops breathing. Ben’s thinking things over, slow and sure and when he looks up at Callum his face is carefully blank. “You haven’t kissed a man before?” he asks.

Callum can feel his face turning red, tries to force memories out of his head because they don’t count, but this is Ben and he started this whole mess himself so he has no one else to blame and he has to be honest. “No,” is all he says, low and quiet.

There’s another silence but Ben hasn’t released his arm yet. His eyes are changing, growing soft and warm and fond as he looks over Callum, and he bites his lip. “Ok,” he says.

“What?” Callum didn’t actually expect this and it’s thrown him completely off kilter. 

“Ok, I’ll help you out, for as long and as much as you need. But I have three conditions, one, we're exclusive whilst we're doing this, I won’t sleep with anyone else and you can’t either. Two, if you find someone you want to be with, that’s fine, we end this and just go back to being friends again. And three, we always practice safe sex, condoms, lube at all times.”

“Yeah, of course,” Callum mumbles.

“I think we need to both think carefully about this. Take the day. If you’re still interested, come to my house after dinner tomorrow, around 8. Lola’s staying at Jay’s then so we’ll have the flat to ourselves. We can talk about it then or get started if that’s what you still want.”

Ben’s looking at him, and he feels a flash of heat in his stomach that is all to do with their arrangement. He knows it’s bad, but the chance to actually do this is what he’s been after for years and even though it’s a friends with benefits arrangement it’s more than he ever thought he’d have. And maybe it will work, maybe Ben will realise he is worth more than just one night of sex.

“That’s fine,” he says in reply. “I’ll see you then?”

Ben raises his hand and presses a kiss to his knuckles. “See you then.”


	2. Kissing

Callum flits around in his flat all afternoon and at work the next day, unable to sit still and just do something to keep himself occupied. All he can think about is Ben, what they’ve agreed to do, what that means. He’s not stupid. He knows this will change how he looks at Ben, but it’s too tempting, he can’t say no. And he wants to know what sex is like with a man. He’s had girlfriends in the past, but he’s never really done anything with any of them, not enjoying himself and too scared to do anything past kissing and a bit of touching. He’s never felt this before, this anticipation building in his stomach, the ache deep inside thinking about what may happen. And it’s with Ben. The boy he’s loved for ages. The one he trusts more than any other. The person who he’s imagined having sex with for months. His best friend. He wants it so badly and at the same time he’s scared that this will change their friendship and he doesn’t want that to happen at all. 

But ultimately he can’t think about anything else and so the next day just before 8 he leaves his flat, locking the door with shaking hands and makes his way upstairs to Ben and Lola’s flat. When he knocks the door is flung open immediately, almost like Ben was waiting in the hallway just in case he turned up. He looks gorgeous, face flushed, eyes bright, a smile on his face as he looks up at Callum. “Hi,” Callum says and he’s so nervous he feels almost awkward. 

“Hi,” Ben breathes and moves away from the door, letting Callum in, and as he shuts it behind him, Callum knows they are going to do this, consequences be hanged.

They sit at the kitchen table and Ben gives him a glass of water, sits opposite him and watches him out of almost cautious eyes. “You’re here,” he says.

“Yeah,” Callum shrugs, tries to make it not be a big deal. “I’m here. If you still want to do this, that is.”

Ben swallows and Callum tracks the hard movement of his Adam’s apple. “Yeah, OK, I do want to do this,” he says and is that the decision has been made, he leans over the table towards Callum and his nervousness has gone. “So, tell me about the experience you have.”

Callum can feel himself going red and it makes him more embarrassed because he wants this which means he has to feel comfortable talking to Ben. And he does, normally, if this were in the pub he’d be chatting about what (or what not to be more honest) he’s gotten up to in the past. But this is different, knowing full well where this is heading and he’s shy to admit it. “I’ve kissed a few girls, had sex once and hated it, thought I was wrong for not liking it but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it again. Realised why when I admitted I liked men but I need to have a connection to sleep with someone and I’ve never found that. So pretty much no experience,” he says quickly, like pulling a plaster off in one go, maybe it’ll hurt less if he yanks it all out fast. 

Ben looks at him, soft and fond, and the pity he’s been dreading is nowhere to be seen, just warmth shining from his eyes. “It’s hard, coming out, takes a lot of guts. Did I tell you how brave I thought you were when you told us you were gay?” as Callum shakes his head, he reaches over the table and takes his hand. “You are incredible, Callum, remember that. Whoever you pick in the future will be lucky to have you.”

They sit in silence for a while before Ben shakes himself and hauls his laptop over the table, moving so he’s now sitting next to Callum and that’s even more distracting, having him so close. “So, you’re like a blank canvas, not sure what you like or not?” he says, and he lets his hand rest on the back of Callum’s neck. They’ve always been touchy-feely but this is the first intimate gesture he’s made since their little talk and the slow circles he’s tracing on Callum’s neck are driving him to distraction. “It’ll be my pleasure to help you work out what you do like, whether that’s topping or bottoming or both.”

“What do you like,” Callum asks softly, “is there anything I can do for you or need to avoid?”

Ben looks at him quietly, mouth slightly open like he’s shocked at the question, like no ones asked him that before. In the end he gulps and says, “I like most things, and anything you want to do to me I’ll like. I’m sure of it. Besides, all either of us have to do is say stop if we don’t feel comfortable, I trust you so much and I guess you trust me too.”

Callum leans into the touch on his neck, feeling hot all over. “I do trust you,” is all he says but he means so much more.

“Right,” Ben looks at him for another second, and it’s so easy to drown in his blue eyes that it’s almost a shock when he clears his throat, opens up the laptop and shows it to Callum. It’s opened to a well known sex toys website and Callum yet again can feel the heat in his cheeks, sure his ears and neck must be red too and he’s so aware that Ben is still touching him so can surely feel the warmth of his skin. Ben leans closer, breath skating over his ear. “A treat for us both. Have a look through this, see if there’s anything you like, we’ll get it. Anything at all.”

Even though he’s embarrassed he’s also so turned on, by Ben’s closeness, by the maddening circles on his neck, by the array of toys in front of him. In the end, he only chooses a sleek vibrator because he knows what it does, and Ben clicks his tongue and adds in lots more stuff and the biggest bottle of lube before checking it all out. It’s going to be delivered to Callum’s flat at the weekend and he can’t even find it in himself to be worried in case the box opens and the postman sees what’s in there because it’s come from Ben.

After he’s put the laptop away, Ben pulls him over to the sofa and they sit in silence, the TV on low in the background but neither watching it, shadows being cast over their faces. Ben’s raking his eyes over and over his face, he’s put his hand on Callum’s knee and Callum wants to touch so badly. So he does, leans forward and lets his hand rest on Ben’s thigh. He wants to touch his cheek, but that would be too soft, too romantic and this isn’t that, Ben doesn’t like him like that, no matter how much he wishes it. Ben sighs at the touch of Callum’s hand, like he’s been waiting for it all night and he shifts, turning to face Callum and tucking his other leg under his body. “I can’t believe you’ve not kissed a man,” is all he says. “You’re gorgeous. Surely you’ve had people asking you?”

Callum gulps, and all he says is, “I never met anyone I wanted to kiss and mean it. It has to mean something to me.”

Ben’s still looking at him and he nods. “I know, you’re too good for this world, Callum.” He pauses, lets his fingers stroke over Callum’s knee. “Can I kiss you then? If we’re going to do this, then kissing is a big deal for me.”

“I thought you said you don't really kiss your hookups?” Callum is startled enough to ask.

Ben looks up at him through dark, long eyelashes, and Callum is so gone. “I don’t normally, but you’re different, I trust you and if we’re going to do this properly then you deserve to be kissed.”

Callum gulps again, nods once and then Ben shifts forward on the sofa until their knees are pressing against each other and he slowly leans in, watching Callum carefully. In the end, it’s Callum that bridges the final gap, wanting this more than anything, and he is the one to press their lips together in a gentle, slow kiss, just a brief touch of lips.

When they pull back and Ben’s looking at him to check he’s ok, the thoughts are spiralling in his mind. Kissing never felt like this before, it’s always seemed like a waste of time, an exchange of germs, something he never felt like he wanted to do, but this single press of lips has him feeling something so different. He’s drawn back in before he can even process his thoughts.

Ben’s lips are lovely, soft, but firm under his as the kiss grows more and more passionate, Ben curls his fingers around his head, dips him down slightly and then lets his tongue run over Callum’s lips. Callum groans and Ben moans, and it’s soft and wet and Callum’s brain grinds to a halt, everything narrowing down to the feeling of Ben’s lips, Ben’s mouth. Ben makes a faint noise against Callum’s lips, sucking Callum’s bottom lip into his mouth and nipping at it gently.

He has to pull back, breathing heavily, and Ben has a pretty flush high on his cheeks, hands moving to Callum’s shoulders, swallowing heavily. “God, it's never felt like that before,” he manages to say.

“Good,” Ben murmurs against his lips and then they’re kissing again, slow and soft and Callum starts to get so lost in it. Ben’s nipping at his lips again, making them red and swollen and then he slides his tongue against the seam of Callum’s lips and he gasps and Ben licks into his mouth. It’s so overwhelming, Callum realises he’s so glad it’s Ben he’s doing this with. Ben presses him back down on the sofa, pulling back to check, “is this OK?” and Callum nods frantically and then Ben’s crawling over him once he’s lying down, kissing him again. Callum can now feel his thighs straddling his hips, the weight of him comfortable and safe on top as he presses him into the sofa. He knows Ben must be able to feel how hard his heart is beating, he just hopes it’s not too much. Ben licks into his mouth again and this time Callum returns the gesture, feeling the groan that rumbles out of Ben deep in his own stomach. His tongue flicks over the back of Ben’s teeth and the noise that that wrings out of him is so delicious it makes his toes curl. Callum does it again and again until Ben pulls sharply back, fully red and breathing hard.

They kiss maybe ten or twelve more times, slow, heated, lazy and thick, and Callum’s lost all track of time when Ben pulls back, eyes hazy. He moves his body away from Callum, pulls them both up to sitting. “We’d better stop there tonight,” he whispers, holding Callum’s hand loosely. “Don’t want to push things after all.”

Callum’s both glad and sad he’s stopped things, glad because he’s so aroused that he’d do anything and he can’t ruin their friendship, he just can’t, but also sad because he’s never experienced pleasure like it before. Ben seems to understand, his thumb tracing circles in the back of Callum’s hand. “That was so different to the kissing I’ve done before,” he says eventually and Ben smirks, back to normal.

“Good different or bad different,” he asks.

“Good. Definitely good,” Callum says.

“Glad to be of service,” he grins and just like that, things are back to normal


	3. Hand Jobs

Tuesday night is game night as Lola’s out at her Spanish class (she seems to drink more wine than learn the language to Callum’s eyes at least) and Ben and Jay always come round to Callum’s flat to hang out. This week is no different apart from the fact that Callum feels his stomach tightening into knots when he’s near Ben. He’d popped up to see him after work yesterday and it had ended with them making out in the kitchen whilst Ben cooked dinner. Kissing has quite quickly become his favourite thing to do in the world, but he has a large gaping hole in his chest when it’s over because he knows Ben’s only doing this to help him out. He’s trying to make a plan to get Ben to realise that he’s worth more than just this friends with benefits arrangement but so far he can’t think past Ben’s lips and Ben’s mouth and Ben’s tongue. It’s driving him to distraction and he’s burnt the food for tonight and had to order in pizza to hide the fact from the other two.

He ends up sitting next to Ben on the sofa after they’ve eaten, watching as he plays and wins against Jay at FIFA. Jay hands the controller over to Callum with a grimace and he picks his favourite team and they start their match. He’s just scored a goal and is winning when he feels Ben shift closer to him, press his knee briefly against Callum’s then move it back but it’s distracted Callum so much he loses the ball and Ben’s scored before he can get it back. He huffs a little, can see the half smirk on Ben’s face but just chalks it down to an accident. However, when he’s in the last third, aiming to get back into the lead, Ben presses the entire length of his leg from calf to thigh to Callum’s and this time he doesn’t move away, letting a long line of heat settle. Callum’s mouth goes dry and he can’t focus on the game, only on the man sitting next to him. Ben ends up winning again and an oblivious Jay gets annoyed, decides he’s had enough and is going to pick Lola up and leaves them.

“You alright there, loser,” Ben grins at Callum once the door is shut.

“You played dirty!” Callum says, but he can’t stop the answering smile from appearing on his lips.

It’s still like nothing’s changed, they still joke and mess around as before, but there’s now a charged atmosphere between them, and Ben’s smile changes, grows hotter as he turns around to face Callum fully. Before he really knows it, they’re lying back on the sofa, Ben’s body blanketing him, exploring each other's mouths again. Callum knows how to drive him crazy by now, flicks his tongue against the back of Ben’s teeth, listens to the whimpers as he sucks on his tongue, feels the way Ben’s toes curl against his calves as he bites at his lips.

But this time Ben pulls back, lips reddened, eyes dark as he rakes them over Callum’s face. “You want to do something more,” he half asks, half offers and Callum’s nodding before he even finishes the question.

“Yeah,” he says, “yeah.”

Then Ben’s standing up and pulling him into his bedroom and the heat hits his stomach hard with the knowledge that they’re doing this. Ben kisses him again when they get inside his bedroom, standing on his toes to reach and Callum pulls him into his arms, sinking into the warmth. When Ben pulls back this time, his fingers are at the hem of Callum’s T-shirt. “Anytime you want me to stop, just say so,” he says as he slips his fingers underneath and starts to peel it off Callum’s body. He gets the T-shirt off and follows swiftly with his jeans and boxers. Then he places his hand in the centre of Callum’s chest and pushes him backwards until his legs hit the bed and he’s sprawling across the duvet naked and aroused.

Ben gets on his knees on the bed and kisses him again but Callum breaks it, tugs at Ben’s shirt himself, “please,” he murmurs and Ben slants his lips over his again with a groan, only stopping to get his top over his head and then returning to the kiss. Callum manages to get his jeans off too but he holds a hand up and stops him before he can tuck his fingers into his boxers. 

“Let me do this,” he says. “Just enjoy yourself.” And as he’s kissing him this time, his hand is tracing slow circles over Callum’s chest, rubbing over his nipples. It makes Callum gasp into Ben’s mouth and he does stop kissing him then, sits back a little and just grins at Callum. “Nice?” he enquires, raising an eyebrow and at Callum’s gulp, he sets to his task, pebbling first one then the other nipple between his fingers, gently at first and with a little more pressure when he sees what must be written all over Callum’s face. Then he bends over and blows hot air over his right nipple, watching as Callum can’t keep the keen inside, clutches the sheets with fingers that are shaking already. Ben gets a wicked smile on his face and then he gets even closer and licks the nipple, tongue flat and broad against Callum’s chest. He keeps his mouth close and when Callum raises his head and just looks down, mouth falling open in pleasure, he takes it in between his lips and kisses it. The heat sparkles down Callum’s spine into his belly, his dick, and he can’t help the involuntary buck of his hips upwards. Ben’s grinning at him, leans over to repeat the same thing to his other nipple and Callum has to close his eyes to stop himself from feeling too much. They’re just nubs of skin, he can’t believe they feel so good.

Ben stays focused on his chest, whilst he lets his other hand move slower downwards, over Callum’s stomach, dipping into his belly button and skating through the trail of hair lower. Then he pauses, surges upwards to kiss him softly as he lets his fingers close around Callum’s cock. 

Callum’s had hand jobs before, with old girlfriends, even if he’s never really enjoyed them and always felt ashamed, and he’s touched himself but nothing has prepared him for the feeling of Ben’s hand wrapped around him. He can’t help the noise that is pushed out of his throat, back arching as Ben slowly trails his fingers up and down his dick, rubbing harder under the head. He watches Callum’s face, and Callum can’t look at him any longer, shutting his eyes or this will all be over embarrassingly quickly. He feels Ben’s huff of a laugh over his lips as he lets his fingers curl back around the shaft and pumps him, one, two, three times. He stops and Callum can’t stop the complaint from falling out of his mouth, but Ben’s just looking around. “You got the lube I mentioned?” he asks and Callum has to try to speak, with his eyes still shut, which feels like an almost impossible task.

“Top drawer,” he manages to breathe out and he hears it open, Ben obviously doing it one handed as he’s still got his other hand curled around his dick. He hears the snick of the cap and then Ben’s sliding his hand up and down again and this time it’s wet and slick and Callum can’t stop the loud moan, it feels so good. His eyes shoot open when he feels Ben cup his balls with his other hand, rolling them around as he’s jacking him off with the other. Ben’s watching what’s he’s doing, looking down at Callum and he can’t help but groan at how erotic the whole thing is. Then Ben’s eyes snap to his face and a slow smile spreads over his mouth as he deliberately presses harder, firmer, lets his thumb slide over the slit and that’s it, Callum’s coming, cock pulsing in Ben’s hand as he shoots over it. Ben leans down and strokes and kisses him through it, letting him grasp his shoulders as the aftershocks pass through his body.

He’s still kissing him when Callum reaches his hand down and presses his palm against the bulge in his boxers. Then he pulls back, eyes dark, and says, “you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to,” like the sap he is.

“I want to,” Callum says, fingers hooking in the waistband of his boxers and Ben moans, an almost gutteral sound that’s been punched out of him and shimmies out of his underwear so quickly it’s almost like a magic trick. Callum pushes him so he’s flat on the bed and gets on his knees, then sits back, he wants to see what he’s doing. This is the first time he’ll have touched another man's dick and he’s not sure what to do to make sure Ben feels good.

Ben seems to know, touches his face gently. “Just enjoy yourself,” he says. “You know what feels good to you, it will feel good to me too.”

So Callum lets his fingers trail over the side of Ben’s cock, it’s hard but oh so soft against his fingers, almost a contradiction and he’s so overwhelmed with how it feels under his touch, hot, heat radiating from the skin. He moves his fingers down from the head to the base, following the vein on the underside and Ben makes a wounded sound, like a whimper, and his cock throbs under Callum’s touch, hardens even more. He looks up, Ben’s got a look of absolute awe on his face and he’s letting Callum explore without saying anything or hurrying him up and Callum’s so thankful it’s Ben he’s doing this with. He gulps, tries to hide how he’s feeling but doesn’t quite get there, and Ben reaches out, pulls him in with one hand curved around his neck and kisses him once. “I won’t break,” he whispers and then lies back down flat in the bed, letting Callum have his own way.

He explores the head of Ben’s cock, playing with the slit and the tip for a while, watching and listening for Ben’s moans, groans and cries of pleasure, gets used to the heaviness and warmth in his palm as he slicks up his hand with lube and starts to move his fist up and down, watching as the head of Ben’s cock moves into and out of his hand. It’s incredible, knowing that he’s the one that’s giving Ben this pleasure, that he can make him feel this good. He remembers what Ben did to him that felt good and reaches further down between his legs, strokes over Ben’s balls and then watches as Ben falls to pieces on the bed, coming all over Callum’s fingers with the prettiest sound Callum’s ever heard.

They’re both breathing heavily, as Callum reluctantly lets go of Ben’s cock and hovers over him in a daze, until Ben grabs him and pulls him closer, kisses him. He pulls a face at his come over Callum’s hand and fishes around for one of their T-shirt’s to wipe it off, before smiling up at him. “How was that?” he asks

“Pretty good,” Callum says, tries to keep it from being too enthusiastic but can’t keep the grin from his face. “But maybe I need more practice?”

Ben laughs. “Well, feel free to practice with me anytime you want to!” he grins.

Callum takes him up on that offer a lot for the rest of the week, sneaking into each other’s flats whenever they can, getting hands wrapped around each other’s cocks as quickly as possible. He starts to learn what makes Ben tick, what makes him groan deep in his throat, what makes his body writhe and arch and how his dick feels in his palm. For his part, Ben shows him things he can do with his fingers, stroking just under the head, rubbing up the ridge on the side, pressing against the perineum. Everything he does to Callum makes him feel so much and the way he responds when Callum tries the same things makes his head spin. When he tries to touch himself later on in his own bed, it’s nice but it’s nothing like having Ben’s clever fingers, calloused and warm, holding him and it’s only when he imagines Ben over him that he can get aroused.

There’s an amazing night when Ben sneaks into his room once Lola has gone to bed and he takes both of them in hand at the same time and Callum comes embarrassingly quickly. Ben just watches him through it with hot eyes and doesn’t make any comment even when Callum’s turning red, just breathes with him and kisses him. Callum’s never felt like this about sex before and it’s a revelation to him. He never wants it to stop. Even if every single time it happens, that hole is in his chest when he realises it’s nothing more than sex to Ben, that he doesn’t love him.


	4. Blow Jobs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What the title says...

It’s the weekend pretty quickly and the box has arrived. Callum takes one look at it and then stuffs it in his wardrobe, face flaming red. He’s still overwhelmed by just kissing and touching Ben and he doesn’t think he’s quite ready to use any of the sleek toys inside, at least, not just yet. 

Ben asks about it once, and when he sees the look on Callum’s face, he touches his cheek gently and says, “just let me know when you’re ready,” and that’s that. For the millionth time Callum is so thankful it’s Ben he’s doing this with, even if his heart is near to cracking into tiny pieces every time he has to leave him and go back to his cold flat and bed alone.

This Saturday is the week when Jay and Lola go out on their monthly date night and normally Ben and Callum would go to the pub alone, but tonight, Callum’s standing outside Ben’s door with a bottle of wine, after suggesting they practice some more. Ben had offered to cook and he’s ignoring the fact that this feels a little bit like a date, trying to focus on what’s actually happening, it’s only their arrangement, nothing more, Ben’s made that clear to him.

Ben lets him in and he’s made lasagna and it’s cooking in the oven so it’s ok for Callum to pull him in, to let his fingers dance under the hem of Ben’s T-shirt and then Ben’s pulling him into the bedroom and they get each other off in tandem. It doesn’t matter if it’s quick or slow, Ben’s fingers always make him feel special and wanted. So when they sit down for slightly browned lasagna they’re both a little boneless, dressed only in boxers and tops, bare feet brushing under the table. Ben’s a little sod, he waits until Callum’s got a mouthful of food before saying, “ so, I was wondering if I could blow you later? See how you like that?”

Callum chokes a little on his food, having to grab water to help it down and to try to cool his hot cheeks. He’s never given or received a blow job, it was something he refused to let a girl do when touching had felt wrong. And he’s looked and watched and read how to do it, even if it’s different in theory and in practice. But it’s something he wants to do and he manages to nod at the smirking Ben opposite him. It would be disconcerting, how much even talking about sex embarrasses him, if Ben didn’t look at him so endearingly every time they spoke about it. 

He’s not sure how he gets through the rest of dinner but Ben’s asking him about the cake he’s got for dessert and all he can do is look up at him instead, the idea of Ben’s mouth making his brain short circuit. And Ben takes one look at Callum, grabs him by the hand and kisses him hard. “You look at me like you’re going to devour me,” he says softly.

Callum doesn’t quite know what to say to that apart from the truth so he stays silent, kisses Ben back and says, “someone promised me a blow job?”

Ben laughs, blue eyes crinkling adorably and he looks around them. “My bedroom then,” he says, “there is no way I’m doing anything on the sofa that Lo and Jay sit on. At least, not yet, maybe if they really annoy me. Or you, of course.” 

Ben keeps his boxers on but strips his T-shirt off once the doors shut behind them and Callum gulps at the sight of his cock already tenting the thin material now it’s not hidden by the T-shirt. He still can’t believe this is happening sometimes, worries he’s forced Ben into doing it, but his obvious arousal puts his mind at rest, Ben could always say no to him if he wanted to but he’s into this, it’s clear to tell. Ben stands by the door, hands on his hips and cocks his head at Callum. “Strip,” he says, and it’s half a question, half an order and Callum can’t help the noise that comes from his throat as he pulls his T-shirt off and gets his boxers down. He’s hard, cock springing free as he tugs his underwear off quickly, and he can feel Ben, watching him, eyes moving up and down his body and lingering on his dick. Ben licks his lips, just once, and moves until he’s standing right in front of Callum. He searches his eyes, and Callum tries to make his arousal and want and consent clear in them. Ben obviously sees something he likes in there, because he presses one kiss briefly to Callum’s lips, hand cupping his cock, fingers stroking gently and Callum can’t stop the whimper of pure need that's forced out of him. Ben smiles at him before he sinks to his knees in front of him.

His brain almost shorts out at the sight, Ben kneeling, hands on Callum’s thighs, stroking fingers upwards, looking up at him through his eyelashes. He leans forward, breathes gently over the tip of Callum’s dick and he has to look away, head banging on the wall, because it’s almost too overwhelming. He’s never felt so vulnerable, so open in front of another person before but he’s also full of flames because he wants this so much. He lets his fingers stroke through Ben’s hair, trying to convey his feelings without words, and Ben breathes out heavily before leaning close and Callum thinks this is it. But no, Ben drops a row of kisses along his thighs, up to his hipbones, runs his tongue over to his bellybutton when he dips in for a second, before letting his lips trace a path back down towards his cock. He keeps eye contact with Callum as he drops a kiss to the head and Callum’s toes curl with pleasure from that soft touch, the first one he’s ever felt on his cock and the most wonderful feeling he thinks he’s ever had. He then licks a strip down the side of Callum’s cock, tracing the vein with his tongue before pulling back. And then, like the little sod he is, he returns to kissing Callum’s thighs. Callum tightens his fingers slightly in his hair and Ben grins up at him before suddenly and swiftly letting his lips close around just the head of Callum’s cock. He’s doing something with his tongue and he sucks once and Callum can’t believe the heat and the wetness and the suction and he can only tap Ben on the shoulder before he’s coming. Ben swallows him down, and Callum hides his eyes because he’s so embarrassed at how quickly it’s all over. But Ben gets to his feet, pulls him into a tumble on the bed and holds his hands away from his face. “Hey, don’t be shy,” he whispers, keeps his face close so it’s just them, blocking out the world. “I came within 30 seconds during my first blow job too. It’s intense, hey? And we can do it again later. I bet you’ll be ready again soon.”

Callum’s thankful for his words, but he’s still hot and breathing unsteadily so he hides his face in Ben’s shoulder for a minute, letting him stroke his back and neck with soft hands. “I’m sorry,” he eventually manages to say.

“What for?” Ben asks, hands on Callum’s face again as he looks into his eyes. “I enjoyed it, you enjoyed it, sex isn’t always perfect, as long as we both had fun that’s all that matters right? Besides, surely it’s just testament to how good I am in bed? Great for the ego,” and he crinkles his eyes up at Callum and it’s all ok.

Callum kisses him, chases the taste of himself on Ben’s tongue and isn’t quite sure if he likes it or not. Ben obviously knows what’s he doing and he likes it because he tilts Callum’s chin and deepens the kiss. It’s also the first time Callum realises that Ben is still hard, he can feel the heat of his cock pressed against his thigh. He moves his hand down, cups Ben languidly through the thin material of his boxers. “Can I try? I’ve never given head before but I’ve read and watched things.”

Ben’s breathing harder, a flush starting to form over his cheeks and chest. “You don’t have to,” he starts but Callum cuts him off with another kiss.

“I want to, as long as you do?”

“God, I do want it,” Ben breathes and that’s it for Callum, he’s running his hands over Ben’s chest and stomach and pulling his boxers down carefully, releasing Ben’s cock and his mouth waters at the sight of it, hard and weeping and gorgeous. Ben lifts his hips to allow him to remove his boxers fully and then he lies on his back, pulls Callum between his legs and places his hand on his chest. “Explore first, lips, tongue, you can suck, you can kiss but don’t use teeth, ok?” 

Ben’s given him free reign to explore so he does. He’s touched Ben now a number of times, knows how he feels in his hand and the places that make him moan but this is different. He hesitates for a second before moving in and quickly kissing just under the head, just his lips. He can't help the noise that’s punched out of his throat at the feel of someone else’s dick,  _ Ben’s _ dick, under his lips. It’s like nothing he’s ever experienced before and it makes the heat pool in his stomach again. He licks down the vein on the underside all the way to Ben’s balls and he makes a strangled noise above Callum. He hesitates for a second, looking up and making eye contact and Ben’s watching him, breath hitching, biting down on his lip. He slides his fingers loosely into Callum’s hair and he gulps as he looks down, eyes dark and wild, smouldering. Callum lets his lips trail back up Ben’s cock, he’s shivering himself by now, and he lets his tongue dip into the slit at the tip of Ben’s dick, tasting him properly and Ben shuts his eyes and bites back a moan. Callum keeps his lips on the head, looking up and marvelling at how he’s letting him explore, find this out for himself. So he decides to put what he’s read and seen into practice and finally takes Ben’s cock into his mouth. 

Ben does groan then, his name punched out on a exhale, and his fingers tighten in his hair before he releases the tension and lets Callum just swallow around him, hollowing out his cheeks and trying to take as much of Ben’s cock into him as possible. He tries to keep his teeth covered and let his tongue swirl around the shaft as he moves slowly up and down and the noises that Ben makes show that he’s doing ok. He does take too much in, gags and pulls off immediately, coughing a little and Ben just touches his cheek, eyes gentle but doesn’t say anything, lets Callum get back between his thighs and get his mouth back on his cock.

This time he remembers to involve his hand, figuring out how far he can take Ben and making a circle with his fingers and then he starts to move his head, reaching that limit each time. He lets his other hand drop from where it’s been grabbing onto Ben’s hip and lets his fingers stroke and play with Ben’s balls as he jerks him off and swallows around his cock. Ben’s moaning, keening so loud by now, he’s trying to keep his hips from moving and Callum hums his satisfaction at the feelings and Ben’s tapping his shoulder almost desperately. “Callum, I’m going to come,” he manages to rasp and Callum wants to try to do what he did and let him come in his mouth so he hums again, moves his fingers to press against Ben’s perineum and then he’s coming, his cock pulsing in Callum’s mouth as he cries out. Callum tries to swallow but can’t help the reflex action, he pulls off and the last two streams catch him across the cheek.

Ben’s limp on the bed as he crawls back up, but he laughs fondly at Callum and then leans over to grab a tissue and wipe his come from his face tenderly. “How was that?” he asks and he sounds so fucked out Callum’s ridiculously happy.

“It was great,” he breathes.

Ben rolls over to face him and laughs again. “I only gave you a 30 second blow job and you’ve managed to suck my brains out, pretty good going I think. You want to wait around, cuddle for a bit, when you’re up for it again, I’ll give you another go. See if I can get to show you exactly what my mouth can do.”

“That would be nice,” Callum says, even if honestly he means the cuddles more than the blow job. “Although I may need more than one example? So I can perfect my technique I mean.”

Ben pulls him in so they’re resting on their sides close together. “Mmmm, good job I like to both give and receive head then, I guess,” he grins and he kisses Callum slowly.

It takes a while for Callum’s cock to become interested in the proceedings again and they spend that time lying next to each other, talking like nothing’s changed except they’re naked in bed together, and trading slow lazy kisses. This is what Callum wants, this is what he knows he’ll never get and he tries to store all the memories in his head safely for when he inevitably messes this up. They’ve been kissing for what feels like hours when Ben rocks his hips forward and he realises he’s half hard again where he’s pressing up against Ben’s body. Ben rolls him onto his back, sits between his thighs and grins at him.   
  
“Let’s see if you can last longer this time,” he says with a grin and then he’s kissing over Callum’s chest, dipping his tongue into his bellybutton and tracing the line of hair down to Callum’s cock where he pauses for a second, watching Callum. He reaches for his hands and gets Callum’s fingers in his hair before he ducks down and sucks at Callum’s balls briefly.   
Callum can’t help the keening sound that’s dragged out of his throat at the feeling, “oh, god, yes,” he groans and Ben smiles at him before licking his lips and kissing along the length of his dick before engulfing the head in his mouth. 

He’s sucking again but lighter than last time, lips stretched around Callum’s cock and he can’t stop looking at him. He’s doing something with his tongue that’s driving Callum insane, and he pops off for a second, his lips already red and slick and then he runs his tongue lightly around the head, dipping into the slit and kissing around the underside. It feels like Callum’s drunk, his head is swimming with thoughts of Ben and his heart is pounding so hard. Ben watches him with darkening eyes and Callum can’t help the twitch as his cock pulses and Ben moans and then takes him into his mouth fully. He’s using the pressure of his mouth and his tongue as he moves up and down, setting a slow rhythm that has Callum’s head knocking back into the pillows and babbling noises rushing out of his throat before he’s even really started. It’s incredible, the feel of Ben’s mouth around his cock, warm, wet heat and suction and it’s like there’s a blaze of pleasure and sensation building in his stomach and groin. He gets his hands fully into Ben’s hair, carding through it and then stroking over his shoulders and neck where there’s a thin layer of sweat forming. Ben’s watching him still, and as he tugs a little as he pulls his fingers through his hair he moans around his cock and it’s like a chain reaction, Callum feels the pressure building deep within himself. Ben lets his free hand drop down to his balls again, caressing them in his hand and then with a single raised eyebrow, he takes Callum into his mouth fully, right down to the base. The head of Callum’s cock slips into his throat and it’s tight and warm and Callum has to force himself not to react with his hips because he doesn’t want to hurt Ben but he’s making noises he’s never heard himself make before and he’s crying out Ben’s name, trying to warn him that he’s so close, so close.   
Ben pulls off a little, grins wickedly at him. “You’re supposed to come,” is all he says and his voice is so hoarse that Callum moans again and then Ben takes him straight back in, all the way into his throat again and swallows around him, humming in his throat and Callum can’t stop it. His orgasm ripples through his entire body, like white hot lightning, and he’s crying Ben’s name as he pulses and comes down his throat. Ben lets him, swallows everything and then licks up the side of his dick as he slides off, pulling himself up Callum’s body so he’s lying on him.   


Callum’s so overcome, he gets his arms around Ben and just pulls him down into a hug, his body is shaking so hard and Ben lets his hands settle on Callum’s sides and arms and just strokes him through it. When he’s able to look at Ben again, he’s biting his lip as he looks down in awe. “That was beautiful,” he breathes and he hesitates for a second. “Is it OK if I kiss you? Or would you prefer me to brush my teeth first?”

Callum says nothing, but pulls him down into a kiss, trying to let his lips say what he cannot, and if the way Ben sinks into him, into the kiss is anything to go by, he succeeds.


	5. The Vibrator

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> See title.... if it’s not your thing please avoid!

  
  
It’s Thursday and they’re going to the pub quiz. They always do this the week after Jay and Lola have their Saturday date night and so it’s now a tradition. But things feel different today and Callum knows why. It’s the first time they’ll have gone out since he and Ben started their arrangement.

He’s nervous but not about being around Ben, because that’s still fabulous. He’s not changed at all, they’re still friends first and foremost, but now he’s got the added bonus of having lots of sex with him as well. They’ve seen each other every day since it started and Callum’s gotten lots of practise in blow jobs since Saturday night, both giving and receiving them. It’s like he can’t stop himself from wanting to touch, to taste Ben whenever he’s near and Ben’s the same. He knows Ben likes sex, it’s been part of their friendship to see him go off with men every week, and he’s not sure why, but he seems to like sex with Callum too. Callum’s not complaining. He’s enjoying it too much and the fact that it’s Ben it’s with makes it even more incredible.

On the Sunday after the first blow job, Ben had come round to his flat and suggested that they both go and get tested for STIs. “I know you’re clean,” he said, “but then at least you know for sure and I should be tested too. Then you’ll know you’re safe with me, no matter what we do.”

Callum’s first instinct is to say he trusts Ben, but he also knows that this is important and one of Ben’s conditions was safe sex and so he agrees. They went on the Monday together before work, got tested and got their results later that day. They’re both clean and Ben seemed to relax even more. That night they hid out in Callum’s flat and Ben showed Callum how he learnt how to deep throat and then proceeded to demonstrate. In return, once he’d actually got the feeling back in his legs, Callum spent hours improving his gag reflex, kneeling between Ben’s legs and swallowing him as far as he could before waiting and going deeper each time. He still can’t quite get Ben into his throat but he can go deeper now and Ben appears to like it by his reactions and by the way he’s almost desperate to get Callum’s mouth on him when they manage the time together.

But this Thursday they can’t do that and they have to sit by each other in the pub and act like nothings changed, like they haven’t seen each other naked and touched each other and Callum’s not sure how he’s going to be able to cope. What makes it worse is that Jay and Lola have no idea and they’re going to be doing the usual thing - get Ben set up for the night with a hook up and try to set Callum up with a boyfriend. He doesn’t want that, either way. He just wants to go out, sit opposite Ben, try to win the quiz and then go home by himself, knowing Ben is also not with anyone else.

He does make sure he’s dressed up really nice, it doesn’t hurt to make sure Ben’s thinking of him because he knows he doesn’t have a lot going for him really, compared to the vastly more experienced men Ben usually goes for. Ben’s late in joining them, he got back from work later than planned and so Callum’s sitting down in the pub already when he walks in and it’s like the air has been punched out of his chest. He looks gorgeous and it’s hard for Callum not to drag him off to a secluded spot somewhere. 

The teasing does kick in eventually, once they’re no longer in contention for the win - Callum’s distraction with Ben may have something to do with his abysmal failure in the sports round, usually his best. Jay and Lola start pointing out who they think is good looking and trying to convince Callum to go and talk to them. Ben doesn’t join in. Callum’s so thankful, he didn’t know what he’d do if Ben tried to convince him to go as well, but he’s silent, frowning at Jay and Lola when they get too carried away,

“Callum’s a big boy,” he says, and Callum can feel his cheeks going red at that double entendre and Ben knows he’s understood the meaning, “he can choose what he does. Leave him alone, for god's sake.”

But Callum is watching Ben all evening and he doesn’t even look at another man. He’s focused on the quiz, on the three of them only, laughing, joking, chatting and that warm feeling is back in Callum’s chest. It’s the first time in what feels like ages that Ben’s stayed with them, not even flirted with another man, and he’s almost ready to believe that’s because of him.

They can’t go home together because Lola and Jay are staying at the flat too and so they have to walk back apart and then Callum has to go to his cold bed alone. But Ben’s texting him the minute he’s in his bedroom and they spend the next few hours just messaging each other. Callum’s thinking about how much he trusts Ben, how much he wants this and how much he wants Ben to be the first person he’s done everything with. The fact that he didn’t even look at another man makes him realise how much he can trust Ben with his heart and his body and so he slides the box out from the wardrobe he’d hidden it in. He’s ready.

He has to wait until Saturday because Ben’s working late on Friday and by then the anticipation is almost too much to bear. He texts Ben on Saturday afternoon, not too late because they need to get ready for the weekly night out, but earlier than he originally planned because he doesn’t want to wait any longer. The knock on his door comes not even ten minutes later and when he lets Ben in the first thing he does is pull him into his arms and kiss him hello. It’s been three days since they were able to be alone together and two days since he decided what he wanted to do and he’s missed Ben so much.

Ben hums happily into the kiss, returning it with gusto and refusing to let Callum go. They’re still kissing when Callum propels them into the living room and disengages their lips reluctantly. “Do you want a drink?” he asks, trying to be polite and ignore the increasing nerves.

But Ben’s seen the box on the table in the living room and he turns to Callum. His eyes have instantaneously turned dark and he’s licking his lips. “Is that what I think it is?” he asks.

“Yeah,” Callum breathes. “I’m ready, I want to try one of them with you, if that’s ok.”

Ben grins, it lights up his face and Callum stares at him, loses his train of thought with how beautiful he really is. “Oh, I’m ready,” he says, with an almost predatory smile at Callum. “Have you thought about what you want?”

Callum has, has thought about nothing else to be honest. He knows he’s never used anything anally before and he wants to start small, something he thinks he will enjoy but won’t be too overwhelming. And he has a plan that he thinks Ben will like.

He crosses to the box and pulls out the vibrator he chose that very first day. It’s small, about the size of two of his fingers, silver and sleek and it has a remote control which is very important for part of his plan. He shows it to Ben, whose eyes gleam as he considers both it and Callum carefully. “That’ll do nicely. We have lots of time before this evening.”

Callum hesitates for a second, but this is Ben, he can tell him anything. “Actually, I was thinking, maybe I could wear it out tonight?”

Ben stops still and for a second Callum’s scared that he’s gone too far. But then Ben’s crushing his lips to his, pulling him in so tight. “God, Callum,” he breathes. “You’re the single sexiest man I’ve met. Whoever gets you will be very lucky indeed.”

Callum moans into the kiss, wants to say that Ben's the only man he wants but can’t, because Ben’s obviously setting him up for when he does leave and so he just takes what he can now. Ben pulls back, looks at him carefully. “You’ve never been fingered before?” he says, like it’s a question but they both already know the answer.

“No, never,” Callum admits.

“Ok,” Ben takes the vibrator, looks at it carefully. “Two fingers should do it and that’s not too much for your first time. I’m going to make you come just on my fingers first, if that’s ok, it’ll give you the chance to see what it feels like and it will also make it easier for you to last longer tonight with this in. Then we can rest and nap and cuddle for a while and then I’ll get this in just before we go out. Sound ok?”

“What about Lola? Won’t she worry about you?”

“I told her we were playing games all afternoon, she won’t give a damn about where I am,” Ben says and he lets his arms stroke down Callum’s softly. “Are you sure about this?”

“Never been surer of anything,” Callum reassures him.

So that’s how they end up in Callum’s bedroom again, and Ben hesitates for just a second as he looks over Callum, seeing his flushed face and the way he’s biting and licking at his lips. “How do you want to do this,” he asks. “On all fours will be easier for you, but if you want to lie down we can do that too, just need a pillow or something.”

Callum thinks about it but he already knows what he wants. “I want to see you,” he says, and it’s the honest truth, because otherwise it could be anyone doing this to him and he needs to see it’s Ben, needs to know he’ll stop if he’s asked or do more if he wants it.

Ben stifles a moan at that, palms at his own cock briefly and Callum watches with wide eyes because it still amazes him that Ben wants this as much as he does. “OK,” he breathes out and he crosses the room to Callum. He places the vibrator on the bedside table and fumbles for the lube bottle before getting his hands straight away under Callum’s T-shirt and kissing him. Before very long, Callum’s naked in front of him and Ben is still fully dressed and it’s the most sensual thing he thinks he’s ever experienced. He does pull at Ben’s T-shirt and he stammers and it’s nice to see that despite all his hard exterior he’s still affected by what they’re doing as much as Callum is. “Cal… Callum… wait, I need to keep my jeans on at least, please,” he begs and Callum just looks at him. Ben touches his cheek tenderly. “You’re hot,” he says simply. “I don’t want to push it more than we’ve agreed tonight, I’ll take my T-shirt off so it doesn’t get messy but I need to keep my jeans on.”

As he’s talking he kisses Callum’s fingers and then brings their hands down together to press against his dick and it’s hot and hard under his jeans and Callum does whimper at that, the knowledge that Ben wants this, the knowledge that he’s doing this because he wants Callum to be safe and happy and trust him. But he does let Callum pull his T-shirt off and then guides him back to the bed. When he lies down, Ben grabs a spare pillow from the head of the bed and slides it under his hips so they’re tilted upwards and then he nudges Callum’s legs open as wide as they can go and settles in between them. He’s watching Callum closely. Callum knows the mechanics of what happens next, he’s not stupid, but he can feel the anxiety starting to build. And Ben, he just leans over him, hands to his face and nowhere else, and just kisses him.

He kisses sweeter than any other time they’ve kissed so far, tracing the tip of his tongue over Callum’s lips but not pressing in any further, nipping at the edges until Callum’s sure his mouth must be red and they’ve got to go out tonight and hide what they’ve been doing. He catches Ben’s bottom lip between his own and just sucks on it slowly, to stop the biting more than anything, but also to hear the noise that always coaxes out of Ben. Ben caresses down his side, dragging his nails over his chest and shoulders, he’s moved to press open mouthed, hot kisses to Callum’s neck and collarbone and Callum whines high in his throat at the sensation. Then they're trading kisses back and forth and Callum’s almost forgotten what they’re leading up to, he’s so boneless and comfortable under Ben’s hands. 

It feels like hours later that Ben decides he’s relaxed enough and he resettles himself between Callum’s legs. He kisses all over his chest and stomach, little kitten licks and small nips that have Callum writhing below him before long. He’s so hot when he’s focused on what he’s doing, and right now, that’s giving Callum pleasure and it’s the most incredible thing Callum’s ever seen. He slicks up a finger as he watches Callum out of dark eyes, and he’s still kissing his belly and his hips and stroking the skin after his kisses with his other hand. “This shouldn’t hurt, but it will feel strange. Let me know if you want me to stop,” he says between kisses and he starts off by just running his wet finger over Callum’s hole, stroking it gently. Callum tries to keep relaxed under his hands and Ben doesn’t push him, just keeps his fingertips moving and lingering around his rim but nothing more. He’s kissing him still and caressing his belly and Callum’s watching him, watching the intent in his eyes and he can’t help the noises falling from his lips, Ben’s name amongst curse words. Ben inches up the bed so he’s closer, his arm must surely be aching at this angle but he doesn’t stop stroking with both hands and he gets his lips back onto Callum’s. And then he slides the tip of one finger just inside Callum’s body.

Callum does get tense then, but Ben doesn’t move, kisses him through it until he’s relaxed enough to slide the finger in deeper. It’s slow and slick and once the burn has vanished it feels good. Strange to think that it’s Ben's finger inside him, but so good, so full and before he knows it, he’s moaning into Ben’s mouth. “That good?” Ben checks and Callum can’t speak, can only nod, but Ben smiles anyway, pulls his finger out to get more lube on it and slides it back in up to his second knuckle. He then starts a dragging slide out and back in, letting his finger rub over Callum’s insides as he does it and Callum can’t control himself, can’t stop himself from clutching onto Ben’s shoulders and keening as he strokes and rubs and touches where he’s never been touched before. His hips are starting to move with no real control from him, sliding Ben’s finger in deeper as he moves and he just closes his eyes and feels. 

“Two fingers?” Ben whispers and he’s so close, face pushed against Callum’s hairline where he’s sweating so much and when Callum forces his eyes open he looks so sexy, cheeks flushed bright red, eyes almost black. 

“Yeah, god, Ben, yeah,” Callum manages to mumble and Ben slicks up again, he must be using half the bottle of lube and he breathes deep and then slides in a second finger too.

Callum can’t help himself, he arches his back at the feeling of two fingers inside him, setting a steady rhythm in and out, dragging against him every time they move. Ben’s relentless, pushing and pulling and driving him crazy. He’s biting his lip and Callum leans up, replaces his teeth with his own and Ben’s moaning too as he lets Callum bite at his lips, and they’re bouncing off each other now. Ben’s searching for something as they nip at each other and then he crooks his finger and finds Callum’s prostate.

Callum’s read about it, he’s seen porn and he knows what it does but he’s so not prepared for the feeling of having Ben touch and stroke and massage the nub inside him. It’s white hot pleasure, coursing through his veins. He’s writhing on the bed, back arching, fingernails scrabbling at Ben’s shoulders, crying out with pleasure as Ben keeps the movement up. He can feel the pressure building at the base of his spine, liquid warm and so good. He manages to drag his eyes open and Ben’s watching him, his eyes wide and full of lust, biting his lip again as Callum has no capacity to do anything except breathe and even that feels like it’s overrated. It’s the look in Ben’s eyes as he gazes at Callum, hungry, hot and needing and the way he lets his third finger just skim over his rim that pushes Callum over the edge. He’s like a tightly coiled spring that suddenly has been released, his orgasm rips through his body like shattering glass, quick, hard, fast. He’s flying, Ben’s name on his lips as he comes, it’s the best feeling he’s ever had. Ben keeps fingering him through it, his eyes fixed on Callum, his breathing uneven. When he’s finally done, Ben slips his fingers out and Callum can’t help the whimper that’s drawn up from his throat at the loss of fullness. Ben notices, of course he does, “are you OK?” he asks anxiously and Callum tries to explain with the current limited word capacity he has.

Ben seems to get it though, and he leans into Callum, kisses him and slips one finger back inside. He’s weaning him down gently, kissing him through the aftershocks, letting his one finger stroke his over sensitive skin before letting it slide back out once he’s sure Callum is ok. He’s pressing close, and Callum gets his hands around his shoulders, holds on with shaky fingers and just breathes the air between their mouths because kissing is still beyond him. He wants to say how good it was, how good it made him feel but he can’t form any words and Ben just kisses him slowly, lets him come back down and cuddles him close. He does get up, leaving Callum sprawled over his sheets, pads to the bathroom and returns with a warm cloth that he swipes over Callum’s chest gently, wiping away the remnants of his orgasm, before throwing it to one side and pulling Callum into his arms. They lie like that for a while, before Callum gets his head back together, and it’s so nice, being cuddled by Ben, but it’s also a little too much and he’s not sure if he’s allowed to do it. When he tries to pull back, Ben makes a protesting noise and he gives in, sliding his arms back around his waist and snuggling closer. He is able to speak, with his face pressed into Ben’s shoulder it’s also easier because he doesn’t have to look at him.

“That was incredible,” he says, because he can still feel the ghosts of Ben’s fingers inside him and he wants it again, so badly, and more besides that.

“Good,” Ben says and he sounds so pleased with himself that Callum does pull back to see the self satisfied look on his face and laughs. “I’m good with both my mouth and my fingers you know,” and he winks at Callum.

“Are you OK?” Callum asks because if he tilts his hips just so he can feel Ben is still hard against him and it must be painful by now.

Ben chuckles and lets his fingers card through Callum’s hair. “I’m fine, I’m trying to think unsexy thoughts which is difficult when you’re naked and in my arms but it’s getting there. I want a clear head for tonight, save it until after we get home hopefully. I mean, you’ll be wearing a vibrator all night, the least I can do is make sure I’m in the right mood to do what you need me to do.”

Callum sighs at that, lets his eyes close to the rhythmical petting Ben’s doing to his hair and before he knows it, he’s dozing, lulled under by the soft touch of fingers and the force of his earlier orgasm.

He awakes to the noise of Ben’s mobile phone alarm and it’s clear Ben’s been napping too if the way he flounders about before managing to switch it off is anything to go by. He knows that they’re going to have to leave this bubble and go out and he’s so reluctant to move but he does, stretching himself out, forgetting where he is and it’s only the hissed intake of breath from Ben that remind him that he’s currently naked in his bed with his best friend. “I still don’t get how you’re not fighting people off,” is all Ben says as he watches. “Did you sleep well?”

“Yeah, I feel great,” Callum says, smiling back and noticing how Ben’s entire face lights up.

“Not sore?” he checks anxiously and at Callum’s headshake, he relaxes even further. “Good, that’s good… do you...um, do you… do you still want to use the vibrator?”

“Yes,” Callum says in a firm voice because he’s so sure and the fact that Ben’s still checking in with him makes him want it even more.

“Good,” Ben breathes and he sweeps over, kisses him once and picks up the vibrator, warming it in his hand and lubing it up. He dips his fingers briefly into Callum to check he’s still open and then in a slow, steady motion pushes it inside to where it needs to go. Callum does gasp then, at the feeling of fullness that’s not moving, pressing right where he’s sensitive and it’s nice. Ben gulps too, fumbles the remote to him. “Stand up, see how it feels when you switch it on,” he says and his voice is lower.

Callum does, standing up, letting the vibrator settle where it needs to and it feels so good just being there. But when he switches it on, it’s amazing, even at the lowest level, the feeling, the pressure, the sensations coursing through him makes his knees buckle and his breathing uneven. It’s so so good. Ben’s watching him, hungry look in his eyes and in his face and he wants to kiss him, so he leans in and gets his lips on him, guides Ben’s hand to his stomach. They stand there, for what feels like hours but only can be minutes until Callum switches the vibrator off and tries to get his breathing back under control. Ben’s grinning at him. “Hot,” he murmurs. “Sexy, gorgeous. And no ones going to know what you’re doing. You’re a dark horse, babe.”

Callum swallows, because he’s not finished yet, and he presses the vibrators remote into Ben’s hand, closing his fingers around it. The look on Ben’s face is worth it alone, stunned arousal flashing through his eyes. “I want you to have this,” he says as he runs his fingers over the back of Ben’s hand. “I want us both to do this together.”

“Are you sure?” Ben asks, looking him fully in the eye and when he nods firmly, he crushes their lips together. “Jesus Christ.”

He gets dressed whilst Ben sits in his living room, picking out a green shirt because he knows that’s Ben’s favourite colour on him and then they go upstairs to Ben’s flat together. Lola’s ready to go already, she tuts at Ben as he dodges into the bathroom and then sits with Callum whilst he gets ready. Callum knows she can’t see that he’s got the vibrator inside him and it makes him a little lightheaded to know that they’re doing this, that Ben has control over it and that he’s at his whim. They meet Jay at the club and he’s already gotten drinks in and found them a table and it’s then that Ben switches the vibrator on for the first time. Callum jumps at the sensation, steals a look over at Ben who's asking Jay innocently about his day at work and manages to ride out the feeling. He’s already half hard when Ben switches it off, and has to adjust himself discreetly in his jeans.

Ben uses the vibrator at random points during the night and it’s so good, Callum’s drowning in pleasure before it even gets to 10 o’clock. He’s not drinking alcohol, he’s on water only and so is Ben and he’s watching him carefully with large, dark eyes and he’s not even looked at another man and Callum’s never been more turned on in his life. His cock is hard and he’s glad he went for less skinny jeans than normal because he knows this will go for as long as he can take it and he doesn’t want it to end yet. When he goes up to the bar to get the next round, Ben sets it up a notch and because he’s standing not sitting it feels fuller, and he has to grab the edge of the bar to stop himself from rolling his hips. He slips into the toilets for a breather after that go, has to wash his face and notices in the mirror how red his face is, a flush high on his cheeks and his eyes are all pupils.

Ben’s waiting outside for him when he comes out, in a dark area of the club where no one can see them and he pulls him in for a hug, says nothing, just gets his arms around Callum and holds him. “Are you OK?” he asks carefully.

“I’m so good,” Callum says and it comes out as a moan. “Don’t stop, please?”

Ben cups him through his jeans, pulses the vibrator inside him and swallows his moan with a quick kiss. His hips move unconsciously and he feels Ben’s cock against his, he’s so hard and hot and Callum just wants.

He rests his forehead against Ben’s for a second, sees how turned on he is too and kisses him one more time. Ben releases him, “go and drink some more water, babe, you need to keep hydrated,” he whispers and then he lets Callum go back to the table.

He’s only a few minutes after Callum, sitting down next to him, close enough that their thighs are brushing over the table. Lola and Jay have been dancing and when they come back, Lola frowns a little at him. “Are you OK, Cal?” she asks. “You look a little red.”

“I’m just a bit hot,” Callum admits and she touches his cheek and tuts at him.

“A little! You’re burning up. Are you ill? Maybe you should go home?”

Callum thinks about it, turns to look at Ben, because whilst this has been incredible now he just needs to come. “Maybe I should go,” he says slowly.

Ben nods and he also leans in, touches Callum’s cheek like he doesn’t know why he’s so red and hot and looks at Lola. “Lo’s right, maybe you should call it a night. I can walk you home, make sure you get back ok?”

And that’s how they end up leaving the club, together, alone, Ben’s hand on his elbow, propelling him towards the flat. They get into Callum’s living room, the door shut behind them and Callum can only turn around, pin Ben to the door with his arms and then he’s sinking to his knees before Ben can say anything. Ben switches the vibrator on, even as he’s pulling his jeans and boxers down and he swallows Ben’s cock down as quick and as deep as he can. Ben’s moaning above him, fingers stroking his cheeks and hair and shoulders. “You’re so good, Callum,” he’s saying through his moans. “So good, so wonderful. You want to come?”

Callum pulls off enough to whisper, “yes, god, Ben, please” and he kisses the head of Ben’s cock before getting it back into his mouth as Ben turns the vibrator up to its highest setting.

It doesn’t take any time at all, before he’s coming in great crashing waves of pleasure and Ben’s pulsing in his mouth, following him over the edge. It’s by far the most intense orgasm he’s ever had and he can’t stand up afterwards, just sinks to the floor in a heap and Ben staggers down the door so he’s curled around Callum and the two of them just cuddle there in a pile, arms tight around each other and lips pressed to whatever part of the others body they can find at close range.

It takes a while for their breathing to even out and when it does, Callum’s still not sure if his legs will hold him up. Ben tilts his chin up and looks at him gently. “Let's get you cleaned up, hey?” he says gently and he pulls both of them to their feet. Callum can only cling to his waist as he manoeuvres them into the bathroom, switches on the shower and when it’s warm, gets them both in there together. It should be sexy, being wet and naked with Ben, but he’s still too blissed out to notice much. Ben washes him tenderly, cleans himself off as well and then dries him and gets him into a pair of clean boxers and into his bed.

“Stay?” Callum says then, reaching a hand out and catching Ben’s wrist. “Just for a while, please?”

Ben’s face is so soft as he gazes down. “Yeah, of course,” he says and he lies down and gets his arms around Callum and it’s safe and warm and lovely as Callum drifts happily off to sleep.


	6. Frottage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys have a soft little talk and then get back to the sex.  
> Does Ben just really like sex or is he actually into Callum?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate this word... but I did google alternatives to frottage and nothing came up so I guess it will have to do....
> 
> Happy EE returns day everyone!

When Callum wakes up the next morning he’s alone, he expected that but he wishes it was different. He gets up and he feels a bit funny, not sore or hurting, he can’t explain why but he knows it’s to do with the fact that he wants so much more from Ben and can’t have it. Ben validates him, Ben makes him feel special and sexy and wonderful, how can he do any of this with any other man and feel the same way?

He has a shower, longer and warmer than normal and he’s feeling better when he goes into his kitchen to make himself a cup of coffee. Then he see a bright pink square on the fridge door, it’s a post it note with Ben’s familiar handwriting on it

_ Hope you slept well. Remember to eat and drink something, text me when you’re up and feeling ok. B x _

After having his coffee and rereading the note, he texts Ben, just a quick message because he doesn’t know what he wants and he’s suddenly nervous. What if he’s overstepped? What if Ben doesn’t want to do this, has gotten fed up of him? He doesn’t want to know but also needs to know quickly because that will be better than prolonging it.

Not even five minutes after he’s texted there’s a knock on his door and he opens it to find a nervous looking Ben standing leaning against the side. “Hi,” he says as he stands up and follows Callum in, closing the door behind him. It's the first time since they started their arrangement that he doesn’t kiss him, he sits down on the coffee table and gestures for Callum to sit opposite him on the sofa. Callum does and tries to keep his fears and nerves hidden because this can’t be good, Ben looks so serious and worried and he knows he’s fucked it up. “I’m sorry,” he blurts out before Ben can say anything and his expression changes, goes all soft and warm even though the worry is still there.

“What for?” he asks and he leans forward and touches Callum’s knee. It grounds him, the warmth of Ben’s hand just lazily stroking over his jeans and he looks up.

“Are you wanting to end this?” he asks and he tries to make it not sound needy or desperate but he’s not sure how close to the mark it is.

“No, no, I don’t, I want to carry on. Do you want to end it?” and Ben’s nerves are back, clear on his face and Callum feels his breathing settle back to normal at the realisation that he still wants the same thing.

“No,” he says and Ben’s eyes clear and he moves in one swift move so he’s sitting next to Callum, legs folded underneath him, one hand on his arm and the other still on his knee.

“So why are you sorry?” He’s stroking Callum’s knee again and he focuses on the rhythmical movements.

“I thought…” is what he starts to say and finds he can’t quite finish it. Ben slides his other hand under Callum’s chin and tilts it up so they’re looking at each other and there’s understanding now showing on his face, like he knows exactly what Callum’s thinking.

“I wanted to apologise,” is what he says. “For last night. It was great, for me, I hope it was for you too…”

“Yes,” Callum interjects quickly because it was the single most erotic experience he’s ever had and he needs Ben to know that. 

Ben smiles slowly at him. “Good,” he says in a whisper. “But, it was also so intense. For you and for me. I’ve never done that sort of thing before and you…” he breaks off, swallowing hard and his eyes are full of heat as he sweeps them over Callum. “I know you wanted it, you were so clear about that and I really wanted it too. But we never discussed what we could say to stop things if they got too far. I never gave you that option and I should have. I’m sorry, if I pushed you too far.”

Callum thinks for a while. He gets what Ben’s saying and it comes close to putting his thoughts from the morning to rest. In the end, he reaches over and covers Ben’s hand with his own, interlocking their fingers tightly. “I wouldn’t have changed last night for the world. It was unbelievable and I trust you completely and I know you would have stopped it if I had asked you too. But having a word or something that we could both do if things get too intense makes a lot of sense. I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to.”

Ben’s smiling that soft, warm smile at him and he feels the comfort spreading from his toes upwards. “We could pick something stupid, something that we’d both remember but we’re not likely to use in conversation and then all you have to do is say it and I’ll stop.”

“You too,” Callum says and he’s firm, he’s so sure of that too.

“Ok, me too” Ben agrees and they’re silent as they both think.

“Flamingo?” Callum suggests eventually and Ben huffs a laugh. 

“Well, I doubt we’ll be talking about the mating habits of flamingos with Jay and Lo at any time,” he says with a twinkle in his eye. “Although they’ll probably be really confused about why we’re talking about flamingos in the first place.”

He moves closer to Callum, checks it’s ok and then pulls him into his arms and Callum relaxs instantaneously, arms coming up to circle Ben’s shoulders and run through his hair. 

“There is one more thing,” Ben says into his neck. “Jay and I have to go away for a couple of days, for work, tomorrow. It’s our monthly trip, nothing different, but I wanted to talk to you before we went. Do you want to take that time to think about things, make sure you’re completely ok with doing this?”

Callum knows he is but he also wants to give Ben the chance to think. “You too?” he asks and Ben pulls back so he can see Callum’s face and nods.

“Ok, but I know my answer,” he says and he leans in and just brushes his lips carefully over Callum’s. “We can still text if you like? It’ll be nice to talk to you when I’m not here. And if you want to continue I’ll be back on Wednesday. Jay’s already organised a big night at his for him and Lola so the flat’ll be empty. See how you feel. There’s no pressure, none at all.”

Callum leans in and slants his lips over Ben’s just as gently, kissing Ben has quickly become his favourite thing to do in the world. “I’ll think about it,” is all he says, knowing he has to give Ben this and being gratified by the final layer of concern dropping from his eyes.

It’s hard, the three nights that Ben and Jay are away, harder than he thought it would be considering they’re only helping each other out, but he misses Ben so much it’s like a physical pain in his chest. He hangs out with Lola a lot, they watch some movies and cook together and drink a lot of wine and he has work during the day so it keeps him occupied. He’s not sure if Ben meant it when he said to message him, but the first night, once he’s back in his own flat, lying in his bed and thinking over things and missing Ben so much, he can’t help himself. He grabs his phone and just sends a simple message.  _ Had a good day? _

Ben replies straight away, like he’s got nothing else to do.  _ It's fine, boring as hell. I miss you. _

Callum swallows  _ I miss you too  _

They text for what feels like hours, until Callum’s too tired to think and has to stop because otherwise he’ll be in no fit state for work the next day. It’s the same the next night, Ben’s not pushing him into anything but it solidifies what he’s thinking of. He wants this to carry on, he enjoys spending time with Ben, not just having sex, but anytime and all the time. He’s so in love with him, even if it’s awkward, he doesn’t care. He doesn’t want anyone else to have Ben, to see him flushed and hard and aroused, if he has the chance to do it, he wants it to be him.

So on the day they’re due back, he tells Lola he’ll look after the flat and make sure Ben’s ok if she wants to go round to Jay’s and she thinks he’s doing her a favour and kisses him on the cheek as she happily goes off, not knowing what Callum has planned for Ben when he returns. He potters around the flat, tidies things up because he cannot bear how messy they let things get and even changes the sheets on Ben’s bed, his hands shaking a little nervously as he does that.

He’s sitting on the sofa, TV on but not sure at all what he’s watching when he hears a key in the lock and the door opens and Ben’s there. He comes into the flat, sees Callum and his face lights up and Callum forgets that they're not really dating and crosses the room to him in three large strides. Standing in front of him, he lets his eyes sweep over his face and smiles brightly, “welcome home,” he says and then he pulls Ben into his arms.

Ben kisses him like he’s been in a desert all week and he’s desperate for water, like he’s frightened Callum’s not really here. “It’s great to see you,” he breathes when he pulls back, “I missed you.”

“How was it?”

“Awful,” Ben says, pulling a face. “They messed up the order, we’ve got to go back for a week to sort them out. Talking to you was the only thing that kept me sane.”

Callum swallows at that, it was hard enough to be without Ben for three days let alone a week but he can’t tell Ben that. So he changes the subject to something more neutral.

“I cooked for you,” he says and pulls Ben over to the table, he’s got his chicken pasta speciality cooking on the stove and a bottle of beer out for Ben already. Ben sits down, a little dazed look on his face as he stares at Callum. 

“You didn’t have to do that,” he says 

“I wanted to,” is all Callum says as he dishes a plate up for Ben and sets it in front of him.

“You eating too?” Ben asks and waits to start his food until Callum’s sitting opposite him.

After they’ve eaten and Callum’s insisted on washing up, they sit on the sofa and with a long suffering sigh Ben puts on the next avenger movie in their list. It touches Callum because he knows Ben hates them, but he’ll watch them for Callum. There’s no pretence anymore, they snuggle in together and it’s so easy halfway through the film to tilt Ben’s face up towards him and kiss him. Ben responds immediately, shuffling around until he’s pressed against Callum from chest to toes, hands curved around his head, kisses drugging and dizzying. Callum could do this all night, it’s intoxicating. But when Ben stands up, holding out his hands and pulling him to his feet he has to give him the chance. “I bet you’re tired, do you want me to go?” he offers.

Ben looks up at him. “I’m never too tired for you,” he says as he leads Callum into his bedroom.

They don’t actually do much that night, Ben is tired and Callum can see it in his eyes, but they know Lola won’t be back for a few days as the plans Jay made include two nights in a luxury hotel. So it makes sense for Ben to throw Callum a soft T-shirt from his wardrobe and for Callum to get changed into it in the bathroom, using one of the spare toothbrushes before they huddle into bed together and kiss some more under the covers. Ben falls asleep in Callum’s arms, worn out after the travelling and work and Callum holds him close and tries not to imagine what his life would be like if this was the norm.

Ben only naps for a few hours and when he wakes up it’s like nothings different, they’re back to making out in his bed and it’s so lovely and perfect and Callum can’t hide the fact that he’s turned on. Ben pulls back a little and looks at him, head tilted to one side as he strokes his hand up and under the T-shirt Callum’s wearing, over his stomach and along the trail of hair leading downwards. “You up for something?” he says, grinding his hips into Callum’s to show that he is, indeed, up for something himself. Callum whimpers into his mouth and Ben slides both their T-shirt’s off before getting to his knees, tucking his legs under Callum’s thighs and as he leans so their chests are touching, he rolls his hips downwards deliberately. Callum can hear the groan as it’s ripped from his throat - he’s touched Ben’s dick, he’s had Ben’s dick in his mouth but this, the feeling of his hard, hot cock pressed against his own, even through their boxers, makes his brain short circuit. Ben kisses him at the same tempo as his hips are thrusting, his tongue flicking into his mouth like it’s fucking him as well. Callum can’t help himself, can’t stop the litany of noises that are being forced out of him and gets his hands on Ben, finally, over his back, over his hips to his ass. There, for the first time properly, he slides his fingers around, pulling Ben in even close and relishing in the cry that gets him. Ben’s stops kissing him, pulls back so he can see Callum as he rolls his hips again, cock pressing against cock, watching as Callum’s mouth falls open and he gasps. “You want more?” he asks softly, and his voice is deep and dark with arousal.

“Yeah,” Callum pants and Ben slips his fingers under Callum’s boxers, gets him to raise his hips and pulls them as far down his legs as he can reach. He repeats the gesture with his own, kicking them off his legs and gesturing to Callum to do the same. As he does, he reaches for the lube with one hand, slicks his hand up and then runs it over both of them. Callum’s watching, struck dumb by how hot the whole thing is, but he’s overcome when Ben lowers himself back down and starts the grinding again. This time, there’s no fabric in between their cocks, it’s just skin on skin, pressed from root to tip and Callum’s gone straight away. He bites Ben’s bottom lip, and Ben moans, lets his head drop into the joint between his neck and his shoulder and Callum gets his hands on the back of his head and just pulls him as close as he can. Ben’s nipping at the skin on his neck, pressing hot open mouthed kisses there as his hips move faster, and Callum plants his feet and lets his hips rock upwards too. That gets a noise out of Ben he’s never heard before and wants to hear over and over as many times as he possibly can so he thrusts upward again. Ben gets his face out of his neck, looking down at him with amazement and awe and arousal clear in his face and they’re both moving at the same rhythm, pushing each other closer and closer.

Ben’s not quiet, Callum’s noticed that before, but this is different, cock to cock and he’s loud and it’s amazing and that’s half of what gets Callum more than anything. That, and the look in his eyes as they grind together, the rhythm faltering as they both get closer and Callum throws his head back, lets Ben chase his lips as he his the edge suddenly and quickly, spurts of come covering both of their chests. Ben gives a loud keening moan and follows him over, his come mixing with Callum’s over their bodies, their mouths falling slack against each other as they do so. They lie there, afterwards, Ben’s collapsed on top of Callum and he doesn’t want him to move. He gets his fingers into his hair and just strokes through it, waiting for Ben’s breathing to even back out. Eventually Ben picks his head up. “Wow,” is all he says and Callum smiles back and lifts his head to kiss him gently.

“Wow,” he repeats and loves the laugh that gets him. Ben scowls at the mess they’ve made, rubs his finger through it experimentally and then pads away from the bedroom to fetch a warm cloth. He wipes it over Callum’s chest slowly and gently and then Callum takes it from him and does the same to his chest. It’s nice, sweet, soft and when he’s done, Ben throws the cloth somewhere and snuggles back into Callum’s arms.

“Stay?” he asks and Callum almost freezes because he wants that so much but he never would have guessed Ben did. “Lola won’t be back, she won’t know you’re here and I missed you.”

“Yeah, I’ll stay,” he whispers as he pulls Ben close into his arms and Ben gets his head into his shoulder, presses one soft kiss to the skin there.

“Good,” he whispers back.


	7. The Dildo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callum and Ben do soft things and then Callum’s oblivious....

It’s light when Callum wakes up, having slept the whole night through so comfortably. Ben’s still curled around him, body warm and face soft in sleep, so different to what it’s like when he’s awake. He’s always on edge then, even with Callum, always trying to make sure that the persona he puts on is what everyone always sees. Here, he’s the person Callum knows he can be, the one he’s seen over the last few weeks as Ben has let him come to grips with his wants and needs and desires and has just let him do so. 

Callum lets his fingers trace patterns over Ben’s shoulders, up the side of his neck and onto his face, feather light touches that he feels sure won’t wake him up. He traces around the shell of his ear, over his cheekbones, and he’s running his finger over his lips when Ben kisses the tip of it. His eyes flicker open and he’s looking at Callum doing something he’s sure he can’t pass off as just friends. His blue eyes are fathomless and he says nothing, and Callum freezes. He thinks about trying to stutter something out, to smooth things over, but he doesn’t know what he could say or do. But Ben seems to see his hesitation and he tilts his head backwards into the pillows, silently giving Callum the consent to continue. So he does, lets his fingers run over his chin, down the hollow of his throat, and along his collarbones, and then he dares to inch in even closer and let his lips follow the same path. Ben lets one moan fall from his lips and closes his eyes and when he opens them, they’re almost black and it’s clear he’s let Callum do all he can without needing more. They end up sharing lazy early morning hand jobs and it’s yet another first for Callum, waking up next to someone and wanting him so badly he couldn’t keep his hands off him if he had even tried. He thinks it’s actually the nicest thing they’ve done, Ben is so soft first thing in the morning, still sleepy and the noises he can get from him are precious.

It’s when they’re lying in the afterglow that Ben bites his lip and asks, “do you have plans for today?”

“No,” Callum says, “was just gonna be me and the TV all day.”

“D’ya wanna go somewhere? I heard the Natural History museum has a special exhibit on dinosaurs.”

Callum laughs fondly, letting his fingers stroke Ben’s cheeks. “You hate museums. And dinosaurs for that matter.”

“Yeah, but you like them. So you wanna go?”

Callum looks at the man in his arms, and can’t help himself. “Yeah, yeah, why not?”

They have a lovely day, and on the way home, on a packed tube train, Callum’s still thinking about how he wants this to be his future. Not just best friends, not just sex, but waking up with Ben, spending the day with him, going home together. He’s desperate to start to think of ways he can persuade Ben that he wants the same things but he can’t help but think Ben’s given him no hints he wants anything more than sex and hanging out with his best friend and he still doesn’t want to make things awkward if Ben’s not into him. 

They’re standing so close together because of how packed the train is and Callum’s taller, so he’s holding onto the ceiling strap and Ben is huddled in so close to him that he could easily duck his head and press their mouths together. It’s that sort of thing he wishes he could do and wants to do more than anything he thinks he’s ever wanted.

It’s taken for granted that he’s staying over again, and they get a Chinese takeaway and retire for the night. But it’s different, maybe spending the day together, as best friends, but with the added extra knowledge that this could be their future if they both want it, and Callum doesn’t actually want sex with Ben. He wants to cuddle him, fall asleep next to him, kiss him. Ben’s receptive to what he wants, letting Callum hold him close, snuggling in himself, both of them getting lost in each other’s kisses and soft touches. It makes Callum’s head swim more than he thought it would, just the tenderness between them both. They fall asleep with Callum spooning Ben, tight behind him, lips pressed to the nape of his neck.

It’s still dark when Callum wakes up, that sort of dark just before the day breaks and he’s still tucked up close to Ben, who’s snoring lightly in his arms. It’s enough to make the gaping chasm in Callum’s chest reopen, and he thinks about leaving before Ben wakes but he also knows he can’t and won’t do that. So he lies, face pressed to Ben’s neck and shoulder and hands slowly rubbing circles over his arms and belly. It’s not long before Ben stirs in his arms, turns to face him, all sleepy eyes and pouty lips, hair a mess, crease in his cheek from where he’s been lying. He looks beautiful. Callum can’t help himself, “good morning,” he says gently and leans in and just lets his lips touch Ben’s once, soft, sweet and tender.

Ben smiled up at him, “morning? You’re having a laugh, it’s not even light outside yet,” he grumbles but there's no heat in the complaint and he returns the kiss eagerly.

They’ve been kissing for a while when Ben looks at him, clears his throat and Callum 

knows he nervous, knows his little ticks from how long they’ve been friends and wonders what on earth he’s thinking of. When he speaks, its hesitantly, like he’s unsure of what Callum will say or how he’ll take it. “Have you ever read about rimming?”

Callum sucks in a breath because he saw this when he was researching sex before their arrangement started but it was something he’d always assumed was off the table. “Yes,” he says slowly.

“Would you like to try it, not now but soon? Me rimming you, I mean. It’s something I’ve always wanted to try but never had anyone I trusted enough to do it with. One night stands aren’t exactly the sort of time you want to try something new, I mean, I haven’t bottomed for ages let alone do something where both partners are so vulnerable. But I’d like to try with you, if you want to that is.”

He’s rambling, like he always does when he gets nervous and Callum cuts him off with one kiss. “I trust you too. I’d love to try,” is all he says but his brain is in overdrive because it’s the first thing Ben’s said to him that makes him believe there may be something there on his part too. “Would you ever do that with me? Let me do things to you I mean, like be inside you?”

Ben looks up at him coyly through his lashes. “Maybe, in the future?” he says and it fills Callum’s heart that this is something they both want to continue, even if they’re going to have to sort out in what sort of guise.

He has to sneak away before Lola and Jay come back that morning and he spends the next few days starting to think of a plan to convince Ben he needs a boyfriend, not just a sex partner. He’s not sure how he’s going to do it yet, but he’s sure he can, sure that Ben feels something for him too. Maybe it started off with the sex, but now he thinks that there may be something more there.

He texts Ben mid week,  _ are you free tonight? Want to hang out? I miss spending time with you  _ and he’s pleased when Ben replies straight away saying he’ll be down in 5 minutes. Callum gets some beers out of the fridge, puts a film on Netflix and they sit on the sofa. It’s not long before Ben cuddles into his side and Callum’s forgotten what the films about, focused on the man who's laughing at the bad acting whilst snuggled up tight to him. Ben looks up at him partway through the film and obviously sees that Callum hasn’t watched any of it, looking at Ben himself instead because whatever he was going to say dies on his lips, his mouth open as he realises and a flush starting to appear on his face and then he slides his hand up Callum’s thigh so he’s caressing his leg and leans in to press a hot kiss behind his ear. “You OK?” he whispers as he tugs gently at Callum’s ear lobe with his teeth. He’s so close it’s easy for Callum to turn his head and kiss him.

“Never better,” he whispers and sees the flush deepen on Ben’s cheeks as he returns the kiss, deepens it and lets his hand stroke over Callum’s cock through his jeans. Callum groans into his mouth, he loves this, loves all of it but kissing Ben is right at the top of his list of favourite things to do.

When Ben pulls away, his lips are kiss stung and Callum chases after them, so hard in his jeans he needs to get them off as soon as possible. But as he moves his hand to the button, Ben stops him. “Not quite yet,” he says, removing Callum’s hand and letting his own caress over his stomach instead. “Let me. I want to fuck you tonight.”

Callum swallows hard, “ok,” he manages to whisper, breathless.

Ben spots the box that Callum’s hidden behind his sofa, pulls it towards them and fumbles through it until he finds the dildo that he added into the shopping trolley in that first night. Callum’s eyes grow wide, its thick but not as big as Ben is, and he’s been looking forward to using it since it came and he realised how much he liked being filled, but at the same time he’s a little disappointed that it’s not Ben that’s fucking him himself.

Ben stands up, holds his hand out to Callum and together they walk into the bedroom where Ben deposits the dildo and the lube he’s swiped onto the bedside cabinet and then turns his full attention back to Callum. He pulls him back into his arms, kisses him as he starts to undress him, T-shirt, jeans, boxers all flung off. He does also let Callum get his clothes off too and Callum can’t resist stroking over his skin as he does so, living for the noises that Ben makes in his throat as he touches him everywhere he can.

Callum gets on the bed, tucks a pillow under his head so he can watch as Ben gets between his legs, nuzzling into his belly button as he places open mouthed kisses all over his stomach. He looks up, “lube, babe?” he asks and waits for Callum to throw him the bottle before slicking up a finger and sliding it inside Callum.

They’ve done this a lot since the first time Ben fingered Callum, it’s one of the nicest things they’ve done so far. Callum loves it, loves the feeling of Ben’s fingers inside him, loves the way he looks as he gets into it. The pressure of his fingers, rubbing him from the inside always has arousal coiling through him quicker than anything else. Ben’s finger starts a rhythm immediately, stroking over and over as he pushes in and pulls out and he’s kissing him at the same rhythm, tongue fucking into Callum’s mouth like his fingers below. Callum can feel it dragging over his rim, feel it brushing over the ridges inside him, and when Ben gets the right spot to hit his prostate he’s close straight away. Ben bites his lips, adds a second finger in quick succession.

It’s when he’s happy that Callum’s relaxed with two fingers that he hesitates. “Are you ready for another one?” he asks and it’s so sweet how anxious he is.

Callum cants his hips upwards, driving the fingers in ever deeper and it is so delicious, the stretch. “Yes,” he whispers and lets Ben kiss him again as he slowly pushes in his third finger.

They’ve always stopped at two before and this feels so much fuller. Callum can’t help but gasp into Ben's mouth and he stops moving, lets Callum adjust to the stretch before gently starting to thrust with his fingers again. It’s slow, Ben being gentle with him for his first time but Callum wants more, lets his hips move in time with the thrusts of the fingers caressing him inside and soon he’s riding Ben’s fingers, moans falling from his lips every time the pads brush over his prostate. Ben’s watching him, slack mouthed, eyes so dark, making sure he’s massaging his prostate every single time and it’s so good.

But Ben pulls out and leans over for the dildo. “You sure?” he asks and Callum’s suddenly struck with how far he’s gone too, how hard it seems to be for him to speak and he gets that feeling struck behind his heart again. He’s so glad this is Ben he’s doing this with.

“Please, yes, Ben, please,” he babbles and Ben gulps, lubes the dildo up with a generous handful of slick and then rests it at his rim. He waits, licking his lips and when Callum’s eyes meet his, he runs the head of it around his rim and then slowly, slowly, pushes it inside. There’s so much lube on it that it slides it easily but there’s still the moment of strangeness when the tip of it slides inside Callum for the first time. Even though Ben’s been meticulous in working him open, it’s still bigger and firmer than his fingers and the stretch burns Callum as it enters him. Ben stops, just the tip inside, and he leans forward and kisses Callum’s belly gently, over and over until the burn passes and it just feels good. At his whimper, and the hitch of hips, Ben starts to work the dildo more and more into Callum, slowly, letting him adjust and feel every single inch being taken in. He’s whispering words as he does it, lips still pressed against Callum’s stomach, “ you’re doing so good, baby. You look so beautiful, that’s so good. You’re taking it so well, Cal.”

Callum’s chanting Ben’s name over and over, like a prayer, the only thing he’s aware of. Ben gets the dildo in enough and Callum feels so full, so consumed with desire and he half closes his eyes, not wanting to miss seeing Ben but unable to keep them open under the onslaught of feelings. And then Ben starts to move the dildo, in and out in long, slow, gentle thrusts and he stops thinking about anything other than the pleasure it’s causing him. Ben tilts his wrist just so and the head of the dildo catches his prostate on every thrust and Callum’s flying, soaring, and he can’t stop the loud noises he’s making, sure that everyone around must know whats happening to him.

He wants to do something for Ben in return, so he manages to force his eyes open and when he sees the look Ben’s giving him he whimpers and arches his back and the dildo gets even deeper and he’s desperate. “Ben, please, I need you,” he manages to get out in between his gasps and cries and Ben’s face is a picture. Slowly, like he can barely move himself, he lets go of the dildo whilst it’s still inside Callum and he straddles his body, turning around so that he’s facing away from the head of the bed, his hard cock over Callum’s chest and his hands back on the dildo. He breathes out and Callum realises he’s got his mouth close to his cock and then he whispers, “you can suck me if you’d like?” and from then on it’s a blur.

Callum gets his mouth onto Ben’s dick instantly, moaning around it. Ben’s starting to move the dildo again, thrusts harder this time and deeper and he drops his face so that his mouth is wrapped around Callum’s dick too. Callum’s full, everywhere, Ben is all around him and in him and it’s such a wonderful feeling, Ben, Ben, Ben the only thing he can think about. Ben does something with his tongue that Callum can’t even compute and he moans around Ben’s dick and even though it’s wet and probably sloppy Ben gives a twitch and he’s coming, groaning as he shoots into Callum’s mouth. He dips a little, gets into a better position and fucks the dildo firmly into his prostate whilst letting Callum slide deep into his throat. Callum can only cry and arch and writhe as the world flashes white and he comes hard.

It’s a while before he can even think again and when he does, Ben is lying next to him, holding him close as he runs his fingers through his hair. He’s still breathing hard and his face is pushed into Callum’s hair, and he’s murmuring something so soft that Callum can only feel the hum and can’t hear the words. He stretches and Ben pulls back a little and looks at him with gentle eyes. “You back with me, babe?” he asks as he moves his hand so he’s stroking Callum’s cheek.

“Mmmm,” Callum whispers, “was amazing. Think you fucked out all my brain cells.”

Ben laughs, “can I stay? I can set my alarm for later and sneak back into my flat before Lo realises I’m not there, but I just want to stay and cuddle up with you for a bit. If that’s OK, I mean.”

“Please,” Callum breathes and slides his hand around Ben’s stomach and pulls him in close.

They lay there quietly, letting their breathing settle and their heart rates fall and Callum could just fall asleep, his brain still not functioning fully. “Are you OK,” he eventually ventures, almost timidly. “I mean, you’re doing all this for me and not getting much out in return.”

“Oh, I am getting lots out of this,” Ben huffs a little. “Trust me, I love sex, that’s never been a debate. But having one night stands gets a little boring after a while. Just having sex and then leaving or kicking someone else out of my bed, not seeing them again, there’s only so much you can do with them. I like this, I like being able to get to know you, to know what makes you cry out, to let myself go during sex. It’s beautiful. You’re beautiful. Whoever you pick after this will be very lucky.”

Callum hides his face against Ben’s head, listening to his breathing and suddenly wanting to talk. “I had been kissed before you, by a man, I mean. I went to a gay bar the other side of town just after I told you guys that I was gay.”

Ben raises his head and looks at him, there’s no judgement in his eyes, just concern and worry and he touches Callum’s chin gently, “you never said anything, I would have come with you, if you’d wanted me to. What happened?”

Callum thinks back to that night, swallows hard because he can’t tell Ben the whole truth, that he was so in love with him and so sad after he’d still gone off with random men that he’d been desperate to see what it was like and had regretted every moment since. “I met a guy, he kissed me. It could have gone further, he liked me, but I didn’t want to, I couldn’t, I realised I couldn’t do one night stands, it has to mean something if I sleep with anyone and he was just a random guy. It wasn’t exactly the most romantic experience I’d ever had,” is what he settles on saying.

Ben just watches him and Callum’s sure he can read in between the lines but he says nothing more. Instead he presses a soft kiss to Callum’s lips and smiles against them. “There’s someone out there for you, you’ll find the perfect match soon,” he says in between kisses.

Callum sighs a little and rolls onto his back, letting Ben follow so he’s lying half on his chest. He doesn’t want a perfect man, he wants Ben, but everytime he thinks he can tell him the truth he says something that Callum can only take as a lack of interest. He’s so confused. His words and actions are at a complete opposite to each other and he doesn’t know what to think anymore. “Are you still going out tomorrow?” he asks instead, changing the subject.

“Yeah, don’t forget, it’s our last night for a week as Jay and I are off again for work.”

Callum closes his eyes, he had forgotten that there was another trip planned for the two of them to sort out the issues with the last set of cars and he knows he’s going to miss Ben even more than before. “Maybe I can text you again?” he asks, hopefully.

“Maybe we can call as well” Ben suggests, with such a filthy look on his face that Callum can’t help the shiver that passes through his body. “There’s lots of fun things we can get up to over the phone.”


	8. Phone Sex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben goes away for work so the boys experiment with what they can get up to over the phone...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a reminder, there is very little plot to this, it is just really an excuse to write as much smut as possible to get it out of my system!
> 
> There will be a teeny bit of angst but it’s not for a while yet, they’ve still got some nice stuff to experiment with....

The pub on Thursday night is tainted by the fact that Ben and Jay are off for a week the following day. They’re not drinking as they have to drive, Lola is sad because Jay’s leaving her and Callum can’t explain that he feels the same about Ben because no one actually knows what’s going on. So he has to sit and pretend that he’s not bothered by the fact that he won’t see Ben for a whole week. It’s starting to drive him crazy that he can’t let on that it’s going to tear him apart. Ben can sense his unease, he lets his feet tangle with Callum’s under the table and strokes his toes up his calves to try to calm him down. They can’t do anything more, Jay’s staying with Lola and he wants to discuss plans with Ben and so Callum has to just leave him without saying or doing what he actually really wants to.

There’s a knock on his door the following morning, just as he’s ready to leave for work, and when he opens it, Ben sweeps in, shuts the door behind him and then gets Callum into his arms. “I wanted to do this last night,” he says and he reaches up, pulls Callum’s face down to meet his and kisses him senseless. It doesn’t go any further but Callum’s late for work, with kiss swollen lips and reddened cheeks from Ben’s stubble. The way Ben’s lips felt on his, the slight tenderness to his skin and the whispered promise of texts and calls is what keeps him going over the week.

When Ben and Jay are away, he spends more time with Lola, it’s actually nice to catch up with her, he hasn’t just sat and chatted with her for what feels like ages. He’s a little on edge though, trying to ensure he says nothing that will incriminate either him or Ben, but she doesn’t seem to pick up on it, gossiping about everything over coffee. There’s a sticky moment when she suddenly looks up at him and says, “I haven’t seen you around for a while, have you got someone on the go?”

He splutters a little because he’s not sure how to respond but she’s continuing anyway. “I think Ben has, you know, got a man, I mean. He’s spending a lot of time away from the flat, he’s got a smile on his face most of the time and he’s walking around like he’s the cat that’s got the cream, if you know what I mean.”

He doesn’t know what to say, he doesn’t want to tell her that he and Ben are having sex but only having sex but he also doesn’t want to lie to her and say he hasn’t got anyone. He’s not sure what the code of practice is for an arrangement like theirs and they’ve never really discussed what they would say if they were asked outright. At the moment, he thinks Ben still doesn’t want a boyfriend and if he implies anything, maybe he’ll want to end it and Callum doesn’t want that at all. So he manages to murmur something that could be taken either way and she shakes her head at him a little before he changes the subject to something safer, like washing clothes or sorting out sock drawers or anything mundane enough to get away from what’s happening in both his and Ben’s bedrooms. 

They text each other constantly whilst Ben is away and it makes Callum think a lot. He loves having sex with Ben, but when he’s not around, he doesn’t feel the need as much as when he’s there. He sits and thinks about it one evening in between messages, he always known how he feels about Ben but this is different now. He can’t imagine wanting to have sex with anyone else other than Ben ever, but more than that, he doesn’t want to think about Ben sleeping with other guys, he wants to be the only one that can get the noises out of him that he makes when he’s so turned on and aroused. It’s a game changer, it makes Callum realise that he has to start convincing Ben he wants more. And if what Lola says is true, if he’s happy, happier than he’s been for a long time, then he’s surely got a good chance, right?

It's the middle of the week when Ben sends him a message:  _ are you up for some fun?  _ and it makes him squirm just thinking about what Ben could be thinking of. He’d alluded to what could happen and Callum’s not stupid, he knows about phone sex and he knows the principal of it but he’s apprehensive. He’s never even considered anything like this before, leaving himself so open for someone else to watch, to listen to, but at the same time he’s almost desperate to see Ben doing the same things he’s almost scared of.

_ Sure _ , he replies immediately before he thinks too much and changes his mind and he sees the three dots appear straight away under the message showing Ben’s typing.

_ I’ll call you? _

It’s a video call that comes through and as he answers it, he can see Ben lying on top of his bed and he just can’t stop the smile that comes onto his face at the sight. He’s only been gone half a week and Callum’s missed him so much, missed seeing his face and sassy smile and the way his eyes twinkle when he’s being cheeky. He’s only wearing boxers and he’s grinning at the camera like this is the only thing he wants to be doing at this moment in time.

“Hello gorgeous,” he says and his face lights up as he looks at Callum. “You OK?”

“Never better,” Callum says with an answering smile as he gets himself comfortable on his bed. “At least, not now I’ve seen you.”

“You charmer,” Ben grins.

They chat idly for a while about what Ben’s been up to, what deals he and Jay have made, how they’ve sorted out the mess from the cars before, what Callum’s done at work and it’s sweet and lovely and Callum can feel his nerves starting to drop away under Ben’s careful questioning. He’s propping his head up and letting his eyes roam over Ben’s face, over his chest and he’s starting to feel hot but he’s still not sure if he can do anything over the phone. He’s never had anyone he’d even consider doing something like this with before. But Ben is being so soft and considerate, never pushing him to do more, never asking anything of him but just talking to him like he’s the most interesting person in the world, like what he has to say is worth listening to. 

It’s him that makes the first move, getting his fingers under his own T-shirt and pulling it off as they’re talking and then undoing the button on his jeans.

Ben stops him with a gentle smile, even if his eyes are growing darker. “We don’t have to do anything,” he says, “just whatever you want.”

“I don’t know what I want,” Callum admits.

“That’s fine too. Don’t do anything yet, but can I ask you a question instead? If you don’t want to answer either that’s OK as well.” Ben sits up a little, grabs a pillow to put over his lap and rest his arms on as he repositions the camera so he can see Callum better.

“You can ask me anything,” Callum says and means it, but he’s almost floored by what Ben asks.

“How have you found being there without me? Have you touched yourself?” is what comes out of his mouth and Callum flounders for a while, knows he’s going bright red again and can feel his cock starting to harden in the constraints of his jeans.

“I tried,” he admits when he’s able to speak, looking down at his fingers. “It didn’t feel the same though.”

He looks up to see Ben, leaning towards the camera, a hungry look on his face. “How did you do it?” he asks.

“I tried to finger myself in the shower,” Callum feels a bit braver at the obvious want on Ben’s face, the way he bites back a moan at Callum’s words. “I couldn’t get the right angle though, I missed your fingers, missed how you make me feel.”

“Babe,” Ben groans, and his eyes are almost black. “That’s so hot. You’re so hot, so beautiful.”

“I touched myself too, my dick, I mean, I imagined it was you then too,” Callum adds and is rewarded by the look that flashes over Ben’s face, heat, desire, arousal. He swallows and asks a lot more timidly, “what about you?”

Ben smiles, a predatory smile that lights up the entire room and makes Callum’s jeans so tight. He removes the pillow from this lap and shifts himself around and Callum can see the tent in his boxers. “I think of you whenever I touch myself, here or at home,” he says matter of factly, like it’s the most normal thing to do. Callum drops his head a little, overwhelmed by the feelings inside him and when he looks back up, Ben’s biting his lip, like he’s worried he’s gone too far and Callum can’t bear it, wants that look as far away from him as possible. He does the only thing he can think of, he unzips his jeans too and peels them off his legs, leaving himself open and obviously aroused in his boxers too. Ben gulps once as he sees how turned on Callum is. “Show me?” he whispers like it’s the thing he wants most in the world and Callum has no fear at hooking his fingers into his boxers and pulling them off, letting his cock spring out as he does so. Ben breathes hard and repeats the gesture on himself and Callum can see him so close and it’s so tantalising but he can’t touch and it’s horrible too. Ben’s cock is hard, red and weeping already and as Callum watches he wraps a hand around it and just tugs once, eyes fixed on Callum, waiting for him. Callum does the same thing and the moan that it brings out of him is guttural, having Ben watch him do this is so much better than hiding away under the covers and thinking he’s being dirty by touching himself. 

“You’re beautiful,” Ben gasps, as he starts to set a rhythm with his fist that Callum matches, stroke for stroke. The head of his cock is shuttling through his fist and Callum wants, wants so badly. 

“So are you,” he manages to whimper, so close, so soon. “I wish I was there with you. I wish it was me touching you. I wish you were touching me.”

Ben tilts his head forward a little, eyes never leaving Callum’s. “I wish that too,” he moans, “when I’m home, I promise. Get you filled up too, I know how much you like that, my fingers inside you, god, Callum, you’re incredible.”

It’s over far too soon, pent up sexual tension and the sight of Ben jacking himself off is too much for Callum and he comes with a loud groan and the sight and noise sets Ben off too and it’s almost enough to make Callum want to go again, the look on his face as he comes, the way his come lands in streams shoot over his chest and fist and the way he looks at Callum through it all, heavy lidded eyes and smouldering glances from under his eyelashes. It sends a shiver down Callum’s spine with how intense it can be, being in totally different places but doing this together. 

They take a while to come back down, both of them breathing heavily and Callum can’t take his eyes off Ben the whole time. Ben eventually smiles, a sweet, warm smile that makes his eyes crease. “Look at you,” he says, and it’s such a sweet tease that Callum can’t mind. “You’re not a baby gay anymore, babe. You’re amazing.”

“So are you,” Callum says as he lies back on the bed, noticing the appreciative way Ben’s eyes sweep over the curves of his body. “So amazing.”

“You know what I think you’d like when I get home?” Ben says as he lies down too, gets the camera in the right angle so he can just look. “There’s a butt plug in the box, it’ll fill you up for hours but without the extra pressure of a vibrator. Maybe something we can experiment with?”

“I’d like that,” Callum says, quiet and fond and is rewarded by a blinding smile.

They can’t turn the call off, not wanting to end the moment and Callum eventually falls asleep with a blanket pulled over him and when he wakes, Ben’s ended the call and sent him the sweetest text message.  _ Sweet dreams, gorgeous. You looked so handsome tonight. I can’t wait to get home and see you properly. B x _


	9. The Butt Plug

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So Callum’s getting adventurous....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is very slow burn but lots more smut to go, sorry!
> 
> Warnings - the chapter title says it all again

It’s the day that Ben’s due home when Callum pulls out the box and looks at it again. They’ve not stopped texting each other since the night they had phone sex and Callum’s been thinking so much about Ben, about what he wants to get out of this. They’ve arranged to meet up later on once Ben’s got back and unpacked and it’s driving him crazy, like an itch just under his skin that’s thrumming continuously. He rifles through the stuff in the box until he pulls out the butt plug Ben mentioned in the phone call and he just twists it in his hands, looking at it over and over again. It’s cool in his hands, the metal starting to warm up as he moves it around, moving the beads from one hand to the other as he thinks about how it will feel inside him. He’s read up on them since the conversation and it’s made him get hard just thinking about using one, about having it stretch him open for so long, ready for Ben and now he’s got it in his hand, cool to the touch, he can’t do anything but think about it. 

He grabs the lube from his bedroom and the butt plug and gets into the shower where he washes himself carefully, making sure the water is warm enough to loosen his muscles. When he’s relaxed, he lubes his own fingers and presses one into himself, trying to imagine it’s Ben doing it to him. It’s hard, he can’t manage the correct angle to make it feel really good, but he’s got an aim in mind, it’s not just for his own pleasure and so he can work with it. He closes his eyes, rubs his nipples with his other hand and then strokes down to his cock which he loosely fists as he adds a second finger. He has to stop stroking himself, bracing an arm against the shower wall when he gets the third finger inside himself and works himself open enough to fit the bulb of the plug into his body. He’s trembling when he feels that he’s stretched enough, both with the exertion and the thought of what he’s doing.

He makes sure he gets a good dollop of slick onto the plug and starts to push it into himself slowly, following what he’d watched the night before. He pulls it out, relubes it and repeats, a little at a time until it’s fully inside him. Then he stops still, hand still braced on the bathroom wall and takes a moment to feel it. He feels full, pleasant but not overly and it’s not the same throbbing arousal as when he wore the vibrator, more a subtle fullness that makes him breathe carefully. The metal was cool again when he picked it up but now it’s starting to warm with his body.

He stands up straight and moans as the plug nudges over his prostate. He walks to his bedroom, tries out a few different positions, standing, lounging against the wall, sitting down and it’s pushing into his prostate every now and then but it’s not the same jumpiness as with the vibrator, just pleasant fullness with a reminder every now and then of what’s actually inside him. It’s addictive, he could get used to this. He can’t help but think of Ben again, of what Ben would say, how he would look and the idea of sharing this with him makes his cock fill out. He breathes steadily, tugs once on his dick and then circles the base and thinks unsexy thoughts until he’s back in control. Then he gets dressed, carefully pulling his skinny jeans up, knowing that no one can see what he’s got inside him but being oh so aware of it himself.

  
He’s watching some dodgy tv programme, not concentrating on anything at all except what he’s wearing when there’s a knock on his door and he opens it and finds Ben there.

“Hi,” he grins, “we got back a bit early and Jay wanted to say hi to Lo properly so I thought I’d come to you if that’s OK?”

“Of course it’s ok,” Callum smiles, lets him into the flat and then gets him into a hug.

Ben tilts his face upwards, looks at him carefully. “Are you alright, you look a little flushed,” he says, gently touching Callum’s cheek with a finger.

“I’m fine,” Callum says and he is, so happy that Ben’s here and back and he bends his head and kisses him hello. Ben hums into the kiss and lets his hands drift over Callum’s back and it would be easy to just let him into his bed here and now. But Callum wants to play a bit more and so he pulls back. “You fancy a walk?” he asks and Ben laughs.

“Seriously, you want to go for a walk…,” he peers at Callum, must see something in his eyes because he relents. “Fine, but you’re going to have to buy me an ice lolly as a reward for not complaining,” he says, with a soft pinch to Callum’s cheek.

Callum does buy him one and they walk around the streets and the park, catching up and eating until they end up at the canal. It’s quieter along the towpath, even though there’s fisherman and a few families with kids feeding the ducks and Callum feels more comfortable even though they’re not totally alone, because he’s realised he wants Ben to know what he’s doing and here, it feels more private than out on the streets.

He waits until they’ve walked a little way along, and can stand and watch the boats as they approach the locks and then he gets his arms around Ben. Ben turns around to face him so he’s cuddling him. “This is nice,” he says softly, rubbing his hands up and down Callum’s arms.

Callum swallows, sees the flash of concern in Ben’s eyes. “Do you remember you spoke to me about using a butt plug,” he says and he’s proud that his voice doesn’t really waver that much.

Ben’s still looking at him in concern, “it was only a suggestion, you don’t have to do anything you don’t feel comfortable with,” he says.

“No, no, it’s not that. It’s amazing, I like it,” Callum says quickly and has the satisfaction of seeing the look on Ben’s face change from concern into lust. 

“You like how it felt, hey,” he says and his voice has gone husky.

“Still like how it feels,” Callum gets in close and whispers and he both sees and feels the sharp intake of breath that comment gets from Ben.

“Still feels,” he repeats, faltering slightly on the words. “Are you still wearing it?”

Callum nods and Ben groans, rocking his hips slightly against Callum’s and leans in close. “My god,” he breathes. “You’re really something else, babe.”

Callum has to pull back because they’re out in public but it’s so obvious that both of them are into this and he really wants to kiss Ben senseless. “Why are we here?” he asks, trying not to whine at how far away they are from home.

Ben huffs a laugh, his eyes fixed on Callum, “you suggested it babe,” he says, “but I think maybe we should get home, as quickly as we can. I really want to see you in it.”

Callum gulps, grabs Ben’s hand and practically pulls him back up the towpath.

They get back a lot quicker than they left, and the minute they’re inside Callum’s flat Ben has him pressed against the wall. He’s hard, Callum can feel him hot against him and it’s now almost normal and it makes him want to laugh. He gets away from the wall, pulls Ben towards the bedroom but they only manage to get to the sofa before Ben’s pushing him down again, fingers gliding over Callum’s arse through his jeans, grinding into him. There’s a flurry of kisses, fingers, hands and Callum actually thinks they’re just going to get naked here and have sex on his sofa and he can’t help himself, pulling back and away because he cannot imagine how he’d be afterwards knowing what they’d done where people sit. “Not here,” he gasps and Ben looks at him, nods curtly and grabs him again, crowding him into the bedroom where he’s a lot more comfortable.

Ben kisses him once, hard, teeth clashing and then steps back, sits on the edge of the bed, arms at his side. “Show me?” he half asks and he leans back and fixes a hot gaze on Callum. 

Callum swallows down the sudden flash of heat that goes through his body and lets his fingers linger under the edge of his T-shirt, pulling it up so Ben can see a flash of skin and then letting it go, turning around slowly and letting Ben see the curve of his arse and thighs through his jeans. Ben makes a strangled sound. “You fucking tease,” he says around a moan and Callum turns back around to see him, almost vibrating with arousal, hands gripping the duvet so hard his knuckles are white. He gulps at the sight and gets his T-shirt off quickly. He does slow back down, popping the button on his jeans slowly and deliberately, unzipping himself and then steadily peeling his jeans down his thighs and legs. He does get them caught up in his feet in his eagerness to get them off and Ben can’t help but smile a little, his face softening as he gazes at Callum.

The smile turns hotter as his eyes rove back up his body, lingering on Callum’s cock which is so hard in his boxers. Callum watches, waits until he can see Ben suck a deep breath in at the sight of him, then he slides his boxers off too and turns back around so Ben can see.

He hears the noise that is punched out of Ben, hears a rustling and then feels Ben behind him, hands around his knees, breath hot on the small of his back as he gets close. “Oh my god,” he whimpers and Callum’s knees grow weak at how wrecked he sounds. His fingers stroke lightly once over the end of the plug, and he kisses where his lips are pressed to Callum’s spine. “Beautiful,” he murmurs against Callum’s back. “So beautiful.”

He releases Callum and lets him turn, standing up himself so they’re face to face and then he pulls him into his arms, kisses him deep as his fingers once again linger over the plug inside Callum. “Let me help?” he begs and Callum can only nod.

Ben grins, a predatory grin that has him gasping already and then crowds him so he sprawls across the bed. Ben strips, quickly, no pretence here, and gets on the bed too. “Touch yourself,” he murmurs into Callum’s neck. “Please, I want to see.”

He’s hard as well and he wraps one of his hands around himself as he speaks, and Callum does the same, starting to fist himself slowly at the same tempo as Ben above him. Ben pushes him back with one hand, fumbles for a pillow and gets Callum’s hips where he wants them, one handed. He then leans in, kisses Callum to distract him from where his other hand has crept. They’re so close, their cocks and fists are brushing each other as they jerk themselves off and Callum can’t shut his eyes, wants to see the look on Ben’s face as he touches himself. But that’s almost derailed when he realises that Ben’s other hand is lingering over the plug inside him. As he kisses him once more, he slides his fingers around the end of it and twists it slowly into Callum’s prostate.

He moans loudly, body jerking off the bed as the bulbs push against him inside, right into the spot that makes him see stars. His hand falters on his dick, he’s so overcome with the feeling and Ben doesn’t miss a beat, covering his hand with the one on his own dick, getting their cocks together into the tight circle of both of their fists and carrying on with the same slow movement up and down. He’s gazing at Callum as he does this, and then he slides the plug out part of the way, letting it push firmly into that sweet spot as he does. He does let go then, just to grab the lube and he slicks up both of his hands and the butt plug again. He’s breathing hard, lips so close to Callum’s still and he murmurs into his mouth, “this good?”, checking in with him.

Callum lets his eyelashes flutter under the intense scrutiny and feelings. Ben’s hand is back on the plug, half in him, twisting slowly again, and his mouth is so close and his hand is shuttling their cocks together and it’s almost too much and not enough at the same time. “So good,” he manages to murmur and Ben smiles and carries straight on. He pushes the plug back inside Callum, twisting it and turning it and then pops out more beads before pushing them back in. It’s an action he repeats continuously whilst stroking their cocks and kissing Callum and he’d be impressed with his coordination if he was capable of thinking of anything else other than the sensations Ben’s causing him. He’s hitting his prostate randomly, sometimes when he twists, sometimes when he pushes in or pulls out and Callum can feel the start of his orgasm building in his stomach, like a coiling spring.

He moans into Ben’s mouth and gets his hand back onto Ben’s on their cocks and they speed up as Ben gets most of the plug out. Then with one swift movement he plunges it back inside Callum, getting every single bead into his prostate as he does so and Callum comes hard, over their hands, over their chests, crying Ben’s name out as he does. He feels Ben’s response immediately and then he slumps as Ben works them both through the aftershocks, too fucked out to even care about anything.

When he can think again, they’re cuddled together in bed, mess over every single part of their chests and Ben’s watching him gently. When he sees Callum is back with him, he strokes a gentle hand over his cheek and slowly pulls the butt plug out. “Are you good?” he checks and smiles when Callum nods his head.

He looks down at them and frowns a little. “I need to go get us cleaned up, babe,” he says, “or we’ll get stuck together. And I’ll clean your plug too. I won’t be long.”

Callum’s still too blissed out and just lies sprawled over the bed whilst Ben pads into the bathroom. He can hear the tap running, hear Ben humming lightly under his breath and closes his eyes and just feels. Ben comes back in with a wet cloth and straddles him again and starts to wipe off the mess on his chest, following the cloth with his lips. Once he’s done, Callum takes the cloth off him and does the same to Ben, noticing first the surprise and then the happiness in his eyes from the simple gesture.

Once their chests are clean, Ben gets the cloth back and then slides down so he’s level with Callum’s arse and tips his hips up. This is more embarrassing for Callum, it’s one thing to be having sex with your best friend and him seeing him naked whilst they’re in the midst of it, but this is different. Ben seems to understand because he presses a quick kiss to Callum’s hipbones and is quick and efficient, passing the cloth over the lube and mess they’ve made around his rim. He’s gentle, Callum is sore and so thankful for that fact, but when he’s finished, he’s almost sure that he feels Ben’s lips once, featherlight and soft, against the place he’s just cleaned. He takes the cloth back into the bathroom and when he flings himself down next to Callum, he can just taste the faint hint of toothpaste as they kiss languidly. “I need to go,” Ben eventually whispers into Callum’s skin. “Lo will be expecting me back. I don’t want to go, but I need to.”

Callum touches his face lightly. “I know,” he says. “I understand. I’ll see you tomorrow anyway,” and he pulls Ben down for one last kiss before letting him go. He falls asleep before Ben’s even left the flat, content and blissed out, dreaming of a dark haired handsome man all night.


	10. Rimming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> See title....

It’s routine by now, they hang out, go to the pub, pop into each other’s flats all the time but it’s also so crazy to Callum that his life now includes stealing kisses off Ben, them getting their hands and fingers on and into each other and that it doesn’t affect how much he enjoys just hanging out with his best friend. They watch a movie with Lola and Jay, sitting on opposite ends of the sofa and Ben throws popcorn at him all night, teasing him about how much he loves the Avengers and hates Disney and it’s just so normal and nice and the evening finishes once Jay and Lola have left with a bout of heavy kissing on the same sofa.

They go out for the next Saturday night as a foursome and manage to keep their hands off each other in public, although what they do in private is enough to make Callum blush all week. But since then he’s had a busy time at work and so has Ben, and they’ve both been kept away from each other, so it’s a few days later when Callum manages to get enough free time to go up to Ben’s flat. He waits until he sees Lola and Jay leaving and going for their dinner date before running up the stairs dressed in his grey hoodie and joggers. He lets himself in and finds Ben just finishing his work for the day, slumped over his laptop on the kitchen table. When Callum comes in, he looks up and a big smile splits his face in half. “Hey, you,” he says and it’s like he’s so pleased to see Callum. “How are you? It’s been ages since I last saw you. Can you stay for dinner? I’m almost finished here, if you want to wait around.”

Callum sits down next to him, and waits until he finishes what he’s typing before sliding a hand onto his shoulder. He’s tense, he’s been over strung and exhausted since the week he had to spend away when they had to sort out the mess with the cars, and Callum hates seeing him like this. “Are you ok?” he asks, fingers stroking over Ben's shoulder gently.

Ben turns and looks up at him. “I’m fine,” he says but Callum knows he’s not really, can see it in the tired slump of his shoulders and the dark marks under his eyes. 

He takes a deep breath. “I want to help you relax,” he says softly, “do you want a massage?” and he sees the flash in Ben’s eyes again, the one that comes when Callum does something he doesn’t expect, something caring.

“You don’t have to,” he says in a low voice but Callum leans in closer, sees the way his eyes go wide and hopeful.

“I want to,” he whispers and he’s never meant anything more. Ben can’t hide how much he wants it either and so Callum kisses him once, soft and sweet and gentle and lets his fingers tangle with Ben’s as he pulls him towards the bedroom.

He gets Ben naked and spread out on the bed and then kneels over his thighs, only dressed in his joggers. Ben’s been into Lola’s room and riffled through her makeup drawer and found her bottle of baby oil and it’s sitting on the bedside cabinet next to him. He lets his hands glide slowly over Ben’s back, down and then back up his spine before cupping them over his shoulders.

He gets some baby oil into his palms and warms it up before slowly starting to rub Ben’s shoulders, finding the knots and working each one out firmly and slowly. Ben’s skin is so soft under his hands and the oil makes him glisten in the dim evening light and he’s making some quite incredible noises as Callum’s hands get deeper and lower. Callum has to shift himself so Ben can’t feel how much it’s affecting him in his thin jogger material.

He focuses on Ben’s spine, his shoulders, all the way down to the small of his back, all the way up to the nape of his neck and he’s forgotten all time, all he’s aware of is the warmth of Ben below his legs and fingers, the way his back arches as Callum presses against him, the soft moans that are falling from his lips. He could do this for hours, it’s sensual and it’s making him feel so warm inside but it’s not the raging arousal he’s used to around Ben. This is a slow, soft burn starting from deep within his heart, radiating out to every single part of his body. He loves Ben so much it hurts. He wants this so much.

It doesn’t seem to take that long until Ben is a boneless puddle beneath him, so relaxed and with no tension in his shoulders and it’s only then that Callum stills his hands and leans forward, pressing a soft kiss to the nape of his neck. Ben shifts his head slightly to the side, watching him out of liquid blue eyes, as he kisses up the column of his neck to just below his ear, where he sucks lightly on the lobe. Ben huffs a little, lets Callum settle over him so they're skin to skin from the waist upwards and they just breathe together.

Ben’s back is still oily and Callum can feel it over his chest by the time they’re both ready to move and when he sits up and Ben follows, he runs a finger down his chest in disgust, “I’m a mess,” he says,

Ben looks at him, still all soft eyes and gentle smiles. “I have an idea for today, but it would require a shower. We could get the oil off at the same time and wash properly?” he suggests hopefully.

And that’s how they end up squashed into the tiny shower at Ben’s, water warm as it cascades over them both. Ben soaps up a sponge and gently washes Callum’s chest and back, up his arms and down to his fingers, over his thighs and legs. Callum does the same for Ben, slowly, letting his fingers linger as he presses it against his back and shoulders. It’s warm and lovely and Callum’s heart is almost breaking with how much he wants this forever, this caring side of Ben that no one else gets to see. Once they’re clean, Ben spends more time making sure he’s ready for whatever he’s got in mind for afterwards, washing him so carefully and thoroughly, watching him through darkening eyes as he does so. 

It’s when they’re out of the shower, drying themselves off in a large towel, that Ben tells him his idea, whispering it into the heated skin of his collarbones. “I want to rim you,” he confesses, “then I want to fuck you. Me, not a toy, just me. If that’s ok with you.”

Callum’s cock twitches against Ben’s hip, showing his interest before he even can speak. “I’d love that,” he whispers back.

They’re kissing before they even make it back to the bedroom, towel long forgotten in the bathroom, rock hard where they’re pressed against each other. Callum’s pushed back on the bed so he’s spreadeagled and Ben just kisses him all the way down into the sheets, hot body a complete contrast to the cool cotton below him. He gets lost in the feel of Ben over him, body, lips, mouth, teeth, tongue, and just holds on tight as he’s kissed and nipped into a state of need.

He’s not sure how long it’s been when Ben finally releases his mouth, his lips reddened, and slides his hands down Callum’s sides. “Turn over?” he asks and there’s an underlying current of nervousness in his voice. “It’ll be easier for me and will feel better for you.”

There’s part of Callum that wants to see it’s Ben when he’s doing this, but he obeys, rolling over onto his stomach. Ben pulls him so he’s on his knees, resting on his forearms and elbows and there’s a second when he’s pleased it’s this way around because he feels so vulnerable, exposed like this, and he can at least hide his red face in the sheets below him. Ben leans over him, chest to back, all the way up, a long line of heat pressed against him and he kisses the skin behind his ear, his throat, his cheek, the edge of his mouth, Callum turns his head a little and Ben kisses him properly, his hands skating everywhere he can touch. “Let me know if you don’t like it, or you want me to stop,” he breathes into Callum’s mouth. “Promise me.”

“I promise,” Callum says and Ben closes his eyes, rests for a second draped over Callum, his lips fluttering against his face. His hands move down Callum’s arms to his hands where they’re resting on the sheets and he interlocks their fingers briefly.

“Ok,” he murmurs as he squeezes their hands and then he releases Callum, guiding his fingers to grasp the sheets and shifts slightly so he’s properly in between his spread thighs. His hands are gliding up, towards Callum’s back and sides and he kisses the nape of his neck, once, twice, before starting to trail a line of kisses downwards. He kisses what feels like each and every bump down Callum’s spine, slowly and tenderly, hands stroking as he moves and it makes Callum’s heart bleed even more. He pauses when he gets to the small of Callum’s back, hands stroking over his ass and he kisses the dip between spine and arse, face lingering there for a second. His thumbs slide down Callum’s crack and he whimpers into the sheets below him. Ben doesn’t stop, leans closer and Callum can feel his breath, warm and wet against his hole. And then Ben gets in even closer and licks, just once, all the way down to behind Callum’s balls. His tongue is incredible there, soft, warm, wet but with an underlying strength that gets Callum right in the stomach. There’s a noise, high pitched and whining and it takes Callum a second to realise that it’s him that’s making it. Ben pauses, sucks at Callum’s balls gently and then kisses his way back up until he pressed against the soft secret skin and then he starts in earnest, taking his time. He licks, long and slow and easy, over Callum’s hole, long and deliberate strokes of tongue that have Callum clutching the sheets and whining and pushing back before he’s even really started. He alternates licks with kisses, giving the same sort of attention as he would normally give to Callum’s mouth and Callum’s only vaguely aware that he’s pressing his face into the sheet and begging incoherently, loud and breathy into the air of the bedroom. 

“Are you ok,” Ben pulls back a little to say and his breath is warm over Callum and it makes him shiver, “because you look so good from where I am, babe, so good.”

Callum can’t speak, can’t even begin to form words, but he manages a low, bone deep groan and feels Ben chuckle against his skin. “I’ll take that as an I feel really good, Ben,” he murmurs and gets back to it. As well as his tongue on Callum’s hole, he’s slid a hand around and he’s fondling Callum’s balls, rolling them in his hand and Callum’s not sure how much longer he can take this because it’s so wonderful, the now familiar heat of orgasm starting to grip him deep in his stomach. Ben must know him, know his tells by now because he waits again, and it’s only when the white heat has subsided a little that he returns to his task. But this time, he pushes just the tip of his tongue inside Callum and he can’t stop the shout as he clenches around him. Ben sucks at the ring of muscle until Callum’s almost sobbing, so wrecked by this one act, pushing in and licking to open him up and before he’s really aware, Ben’s thrusting into his hole, tongue curling into him, slow but deep, fingers around his balls and kneading into his ass cheeks and Callum can’t help but push backwards, begging with his body, only breathy moans and pleas falling out of his lips as he succumbs to the absolute waves of pleasure that Ben is giving him. Ben’s murmuring something as he gets even closer, even deeper and it’s vibrating inside him and all of a sudden Callum knows he’s going to come hard if Ben doesn’t stop and he promised he’d fuck him….

He manages to push himself away with the little bit of self awareness he has left and he turns to look at Ben, who is all dark eyes, reddened lips spit slicked. He’s so beautiful, but he’s looking concerned and worried as he gazes at Callum. “Gonna come,” Callum manages to wheeze out and Ben finally smiles, wide and gorgeous. 

“Want to wait until I’m inside you,” he says gently, understanding immediately, and he moves upwards for a kiss, although he stops just before he reaches Callum, pulls a face and strokes his cheek, sweat and all, instead. “I need to brush my teeth, babe, give me a minute.”

Callum takes that time to lie down, get his bearings back a little and he turns his head as Ben bounds back in, his dick so hard, face so eager and he moans in anticipation. Ben straddles him and then he gets his lips on him and they’re kissing finally, pressed fully against each other. Callum’s gone so quickly, not just at the feel of Ben, so hard and perfect against him, but at the idea that the same movement he’s doing to Callum’s mouth with his tongue is what he’s just done to his arse. It’s a heady feeling and he has to grab hold of himself to stop himself coming straight away. He wants to hold off. He wants Ben inside him. 

It’s not long before Ben reaches over to snag the lube and stills, before picking up a condom packet and holding it between his finger and thumb. He holds it out towards Callum. “We’re both clean,” he whispers, close to Callum, breath skirting over his skin and causing goosebumps to appear. “But it’s your choice.”

Callum takes a deep breath as he stares at both Ben and the foil packet. “What do you want?” he asks and gets that same look as earlier crossing Ben’s face, like he can’t believe Callum is real.

“I don’t mind, baby,” he says. “It feels better without but if we’re being totally safe we should use one. I just want you to be comfortable, I’m happy either way.”

God, Callum loves him so much and it’s like a physical pain in his chest amongst the arousal he’s feeling. He presses upwards and kisses the very corner of Ben’s mouth. He wants to feel all of Ben, every single ridge and vein that he’s touched and kissed over the past months, filling him up, but for his very first time, all the sex education from school and adverts is too much for him to get past. “Condom, please,” he breathes into Ben’s mouth and is rewarded by a deep kiss as Ben places the condom in easy reach on the bedside table.

“Yeah,” Ben pushes back into his mouth. “Yeah, babe, of course,” and then he returns to kissing every single coherent thought out of Callum’s brain. He slicks up his fingers as they’re kissing and Callum’s so relaxed and open from all the fingering they’ve been doing since this started and the rimming from earlier that it’s only a few minutes before Ben’s got three fingers deep inside him, thrusting them at the same tempo as his tongue is flicking into Callum’s mouth. Callum knows Ben loves this, getting his fingers inside him, stretching him open, seeing how he falls apart as he touches his prostate and he enjoys this part of the process so much. If Ben was just to fuck him, not this long winded, sensual foreplay, he wonders if he would be so brittle every time they have to part and he’s reminded it’s only sex. He wants this so much, so he pours everything he has into making this as good for Ben as it is for him, making it so Ben can’t just walk away from him. He used to be embarrassed about the noises he would make but Ben likes them, likes knowing he’s making Callum feel good so he lets every single cry that comes as Ben crooks his fingers just right fall out of his mouth, into Ben’s, into his skin, into the room and watches as Ben’s eyes grow darker.

His hips have started riding Ben’s fingers when Ben stills, fingers lingering inside as he snags the condom packet once more and Callum knows what’s coming, he’s been waiting for this since they started and he can’t help the guttural moan that he hides in Ben’s chest. “How do you want this,” Ben murmurs. “On your hands and knees will be easier for you, but we can do it like this if you prefer.”

Callum thinks about it for a second but he knows what he wants. “Want to see you,” he murmurs and Ben groans and kisses him, reaching for a pillow with his one hand. 

“Baby,” he says, all breathy and hoarse as he slides the pillow under Callum’s hips, raising him up to get a better angle. He slides his fingers out finally and Callum feels so empty without him. “I know,” Ben soothes, kisses the sweat at his hairline. “It’ll feel so good, I promise you.”

His fingers are trembling as he fumbles with the condom packet and Callum helps him undo it, helps him slide it over his hard dick, weeping with precome and it’s so beautiful he has to help, has to get his fingers on him, even if they're shaking as much as Ben’s are. And then Ben gets into position and Callum can feel the head of his dick pressing against his hole.

His groan dies to dust in his throat as Ben slowly pushes just the head past the ring of muscle and then waits for Callum to get accustomed to the feeling. He cups Callum’s cheek, presses his forehead against his hair and Callum can see how overwhelmed he is too. Surely this can’t just be sex for him as well? Surely he can persuade Ben that this is what he wants to do for the rest of his life?

The thoughts stop then as Ben slowly presses further in and Callum tilts his head back into the pillow and just tries to breathe, open mouthed, because this is more than he ever imagined. He’s been fucked by the dildo but Ben is different, warm, heat radiating out from every single inch of him and he can feel every ridge on his cock as he slowly slowly pushes in. Ben gasps against him. “God, Callum, you feel amazing,” he murmurs and Callum gets his hands onto his back, pulls him in closer and instinctively raises a leg to wrap around his hip. It makes the angle easier and Ben slips in even further, his hand grasping Callum’s thigh and hitching it up where he wants it. When he bottoms out, hips pressed against Callum’s, Callum tries to form words to express what he’s feeling, fullness, contentment, home, but all he can get out is “Ben,” on a shaky exhale, voice roughed by his feelings.

“Are you OK?” Ben asks, hands stroking Callum’s waist and he nods, quickly.

“I’m fine, don’t stop please,” he gasps and Ben smiles, probably aiming for cocky but missing the mark, and he slowly pulls out all the way back to the head. Callum’s sure his face is a picture, he can’t stop the pants and the way his mouth just drops open at the drag against him inside, the feel of Ben’s cock moving against him and when Ben rocks back in he groans and squeezes with his leg that’s wrapped around Ben waist.

“Yeah?” Ben asks breathlessly and Callum nods, whimpering.

“Yes, god, yes,” he begs and Ben moves his hips in an achingly slow thrust that has Callum gripping his shoulders so tight he’s sure he’s going to leave marks. “You can give me more than that, Ben, please.”

“But you look so good like this, begging me, desperate for each thrust,” Ben teases but he lowers himself down and kisses Callum once, lips lingering, before he starts to move in earnest, long, slow, deep thrusts every single time.

Callum’s world shrinks down to just bright pinpoints of pleasure, the feeling of Ben’s hair where he’s wrapped his fingers around it, the heat of Ben’s breath against his neck, the stretch and burn of his muscles as he clings to Ben with arms and legs, the thick, solid drag of Ben’s cock inside him, the rising pleasure as Ben’s cock hits him in the right place every single time he thrusts in, the way his hips jerk when he bottoms out each time like he can’t quite believe he’s fucking Callum either. He wants so much, this feels like making love, not just sex, he’s almost drowning in how much he feels for this man.

Ben shifts onto his knees and sets a slow, deep rhythm that makes Callum want to plead with each and every thrust. He hitches his other leg up so he’s now wrapped totally around Ben but Ben doesn’t stop there, gets a hand under one of his thighs and hoists it over his shoulder so he’s thrusting even deeper into Callum’s body.

Callum’s hips rock up almost without any thought and he clings as hard to Ben as he can. Ben picks up the pace until he’s got a fluid rhythm that’s hitting all the right spots and lighting up Callum’s nerves with ease. It’s building slowly but surely, the heat between them and Ben raises his head from Callum’s neck and looks down at him.

“Beautiful,” Callum whispers, fingers tightening in Ben’s hair and his rhythm falters for the first time and he makes a desperate noise, changing the angle slightly and Callum has to shut his eyes against the white hot pleasure that suddenly courses through him. “Ben,” he cries out 

Ben’s lips curve into a smile against his cheek. “There?” he asks and he sounds so wrecked and it makes Callum groan and pant as Ben hits his prostate over and over again. It’s building deep in his abdomen, pressure starting to rise through his entire body, thrumming with the approaching orgasm. Ben manages to reach between them and get a hand around Callum’s cock and Callum can’t help the desperate gasp that falls out of his mouth. “Come on, Callum, come for me babe,” Ben whispers and that’s it for Callum.

“Oh, fuck, Ben,” he moans as he starts to shake apart, Ben stroking him faster, the way he knows he likes it from their time together, and then he’s tightening around Ben’s cock, stiffening as he comes into Ben’s fist, over his hand, over his chest. Ben fucks him through it and he manages to open his eyes and sees the look on his face as he’s watching him.

“Ben, want you to come in me,” he gasps and Ben moans brokenly and with one last firm thrust he groans and spills into Callum’s body, hips twitching.

It’s like the world has gone silent, Callum can barely breathe at the feeling, the clench, the pulse of Ben deep within him, the look on his face as his orgasm hits. He’s beautiful. He collapses onto Callum’s chest, letting his leg drop from his shoulder carefully and they both lie there, panting into each other’s skin, fingers stroking over sweat soaked skin. Ben finally lifts his head up and Callum can’t read the look in his eyes. “Hi,” he murmurs and Callum can’t stop the smile that grows wide.

“Hi,” he whispers back and then they’re kissing, wrapped in each other, a slow soft brush of tongues that calms the clawing and bitterness in his chest more than he thought it would.


	11. Ben

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is Ben’s point of view, plus a bit more smut of course
> 
> This didn’t turn out quite as I expected, sorry, it’s not as fluffy as I thought it would be. Turns out Ben has a lot of feelings about what’s happening too...

Ben’s been best friends with Callum for as long as he can remember. He’s always been there, his presence calming when Ben’s been hurt or upset or worried, the person he likes to talk to and laugh with most in the world. If he’s being honest, he’s been in love with Callum ever since he turned up for their first day at school, all bowl cut floppy hair and large blue eyes. 

But Callum always was the one he could never have, the straight best friend. Until he wasn’t straight, he was admitting he was gay, he’d been gay for all his life and suddenly Ben knew he could try to put all his deepest dreams into real life. But he hesitated, because Callum had only just come out and needed to get to know what he wanted and what he liked and he didn’t deserve to be saddled with someone like Ben just because they were both gay and also best friends. So he held his tongue, carried on with meaningless one night stands and watched from afar as everyone tried unsuccessfully to set Callum up with low life guy after low life guy. And if his heart broke a little more every time it happened, and then soared when Callum turned every single one of them down, well, that was only his business to know, no one else’s. 

Callum never made any indication that he thinks of Ben as anything other than his best friend, and he knows that should, has to, be enough. Which is why he’s shocked when Callum approaches him and asks him to sleep with him to gain him experience. Not totally surprised, if he’s honest, he’d dropped hints a few times, but shocked that he actually wants to do it. But he knows he’s waited too long, kept too quiet, lost whatever small chance he could have had, because Callum asks him to “help me get experience for other men?” and his brain is firing warning signals before he’s even processed the question. Something must show on his face because Callum is carrying on, “I mean, I know you don’t like me like that, you’d be doing me a massive favour and I get it if you’d rather not, if you prefer just casual sex. But I’d like it, I trust you more than I trust anyone else in the world.”

It’s like a siren in Ben’s brain, he knows he’s messed this up big time because Callum doesn’t know how he feels about him. He’s so torn. If he says yes, he’ll get to sleep with Callum, spend time with him, be with him like he’s always wanted to be, but it’s not going to be the same, he only wants Ben before he goes off and finds a boyfriend. But if he says no then Callum will go off and find someone anyway and he can’t let that happen, he doesn’t want Callum to end having sex with random men, knowing someone else is touching him and kissing him and being with him when it could be Ben himself. Maybe, if he says yes, he can convince Callum that he does want Ben to be his boyfriend, then he’s got a chance at least. So that’s why he agrees to the hair brained scheme, even though he knows there’s a chance their friendship will change so much, because he wants even the smallest opportunity to show Callum exactly what he could have.

He’s always known Callum is incredible, but the last few months have shown him exactly how wonderful he is. The way he’s so responsive to everything, the way he wants to make Ben feel good every single time they have sex, it’s something Ben’s not used to at all. But it’s more than that, it’s the way he lets Ben cuddle close after, the way he talks to him, listens to him, laughs at him, wants to spend time with him. The way he kisses, the way he looks, the unconditional trust he puts in Ben, the way he treats him every single day, not just when they’re in bed but when they’re hanging out in the pub or watching tv. He’s exactly the sort of boy Ben can imagine spending his life with. And sure, he was inexperienced when they started this, but that was sweet in itself, getting to see how he started off so shy that he went red every time Ben brought up sex, to building up to wearing a butt plug whilst out on a walk and surprising Ben. He still gets hot all over when he thinks about how sexy Callum is, he’s always been special but now, now he’s tasted him and had the chance to see him in the throws of passion, how can he go back to one night stands, meaningless sex? All he really wants now is to sleep with someone he loves and who loves him back in return. But he knows Callum is doing this for someone else, someone nameless but in his future, and the only way he can think of to change his mind is to throw absolutely everything he has into this one connection, sex.

The thing is, it’s changed him, being with Callum. He’s happier, he knows it and it shows in everything he does. Lola had grabbed him about a week ago, big smile on her face as she stared at him. “You’ve got a man,” she had said.

“What, no…” Ben had started to fumble, but he knew it was pointless as soon as she raised her eyebrows suggestively.

“I’ve heard you,” she had said. “It’s nothing to be worried about or embarrassed about, it’s lovely to see you like this, Ben. I’m so pleased for you.”

Of course, she had then had to make it all horrible by adding, “now all we need to do is get Callum someone too and then we’ll all be happily shacked up.”

He is happy but he’s also so worried about losing Callum, about losing himself in Callum. It would be so easy for Ben, and he’s never really felt like he wanted a relationship, but this is different. This is Callum. This is something he both wants and is scared of equally.

He’d held off on being inside Callum for so long, knowing that the minute he did he would never want to go back. And it was true, the first time that had happened had rocked his world on so many levels. And Callum likes it too. So much so, that since that night, they’d never really stopped. They’ve experimented with different positions, Callum on his hands and knees, flat on his stomach with Ben draped over every inch of exposed skin, spooning, they’d even tried against the wall but that had ended in lots of embarrassed giggles and an aching back for Ben that Callum had laughingly massaged for the entire night. And that’s one reason why he loves Callum - it doesn’t matter that the sex isn’t perfect (although it is perfect in Ben’s eyes) - it’s messy and awkward but it’s also funny and endearing and he feels so safe. Callum likes missionary the best and Ben is too far gone to deny him that, even if he knows that other ways were probably better in terms of angles and feelings. If it means he gets to watch Callum’s face during sex, see the flush start on his cheeks and travel down to his chest and stomach, watch as he falls apart under Ben, look in awe as he comes, then Ben’s not going to complain either.

Tonight, they’d snuck off from the bar early, sure that Lola and Jay wouldn’t miss them amongst all the dancing and flirting they’d been doing. They’re now in Callum’s flat, already naked, making out on his bed. Ben has that low thrum of arousal coiled in his belly, it has been there all night, from the minute he saw Callum in his skinny tight jeans and white shirt he was a goner. The shirt was the first thing to go when they almost fell into his flat though, discarded somewhere in the living room as they fumbled their way into the bedroom.

Now, he’s kneeling over Callum, their cocks brushing each other as they kiss, deep and sweet and lovely. He can’t get enough of Callum’s lips, they’re the most incredible lips he thinks he’s ever kissed. He never kisses his one night stands, he was hoping that Callum would make that connection because all he wants to do is kiss him. But he’s never said anything. Even so, in the back of Ben’s mind, is the thought that if he kisses him enough, maybe he’ll never want to leave. 

He doesn’t know how long they’ve been doing this for, but Callum’s mouth is reddened and kiss bitten and he’s breathing heavily and his eyes have changed from an ocean blue to nearly black. Ben leans into him further, presses so that they’re chest to chest and slants his lips over Callum’s again and again, listening to the whimpering noises that let him know exactly how much Callum likes what he’s doing. He’s sucking on Ben’s tongue, then tracing random patterns around his mouth and behind his teeth and Ben also can’t help the noises he’s making, that make Callum shiver underneath him and cling to his back and shoulders even tighter and he feels the heat spike inside him at every murmur and whimper he elicits.

He’s breathing hard too when he breaks the last round of kissing, rests his forehead against Callum’s and just drinks the sight of him in. Callum slides his hands up his back and around his neck so he’s holding his face and he gives Ben the half quirked smile that always makes his heart beat faster. “Can I ride you tonight?” he asks, voice low. “I’ve been looking, I’d really like to try. If you want me to that is.”

He looks so worried that Ben kisses him again. His heart is pounding because this is one of his favourite positions and the idea of seeing Callum riding him is something that he knows will blow his mind. He’s just going to have suck the horrible realisation that this is temporary back and enjoy it while he can.

“Yeah, please,” he manages to say and Callum beams at him and it’s all worth it, for that look to be directed solely at him.

He reaches for the lube and a condom, every time they’ve had sex up to now they’ve used a condom and Ben’s happy as long as Callum is. But tonight, Callum reaches out and snags the condom packet from him and puts it back in the drawer. “You sure?” Ben whispers, stilling, because this is going to kill him but he wants it so, so badly, to be inside Callum bare, to feel every single inch of him.

“Yeah,” Callum breathes. “I’m so sure. We’re both clean, you said it yourself, I trust you. I want to feel you, really feel you I mean.” He hesitates, lets his fingers stroke Ben’s cheeks, the short hair behind his ears. “If you want it that is…” he says again, concern in his eyes and it’s that that gets Ben, every single time. No one has ever cared enough about him, about his needs and wants and desires the way Callum does.

Ben responds to that the only way he knows, getting his lips back onto Callum and showing his consent through actions. Callum smiles into the kiss and then manages to flip them over so Ben’s on his back, sprawled across the sheets and Callum is hovering above him, thighs bracketing his hips, eyes alight. He’s so gorgeous. And, for the first time in what feels like ever, from this position Ben can imagine Callum sliding inside him. He doesn’t bottom with his one night stands, doesn’t trust any of them enough to be inside him, doesn’t want to make himself that vulnerable. But Callum, god, he can imagine everything with him.

He arches his back, letting his cock drag against Callum’s as he pouts his lips for a kiss to push those thoughts to the back of his mind because he can’t, not now, not when he knows this won’t last. He can’t break his heart and let himself be so open if Callum’s going to leave him and so he pours everything into this kiss to make him forget that lingering urge. Callum’s whimpering into his mouth as he fucks it with his tongue and Ben concentrates on that, the sounds, the feel of Callum’s body over him and grounds himself.

Once he’s back in control, he blindly gropes for the lube bottle and gets his fingers nice and slick. Callum doesn’t need much opening, he’s still stretched from the last time they had sex, but he loves this, loves making Callum feel good and it’s got to work in his favour long term if he wants to convince Callum he’d be a good boyfriend. It’s never an issue, fingering him, it’s one of Ben's favourite pastimes at the moment. He shifts down in the bed slightly, so he can reach better and Callum helps, moving so he’s straddling his chest. In this position, Ben can reach his goal easily with his hands and Callum’s dick is right in front of his face so it’s a win win situation.

He slides a finger in, straight away, no holding back and Callum responds immediately and prettily, face contorting and mouth dropping open and he grinds back into Ben’s finger. Ben hums a little as he sets an easy rhythm in and out and gets his lips wrapped around the head of Callum’s dick as well. It’s the feeling of Callum that gets him every single time they do this, the weight of him on his tongue, the taste of him, the knobs and bumps and ridges inside him as he lets his finger drag and stroke down his insides. It’s no time at all until he gets his second finger in and straight away Callum’s unsure of where to move, he’s grinding backwards onto Ben’s fingers and pushing forwards into the heat of his mouth at the same time and he’s making the noises that go straight to Ben’s cock and it’s almost overwhelming, being underneath him. He focuses on making it the most pleasurable experience he can as he lets his tongue trace the vein on the underside of Callum’s cock before encouraging him to thrust his hips and adds his third finger at the same time. Callum’s so considerate, hands cupping the back of Ben’s head, trying not to thrust too deep into his throat no matter how much Ben wants it. He falls to pieces when Ben crooks his fingers, finding that spot with ease now he’s done it so many times recently, head thrown back, crying out his pleasure as he tries to get the fingers deeper inside him. Ben has to pull back off his cock, because he doesn’t want Callum to come until he’s inside him and he wants to watch, wants to see the absolute beauty above him. 

He hesitates for a second before teasing Callum’s rim with the tip of his fourth finger and Callum’s eyes open wide and fix on him. They’re practically black and he’s trying to speak as his fingers grip into Ben’s hair at the back of his skull. “Please,” he manages to rasp, biting his lips as he stares at Ben and Ben obliges by gently sliding the fourth finger into him too. Callum goes still and silent, only harsh pants filling the air as Ben lets all four fingers thrust into him, his own head swimming.

“You’re amazing, Callum, take me so well,” he gets out through his own moans as the feeling of tightness, heat almost overwhelms him and Callum closes his eyes again and sobs as he pushes backwards and gets the pads of Ben’s fingers into his prostate.

He could get him off like this, he’s so beautiful, but Ben wants to be inside him so badly, wants Callum to ride him so he stills his fingers and slowly pulls them out one at a time. They’re both rock hard, hips twitching, and he can’t help but press another kiss to the head of Callum’s cock as he removes his fingers. Callum watches with those darkened eyes as he finally gets all four fingers out and takes the lube off him confidently, reaching behind him as he bends over and kisses Ben. He’s stroking lube over Ben’s cock, and Ben groans, bites his lip because he’s so close himself now, both of them hovering close to the edge. He’s not sure when Callum changed into this sexy confident man but it’s such a turn on for him, in fact, every single thing about Callum turns him on at this moment in time.

Once Callum’s lubed him up, they both have to take just a second to wait before continuing, eyes locked on each other until Ben’s sure the edge of orgasm has receded enough so he’ll be able to make Callum feel so good. He reaches for Callum’s hand, interlocks their fingers briefly and nods, “I’m good, babe,” he whispers and Callum smiles, knocks their noses together gently.

“Me too,” he whispers back and then he shifts himself backwards so he’s lined up with Ben’s cock and starts to sink down slowly.

It’s both the most immense feeling and the most torturous Ben’s felt in a long time as Callum moans whilst he’s lowering himself down. It’s wonderful without the thin layer of a condom to hide behind, he’s so hot and tight around his dick and every single inch is bliss as his cock drags along Callum’s insides as he moves. Callum’s feeling it too, he can tell by the way his face falls into pure pleasure, the way his fingers clench in the bedsheets, the way his toes curl where they’re pressed under Ben’s thighs. His breathing is short and harsh in the suddenly quiet room, and Ben can’t help grabbing onto his hips, helping him down, fingers stroking over the bones with such tenderness he’s almost surprised Callum doesn’t call him out on it there and then.

Then there’s the moment when Callum bottoms out, when their hips are flush against each other and all Ben can feel is Callum, Callum, heat surrounding him, completely skin on skin. 

Callum bends over and manages to kiss him, an inelegant fumble of lips but Ben doesn’t care because Callum’s hips are starting to twitch. He lets his hands smooth up his sides, back down to his hips and tilts his face upwards so he can watch the way Callum looks. “You feel amazing,” he tells him, just to see the way he shivers.

“You feel so good too,” he breathes and Ben can’t help the whimper that elicits from him. Callum presses their foreheads together and then he starts to move, slow circles with his hips at first that have Ben groaning and clutching so hard at his hips he’s sure he’s going to leave marks there. Callum gets his hands back to cradle Ben’s head. “Incredible,” he murmurs on a moan as he shifts his hips a little faster.

Ben’s trying so hard not to thrust into the heat, wants to let Callum dictate the pace, and he’s rewarded when Callum gives a whimper, sits up a bit straighter and puts his back into it a bit more, setting a slightly faster rhythm. Ben’s not sure what he’s been watching or reading but he’s a natural, thighs moving as he slides up and down, circling his hips when he bottoms out, some shorter movements, others up to the tip then back down. He’s trying to find the right angle and Ben wants to see it so much, wants to help. He lets his fingers settle back onto his hips, helping him move and lets the noises spill out and show Callum exactly how much he’s enjoying this.

Callum pauses when he’s fully sheathed, then changes his position slightly, getting his knees properly set and his hands on Ben’s thighs. Like this, his back is bowed slightly and all Ben can see is a long line of glorious skin and his cock, jutting out, so hard and gorgeous. Callum starts to move again, hard and fast and as Ben watches, his face changes and he hisses and it doesn’t take a genius to figure out he’s got the right angle.

“There?” Ben asks. Callum can’t speak but his eyes open, half lidded with desire and he fixes them on Ben as he’s fucking himself on Ben’s cock. So Ben gets his feet planted on the bed and finally allows himself to thrust upwards.

Callum cries out with each thrust, they’re moving together and Ben’s orgasm is building so rapidly. It’s how Callum looks, the way he’s quivering, the feel of him so warm and tight and perfect, the noises he’s making as Ben drags against his prostate on every single up-down movement and each perfectly timed thrust. “Ben,” he sobs and Ben can’t hold it in anymore but he’s desperate for Callum to come first. He reaches out with his hands, one moving to grip the hand that’s splayed on his thigh and the other to wrap around Callum’s dick. He starts stroking in a counter rhythm to how Callum’s moving, what he knows will blow Callum’s mind quickly. And sure enough it does, Callum fully open his eyes to meet Ben’s, wide and hazy and he makes a low keening noise deep in his throat as Ben’s cock jams into his prostate one last time. And then he’s coming, streams of come covering Ben as he strokes him through it. The sensation of it, with Ben bare inside him, is like nothing Ben’s experienced before

“Come on, Ben,” Callum’s saying as he comes, “come in me, want to feel you…”

And Ben groans once, “oh my god, Callum, I lo...” on his lips before he manages to cut himself off as he responds to the way Callum’s clenching around him, and he comes, hard, bright white light covering his eyes as he falls to pieces in a moaning mess.

It’s after they’ve both recovered a little and Callum’s grabbed something from the floor, possibly his T-shirt, and cleaned them up and they’re cuddling in bed before Ben has to leave, when he actually realises what he had almost said. Callum’s not said anything about the almost I love you that passed from his lips, instead just gathering Ben into his arms and letting him nuzzle into his shoulder. Ben’s not sure if it’s because Callum didn’t hear it or he’s ignoring what happened but it makes him really think. He knows what Callum means to him. Maybe he can start to ease him into the idea that having Ben as a boyfriend is what he really wants. 


	12. Sick...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben gets sick. Callum’s there to help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this chapter before the second wave started, I did think about whether to change it or not include it but I feel the story needs it so I have left it in.  
> Ben is ill but it’s nothing more than flu.

It’s a Thursday night and it's supposed to be their monthly pub quiz night. Supposed to being the words to use, as Callum hasn’t heard off anyone all day, despite texting Ben a few times. He’s a bit worried. They’ve been having full blown, mind blowing sex properly for a few weeks now and it’s become more addictive than anything else they’ve done. Ben is perfect. Callum’s been trying to make himself indisposable, make it so Ben can’t let him go and if that means reading up on things or watching things to make sex so good for Ben that he’ll never want to leave, then he’ll do it. But he’s also worried that maybe he’s coming on too strong, that Ben’s getting tired of him and wants to go back to easy, no strings attached sex with a line of random men. So after sending three messages during the day, none of which have been returned, he stopped and fretted instead.

But he can’t stay away, because Ben has gotten so far under his skin and he’s still his best friend. He’s texted Jay and Lola too, but neither of them have replied to him either and so by the time he finishes work, he’s starting to get very worried. After sitting in his flat, thinking of all the possible outcomes and realising he’s making it worse by not knowing, he decides to just pop upstairs to see what’s going on. When he’s on the stairs he quite literally bumps into Lola, who’s running down with a backpack slung over her shoulder. Her face is worried but as she sees Callum she half-smiles. “I was just going to pop into see you,” she says.

“What’s up?” he asks, concerned at the look on her face.

“Ben’s sick,” she explains. “Just the flu, we think, but he’s got a temperature and he’s coughing and feeling sick. He’s not been into work today and he’s sending me away for a few days until he feels better so I don’t get sick too.”

Callum scrubs a hand over his eyes. “You’re leaving him alone?” he asks and tries to keep his voice level at the idea of Ben being ill and being left all alone. It’s hard - he likes Lola but can’t believe she would be leaving Ben when he needs her the most.

“You know what he can be like. A bit of a diva, acts like he’s the sickest he’s ever been. Anyway, maybe he’ll get his man over to help? And I was going to see if you’d pop in everyday to see if he’s all right, see if he needs anything. Please, Cal? I can’t miss work so I need to be away, but I don’t like leaving him alone.”

“Fine,” Callum agrees on a huff, but his mind is so stuck on the words that she said about Ben having a man that he almost misses her giving him a hug and kiss on the cheek before lightly running away, just in time to avoid being given more of a talking to about the moral code of leaving your sick best friend to fend for himself.

Left alone, Callum makes his way up the stairs to Ben’s flat. He’s wondering if he should ask Ben why Lola thinks he has a man as he lets himself in using the key Ben keeps in a flowerpot by the side of the door for when he comes home too drunk to remember which pocket his set are in. But that idea goes out the window the minute he walks into the living room and sees Ben.

He’s huddled on the sofa under a duvet, all Callum can see to start with is his mop of unruly brown hair. Ben doesn’t even stir when he walks in, only looks up when Callum gets close and slides a hand into his hair, combing through it gently with his fingers. It feels sweaty and matted, and it shows how much Ben means to him that it doesn’t even make him stop when he touches it. When Ben raises his head slowly, with effort, it’s clear to see why he’s in such a mess. His face is pale, red blotches on his cheeks and sweat forming on his brow. His eyes are ringed red too and he’s struggling to breath. His mouth falls open a little at Callum, “what are you doing here?” he rasps and Callum can’t even believe he’s not completely wiped out in bed with how awful he looks.

“Looking after you,” is all he says in return, keeping that steady tempo of fingers through Ben’s hair, noticing how he presses almost intuitively into the touch, like a cat under Callum’s hand.

“You can’t, you’ll get sick,” Ben protests.

“Ben, we’ve been having sex for months and we were together yesterday. If I’m going to be sick it’s too late. I can’t and I won’t leave you alone, so just shut up and let me look after you,” Callum says and he leans forward and kisses Ben’s forehead once. He hears the hitch of Ben’s breath that lets him know that he’s trying to stop tears from falling and so he keeps himself there, hand in Ben’s hair, face pressed to his forehead, to give Ben that degree of privacy whilst he pulls himself together. He’s hot under Callum’s lips and skin and he knows he must be running a fever, he’s sure it’s just a mild flu, nothing worse, but how could he even think about leaving him alone like this? 

Once he’s sure Ben’s back in control, he stands up and picks him up into his arms despite the mumbled complaints. Ben falls into him, arms winding around his neck as Callum scoops him carefully up and the trust he places in Callum makes his chest ache with feelings. Callum walks him into the bedroom where he lays him down on the bed and covers him with the sheets. “I’m going to sort out your duvet, then I’ll be back, OK?” he whispers as he presses another kiss to Ben’s forehead and then he goes back to the living room. He strips the duvet cover, covered in Ben’s sweat, and puts it in the washing machine and gets a glass of water whilst he’s in the kitchen. He thinks about it, then changes his mind and gets a bottle and fills it so he doesn’t have to leave Ben to keep him hydrated. He checks in all the cupboards and shakes his head at the fact they have no flu medicine, no orange juice, no soup - surely everyone has a can of chicken soup just in case they get sick? He’ll have to run to the shops once Ben is asleep. For now, he leaves it behind and returns to the bedroom.

Ben’s got himself tangled in the sheets already and he’s making little whimpering noises as he tries to sort himself out but he calms down the minute Callum lays a hand on his head. It’s such a sweet thing, that Callum’s presence seems to soothe him more than anything else. Callum gets him to drink some water, a little alarmed at his glassy eyes, and then snuggles in behind him, spooning so close they’re pressed together from head to toes. Ben gives a sigh, fingers resting on Callum’s arms where they’re wrapped around him and he leans his head backwards so it’s resting close to Callum’s. It's not too long before his breathing evens out slightly and Callum can see that he’s sleeping. He doesn’t move, gets Ben into as comfortable a position as he can be and then closes his eyes and rests his head against Ben’s for a while until he’s sure he’s properly asleep.

Ben’s twitching in his sleep and he’s so hot to Callum’s touch but he’s dead to the world and so Callum feels it’s ok to leave him for a short while. On his way back from the shops, he pops into his own flat to grab some clothes and his toothbrush, figuring he may as well call into work sick himself and stay and look after Ben whilst he’s unwell.

He’s only been gone half an hour and when he returns it’s to find the bed empty and Ben collapsed in the toilet, wheezing and with sick around him. “What are you doing?” he whispers as he pushes Ben’s hair back and cleans him up. “You were supposed to be in bed, asleep.”

“I thought you were a dream,” Ben groans, “and I thought I could make it to the loo but I guess I couldn’t…”

Callum gets some medicine and bits of water down him and then takes him back to the bedroom and strokes his hair until he falls back into a restless sleep. He pulls out the book he’s brought upstairs too, sets his phone to charge and settles in to keep watch.

It’s relentless over the next two days, Ben is actually quite ill and Callum can’t leave him, everytime he tries to move away from Ben, his little whimpers and sobs means he can’t go too far. He doesn’t want to leave him anyway, he needs to make sure he’s ok. He keeps giving him flu capsules and lots of water and keeps an eye on his temperature, keeping a cool wet cloth to hand to try to keep it under control. There’s one night when Ben is so hot the sheets around him get soaked through with sweat and Callum has to sit him in the bathroom whilst he changes the bed all through and then runs the cold water in the shower to cool him down. He’s starting to panic a little, he's just starting to think that this must be more than just the flu because nothing he’s been doing seems to be working, and maybe he should ring the national health number for advice. That’s when he notices that Ben’s lying properly in the bed, head pillowed on his hand, face no longer flushed and his breathing is so much easier than it’s been since this all started. He feels Ben’s forehead with a shaky hand and can’t help the sigh that is drawn out of him by the realisation that it’s noticeably cooler. His fever has broken and the worst of it is over and Callum is so relieved he has to hide in the bathroom himself and cry. 

He sleeps properly for the first time that night, curled around a cooler and calmer Ben and feeling happier than he’s felt in the last three days. When he wakes, he stays close, resting his head next to Ben’s neck and just thinks about the future, about what he wants and how important this man in his arms is to him. And then, the next time Ben wakes up, he turns in the bed and faces Callum so they’re eye to eye and Callum can tell that he’s finally aware of what’s going on and who’s in bed with him. “How are you feeling?” he asks, touching his cheek with a gentle fingertip but being acutely aware that he’s so much cooler he’s almost back to normal and his eyes are actually seeing him properly. Ben snuggles into his arms, bringing himself in closer, and Callum breathes it in, breathes in the joy of having him well.

“You’re here,” Ben says in wonder, face lifting so he can look at Callum properly, fingers tracing over the arm Callum still has around him, “I wasn’t sure if any of it was real. But you’re here.”

“Of course I’m here, where else would I be?” Callum asks and he’s surprised by the look that flashes into Ben’s eyes, one that he can’t fully read before it vanishes but he’s sure he sees longing, amazement and awe. 

Ben deflects the emotion as normal, he changes the subject abruptly. “Did you really clean up my sick? I hope that bit was a dream, at least,” is all he asks and Callum laughs and pulls him in closer for a hug.

“It doesn’t matter. I wanted to be here,” he says and he’s only half surprised by the shaky exhale Ben lets out against the skin of his neck where he’s buried his head. “Do you want anything? I have soup and orange juice and lots of water and you need some more medicine too,” he says to try to stop the way his heart is pounding and making him feel warm inside. Because he finally sees what he can do to convince Ben he’s the one, he needs to be there for him, care for him, show that he’s not going anywhere. And for the first time, he’s sure he can do it, sure Ben wants it as much as he does.

Ben pulls back, eyes fixed on Callum. “You got all that for me?” he whispers and he looks close to tears. “You’re amazing, Cal.” He sits up and then looks down at himself, frowning a little. He sniffs at his arm and then recoils. “God, I’m rank,” he says. “Can I have a bath first?”

The only problem is Ben is still too weak after the three days of illness to undress fully and get into the bath by himself and so Callum prepares himself to help. Ben manages to brush his teeth by himself, and it's when he’s run the bath and used some of whatever stuff Lola has in the bathroom and he’s standing half holding Ben up, that he lifts his head and looks Callum straight in the eye. “Come in with me?” he asks and it’s so shy, so unlike how Ben’s been with all of this that Callum agrees straight away.

He undresses Ben and for once he’s not aroused by the sight of the naked gorgeous man in his arms. Well, that’s half a lie, Ben will always arouse him but this is different, this isn’t about sex at all and he pushes down any thought of that kind deep into his stomach. He gets his clothes off too and then manoeuvres both of them into the warm water, his back against the porcelain and Ben cradled in between his legs, back pressed tight to his chest.

Ben tilts his head back onto Callum’s shoulder and lets his hands settle, one on Callum’s thigh and the other on his arm that’s wound around his waist. His eyes are shut and his breathing is even and Callum can’t believe how young and sweet and soft he looks like this. He lets his legs tangle with Ben’s in the bath, feels the deep intake of breath from Ben as it moves them even closer and then just holds him for a while. They’re both in silence, breathing in tandem, and it’s by far the most sensual, lovely, soft thing Callum’s ever experienced. No words are needed, just the noise of muffled cars in the background and the soft huffs of breath and Callum could stay here for the rest of his life. It’s only when the water starts to lose its heat that Callum picks up a sponge and gently washes Ben, from the chest downwards. Ben keeps his head back, eyes shut and lets Callum look after him. Callum pauses once he’s washed him all over, fingers lingering at the base of his ribs. “Do you want me to wash your hair too?” he asks, cashmere soft in the dim light in the bathroom.

He’s not quite sure if Ben is asleep but he gives a low hum in response and so Callum gets his fingers into his hair and washes it too, slowly and gentle. After he’s finished Ben finally opens his eyes and he looks at Callum with something like astonishment in them. “Thank you,” he breathes.

“It’s my absolute pleasure,” Callum says, quietly but firm and Ben gives a small pleading whimper in the back of his throat, turns his head slightly more to the side and kisses him, just once, so soft it’s almost not a kiss, but with so much meaning behind it Callum can feel the hole in his chest finally healing. 

They eventually have to get out of the bath and Callum wraps Ben in a towel and dries him off, helps to get him dressed in loungewear that’s fresh and clean. They sit at the kitchen table, Ben in his lap, and he feeds him chicken soup which Ben looks at and huffs a quiet laugh but allows Callum to look after him, fingers tracing random patterns over his arms like he can’t believe Callum is still here. 

He's so much better but it’s obvious he’s worn out, drained by his illness and so after he’s taken his medicine, Callum takes him back to bed. He’s planning on going back to his own flat, however reluctantly, now Ben’s better, maybe he should leave him alone after all. But Ben reaches out a hand and closes it around his wrist. “Stay?” he pleads and that’s all it takes for Callum to kiss his cheek and slide back into the bed behind him. Ben’s asleep almost immediately, curling into the warmth of Callum's body and Callum can’t help but press his lips against the skin in front of him.

“Always,” he whispers into the nape of his neck, but he’s almost sure Ben’s too far asleep to have heard the promise, even if it is made with utter sincerity and the need for it to be true. Callum’s never wanted anything more, to be in a relationship, through good times and through the bad, and as he lies there, curled around Ben, he thinks for the first time that he may have it here. 


	13. The Bar

Callum’s got a plan. Well, it’s not much of plan, but it’s more than what he thought he had at the beginning of the week. He’s going to tell Ben the truth. And, to be honest, it’s not really a plan plan, he knows that talking is actually something they should have been doing right from the start. If he wants a relationship with Ben, communication has to be the main part of it. Even though he knows it’s his own fault - he was the one who went into this whole thing without telling Ben the truth, without being honest about how he really feels and now it feels like it's a massive mountain, to actually just do something simple and talk to him.

So the plan. It’s nothing flashy, nothing over the top, but tonight, when they’re in the bar on their weekly night out, he’s going to get him alone and he’s going to admit his true feelings. He's been thinking of those days when Ben was ill during the week, the way he’d looked at Callum, the way he’d kissed him and wanted him close and he’s sure he’s got this right. He’s sure Ben wants him too. So he’s going to put his heart out there, on the line, and hope that he’s not got his wires crossed and Ben’s only looking out for him as a best friend. He’s scared, he’s not afraid to admit that to himself when he’s alone, but even if Ben doesn’t feel the same way at least it’s out there. He’s living half a life at the moment, it’s not what he wants and he can’t carry on like this. Better for his heart to be broken and for him to move on than to have to pretend he’s ok with just sex anymore. He’s so not ok with just sex. He wants everything, he wants all in, he wants a relationship, he wants sex with someone he loves, but more than that he wants all the little things, cuddling on the sofa, debating the best baker in Bake Off, cooking dinner together. Arguing about who gets the covers at night, someone to be grumpy with when works hard, someone to make up with. All the little things that he can build a life around. And if that’s with Ben then he will be the happiest person ever. But if Ben doesn’t feel the same way, at least he’ll have a chance to get over him and maybe they can still be friends. He doesn’t want to imagine his life without Ben in it, whether that’s as a boyfriend or not. So yeah, he’s scared, because telling Ben has the potential to go either way - the way he hopes, the way he wants, or the opposite, losing him forever.

He takes his time to get ready, makes sure he’s looking the best he can, the nicest shirt he has that brings out the blueness of his eyes and his skinniest jeans that he knows makes his ass and thighs look good. He texts Ben to check he’s still feeling up to coming out and gets a quick reply saying he’ll be around half an hour late but he’s looking forward to seeing Callum again and he’ll meet them all over there. Callum has to sit and take a breath as he reads the response. He’s feeling a bit sick to his stomach, both with nerves and with anticipation because now it means he has no excuse, he has to do it. He’s so preoccupied that he almost falls down the stairs on his way out of the building on his way to the club.

Jay and Lola have got a booth already when he reaches the bar and as he comes in they wave at him and call him over. He takes off his jacket and sits down. They’ve already gotten a round of drinks in and Jay’s talking about what happened at work that week and Callum can almost forget what he’s planning. 

So everything is fine, they’re having fun, they’re drinking, Callum’s checking his watch over and over again because Ben is late and it’s making him get even more nervous. He just wants to get it all over and done with and now he’s second guessing himself. Maybe he should have gone up to Ben’s flat before coming over? Talking in a busy bar, is it really such a good idea? He’d had some sort of idea that it would be sweet, a callback to the night that Ben stood at the bar with him and made him think about having sex with him. But now, now he’s here and thinking about it, he realises it was not the best idea he’s ever had. He wants to show Ben he’s serious. Maybe having that kind of conversation in this exact place was a bit stupid. 

Ben’s still not arrived and Callum makes his mind up, he’s going to go and find him and they can talk outside the bar, where they can be quiet and close and not have to worry about other people being around. He finishes the last of his pint and is just about ready to grab his coat when Lola stops him. “Another round?” she asks with a bright smile that he’s sure is just a bit too wide.

“I’m good,” he starts but Jay, with the exact same smile as Lola plastered onto his face too, claps him on the shoulder. “Don’t be silly, mate! It’s your round too!” he says, loud and bright and Callum is suddenly cautious. What have they got planned? They’re giving each other surreptitious looks, over his head, like he can’t see them and he knows he’s missed something, that there’s something going on he’s not aware of.

Despite his protests, they won’t take no for an answer and so Lola grabs his arm and literally drags him to the bar to get the next round and when she’s there she calls over a tall, good looking man with a big, innocent smile on her face and Callum’s heart sinks into his boots as he realises exactly what the two of them have planned. “Callum, this is Oscar. I work with him, I thought you’d like to get to know him,” she says sweetly.

He automatically smiles at the man and then pushes Lola to one side. “What are you doing?” he demands.

“Well, you’re the only single one out of us now Ben has a man.”

“What do you mean?” he asks, almost breathless.

“Come on Cal, even you must have noticed how happy he’s been. He’s obviously got someone he cares about a lot. And we all do things together right, so I don’t want you to feel left out. And so I thought I’d set you up with Oscar.”

“Lo,” Callum starts, and he reaches out like he wants to grab her arm or run away or anything to get himself out of this awful mess.

“Callum,” Lola says, flatly. “He’s lovely, just chat to him. It’s not a relationship, just give him a chance.”

“I don’t want to,” Callum says and he’s so close to telling her the truth when she scowls at him and stops him mid flow.

“He’s only here because I asked him to come. I don’t know what on earth you’re waiting for, you turn down every single man, no matter how perfect they are. For god's sake, just talk to him,” she orders and then she turns to go back to Jay, and Callum is left with a man he doesn’t know and doesn’t want to get to know. But his politeness and the way he is means he can’t just walk away and leave the poor man alone, so he resigns himself to being friendly to Oscar until he’s spent the bare minimum time that’s polite enough to tell him he’s not interested and make a swift getaway.

The thing is, Oscar is nice, he’s got a good job, a nice family, and he’d be perfect boyfriend material. Except for one fact. He’s not Ben. And Callum doesn’t want nice, doesn’t want secure, doesn’t want boring, he wants Ben. And whilst he’s talking all Callum can think about is Ben, his eyes, his face, his body, how he makes him feel, and he knows can’t lie to this man anymore. It’s not fair and it’s not fair to Ben that no one else knows how he’s feeling. “Oscar,” he says, in a gap in the conversation and he knows that he can tell it’s the brush off already. “I’m really sorry, Lola did this without asking me, but I’m sort of seeing someone already. She doesn’t know but I really like him and it’s unfair of me to pretend to you.”

Oscar looks disappointed but he gives Callum a small smile. “He’s a lucky guy,” he says sincerely and lays a hand on Callum’s arm. “If things don’t work out, get my number from Lola, Ok?”

Callum nods and smiles and then Oscar gets his jacket and makes a move. It’s only when he turns around to go that Callum sees who’s standing in the door to the bar, a scowl on his face and hands deep in his pockets. It’s Ben.

Ben’s not looked over at Callum once since he entered the room and now he's in a corner at the far side of the bar and Callum cannot look away. After Oscar leaves, Callum goes back to the booth Jay and Lola are sitting in and he’s positioned himself where he can see what’s going on, but he almost wishes he can't see it. Or that he was brave enough to go over there and grab Ben’s arm and tell him the truth. But Ben’s not looking over and he’s making it clear he doesn’t want Callum to go to him either. He’s talking to some boy, Callum can’t make out any details but he’s leaning in close and laughing. Callum’s almost sure he’s got an arm around him and the boy is tilting his head up and they’re so close he knows what’s going on. He’s seen these moves enough times before they started having sex, the way Ben would flirt and pull and then go off with random men. But it’s different now, now that he’s slept with Ben and has fallen even harder in love with him, and Callum’s heart is breaking, shattering into tiny pieces that he can feel burying themselves deep within his chest. 

He can’t do this, can’t watch any longer and he excuses himself, not that Lola or Jay are taking much notice to be honest, Lola was annoyed that he’d just let Oscar go instead of doing anything with him, and so he manages to escape to the toilets where the silence and solitude is a blessing. He leans against the cool porcelain sink and splashes some water on his face and looks at himself in the mirror. He needs to talk to Ben. He needs to tell him that he was talking to Oscar about him, telling him about how much he liked Ben and that he couldn’t even imagine just talking to another man because surely what they’ve had hasn’t just gone like that? Or was Ben just humouring him all along and once a better offer came up, he was always going to up and leave? Callum can’t figure out what’s going on, but he knows he’s messing things up, he’s blurred the lines, and it’s his fault and his fault only. Now he has to try to put things right, even if at the moment in time he has no real idea of how to do that.

He’s just talking to himself in the mirror, calming himself down, ready to go and find Ben, when the door pushes open and Ben himself comes in. His face is set in a scowl again and his eyes no longer have the warmth in them that Callum’s used to seeing when he looks at him. Callum hates it. “Ben,” he starts, but he’s cut off.

“Having fun?” Ben says and his voice is hard, just like his eyes. “I saw you with him, you know, just in case you thought you’d gotten away with it. Sorting out a little something for later?”

Callum knows the colour’s left his face, can feel his stomach tightening into knots and his knees turning to jelly. “It wasn’t…” he tries to explain but Ben refuses to listen.

“I just wanted to say that I’m calling in the conditions on our arrangement, mate. I’ve had a better offer than you, I’m a little fed up with trying to show you how to do things to be honest, it’s too much hassle. You’re too much hassle. Now, if you excuse me, I have someone waiting for me.” And he turns on his heel and walks out of the toilets.

Callum’s left alone, gasping for breath as he tries to process what he’s just been told. He must have been wrong, there was no way Ben felt the same way as he did, or he would have listened, let Callum explain. His heart is bruised, his chest is caving in and he can barely breathe. 

It’s a while before he can get himself together to go back outside and when he does it’s easy to spot Ben, in the arms of another man. He can’t see what they’re doing but he can guess alright and that makes him hurt even more than what Ben said to him. He can’t stand around and watch. He wants to just leave but he needs his jacket, it has his keys and phone in and it’s by Jay and Lola so he sucks it up and marches over there.

He grabs his jacket and says nothing, not even when Lola grabs at his arm and says, “fancy another drink, Cal?” He can only guess what he must look like, what’s written over his face because her eyes change and her touch grows lighter. “What’s happened?” she asks but he can’t speak. He just shakes his head and walks away, out of the club, trying not to let his eyes linger on the corner where he knows Ben is.


	14. The Talk

Callum doesn't sleep that night. He’s thought and thought whilst lying alone in his bed and trying to stop himself from falling to pieces. He knows Ben has the tendency to go a little bit crazy to protect himself, protect his heart and the more he thinks about it the more he knows the truth. He deserved what Ben said to him, he should have been more honest and up front about everything. He should have told Ben that he loves him, that he wants no one else but him, but now he’s lost his chance. He’s realised that he’s got no one to blame but himself, he suggested that stupid plan, and he’s the one that’s fucked this up so much and now he’s lost Ben’s friendship as well. 

He doesn’t know what to say or do except he knows he can’t see Ben picking up guys again and that means he can’t stomach seeing Lola or Jay either and having to try to explain things to them, and he also knows he needs time to get his head together. He’s got a lot of annual leave he’s built up at work so he calls in and gets two weeks off and then he texts his brother and asks if he can stay for a while. He’s halfway through packing his backpack when his phone goes off. It’s not Ben so he ignores it, ignores the flurry of messages that come through and focuses on what he needs to take with him. It’s only when someone starts banging on his door and doesn’t stop that he realises he’ll have to talk to them.

He drops his backpack on the sofa and now he can hear Lola shouting through the door too. “I know you’re in there Callum, open the damn door!”

He flings it open and Lola almost falls on top of him. She sweeps into the living room as he shuts the door behind her and then turns to face him, eyes lingering on his backpack and his face. “Sit down,” she orders. “I’ll get us some tea and then we are going to talk.”

He’s a little scared of her so he obeys, waiting whilst she potters around in his kitchen and then brings in two mugs of tea and sits opposite him. She gives him a look. “Why on earth didn’t you say it was you Ben was seeing?” she asks and she has this exasperated look on her face that makes Callum want to hide.

“That’s not true,” he says and she scoffs at him.

“Like hell it’s not. You’re here, sad and upset and planning on leaving, apparently, and Ben’s been like a bear with a sore head all weekend, holed in his bedroom, refusing to come out, refusing to listen to me or Jay but I can hear how sad he is too. If I had known, I wouldn’t have invited Oscar out and definitely not tried to set you up with him.”

“It’s not what you think,” Callum starts.

“So tell me what it is then,” she snaps and Callum hangs his head, really not wanting to have this conversation.

“I asked him to sleep with me to help me get experience with men,” he mumbles and when he looks up Lola is frowning, proper frowning at him.

“Why the fuck would you do that?” she demands and Callum wants to cry, he’s so ashamed and sad and messed up.

“Because I love him, alright? I’ve been in love with him for years and he’d never be interested in me so I did what I thought was for the best. I wanted him to realise he only wanted me too. But I’ve messed it up all, I’ve ruined it all,” and he drops his head into his hands and bites back the tears.

He hears Lola stand up and then feels her hands on his back. “Oh, Callum,” she whispers and her voice is kinder and gentler and she pulls him into her arms and lets him clutch onto her. 

It’s a while before he is able to lean back and look at her and she has this soft expression on her face as she thumbs away the last of his tears. “You’re an idiot,” she says but her voice has no bite anymore, just quiet understanding. “He’s been so happy these last few months, happier than I’ve ever seen him. You’ve made him happy. He loves you too and he’s hurting so much right now because he doesn’t think you feel the same way. He thinks you found someone else, he saw you with Oscar, right? You know what he gets like when he feels like he has to protect himself from getting hurt. He doesn’t know how you feel. Why didn’t you just tell him at the start?”

“I couldn’t,” Callum admits. “He’s always been the one I couldn’t have and I just wanted something I could build on, something I could use as a stepping stone to make him realise I wanted him and it seemed like a good idea until it wasn’t anymore. I’ve lost him, Lo, both as a friend and as anything more.”

“You haven’t lost him,” she says, confidently. “Talk to him. Tell him the truth. Whatever he said to you on Saturday was a lie, he’s been devastated ever since. Tell him you love him.”

“He went home with that guy,” Callum says slowly.

“No, he’s been alone ever since he came home. No one with him, no one at all.” She looks closer at Callum and sighs a little, pulling out her phone and flicking through it. “Look, Jay and I had no idea what had happened. You just up and left and then Ben came back and started drinking and wouldn’t say what had gone on and when we got home he locked himself in his room and refused to talk to us. So we looked back over things and tried to sort out what we’d missed. We found this photo. Look at it and tell me what you see.”

She holds out her phone and on it is a picture of them at the last pub quiz. It’s a selfie she took and her and Jay have their arms around each other smiling at the camera. Callum’s also grinning and looking at the camera but Ben’s not. His gaze is on Callum, caught unawares, and the look he’s giving him is something Callum’s never seen on anyone’s face before when they’re looking at him. He’s looking up at Callum with heart eyes, like he hung the moon in the sky, like he’s the only person that matters to him. Like he’s in love.

Callum sucks in a breath and Lola smiles gently. “If that’s not the look of someone who's in love with you then I don’t know what is. Talk to him, Cal. Jay and I are going to his flat, we’ll be out all night. Just let yourself in and tell him the truth about everything.”

He makes his way upstairs slowly, unsure of what he’s doing, what he’s going to say, what his welcome will be like. When he lets himself into the flat, he hears Ben’s voice, calling from the vicinity of the living room. “What have you forgotten this time, Lola?” he shouts and he sounds sad, low, like he’s unhappy. Callum walks into the room and sees Ben, slumped on the sofa, face drawn and pale, eyes bruised and he can’t say anything past the lump in his throat. Ben sits upright, looking at him with one of those indecipherable looks on his face. “Callum,” he says and his voice is rough, not warm in the slightest. “Lo let you in, I take it. Bloody interfering cow. What do you want?”

Callum grabs his courage with both hands, it’s currently sitting somewhere around his knees and he wants nothing more than to wipe that look out of Ben’s eyes. He moves into the lounge and sits down on a chair opposite Ben, hands twitching because there’s nothing more than he wants than to be holding him, running his hands through that mop of untidy, soft hair but he’s not allowed because he fucked up. “I’m sorry,” he starts off saying but Ben interrupts him. He’s got his hands on his knees and he can’t look at Callum at all.

“Nothing to be sorry about, mate. We had an arrangement, if you want to go off with that pretty boy you’re free to do so.”

Callum presses the bridge of his nose. “I don’t want to go off with him, Ben, I had already turned him down when you told me you had found another bloke you wanted to get off with,” is not quite what he intended to say but he’s so wound up that it comes out sounding more pissed off than he wanted.

“Yeah, well, it doesn’t matter, does it? You’ll find someone soon and leave me anyway, so what’s the point? May as well get it over and done with now,” Ben scowls but he sounds so vulnerable, so unhappy that Callum’s heart breaks a little bit more because he's the one who made Ben feel like this. And he finally gets it. It’s not Oscar himself that made Ben unhappy. He doesn’t want his heart broken when Callum leaves him, because that’s what he’s done, made him think this is temporary, that Callum wants to leave him.

He takes a deep breath, it’s now or never. “I wanted to say I’m sorry because I lied to you when I asked you to just have sex with me to get me experience so I could find a man. I never wanted anyone other than you and I thought you wouldn’t even look at me so it was the only way I could get to have you.”

Ben sits still, head dropped and says nothing and Callum can feel his heart in his chest. It’s so awkward and Ben’s still not saying anything and Callum can’t stop the ache, it’s too late, he’s hurt Ben too much and he stands up. At that movement, Ben’s head shoots up. “What?” he asks and he’s got this stunned look on his face. He swallows and says it again. “What did you say?”

“I love you,” Callum admits, now it’s all out there and he’s lost Ben anyway, what’s the point in not being fully truthful? “I’ve been in love with you for ages but I couldn’t have you and so I came up with this stupid idea and now it’s all gone wrong and I don’t even have your friendship and….”

But Ben’s sliding out a hand, cautiously, grabbing Callum’s arm and his eyes are starting to light up. “You love me?” he repeats and when Callum nods he sucks in a deep breath. “You idiot, you could have had me, I don’t know why on earth you thought you couldn’t. I love you. I’ve been in love with you since the first day we met.”

There’s a silence as they stare at each other and Callum can hear nothing past the sudden hopeful beating of his heart, can feel nothing past the almost branding heat of Ben’s hand on his arm and even breathing feels like it’s a chore. He’s stunned. And there’s suddenly a flutter of hope in his chest, taking flight.

“Could have had?” he ventures, heart in his mouth, almost in disbelief at what Ben’s just said.

“Could still have….,” Ben hesitates. “I never even kissed him, that boy, I couldn’t, not when he wasn’t you and my heart was breaking. I only said that awful stuff to you because I wanted to protect myself, I didn’t mean any of it. I’m sorry.” He pauses, his hand still on Callum’s arm and they’re both frozen, looking at each other. “I’m yours, if you want it…”

“Ben,” Callum groans and then he reaches out his other hand, pulls Ben into his arms, lowers his head and kisses him like he’s wanted to ever since this whole thing started, no holding back, no gaping hole in his chest, no bleeding heart. Ben kisses back the same way, clutching onto first Callum’s head then his shoulders, letting out little moans that Callum drinks up. The kisses start off gentle, slow sweeps of lips and brushes of tongue and then Ben nips at his lips until he opens them and he flicks his tongue into Callum’s mouth and that’s it. They’re drowning in each other, licking into each other’s mouths, clutching at each other like they're the only thing keeping themselves upright and to be fair, Callum thinks that may be true because he can barely feel his legs. He moans and that causes Ben to moan and they’re bouncing off each other, building the heat and the passion between them with each suck of tongue, each press of lips, each stroke of hands.

Callum does eventually pull back, head swimming and lips swollen and tries to regain his breathing and his equilibrium, pushing his forehead against Ben’s, and looks into his beautiful blue eyes. “Boyfriends?” he whispers, wants to be clear on this before things get further carried away.

“Boyfriends,” Ben whispers back, an almost shy smile on his face and he presses upwards to kiss Callum once more. “God, do you know how much I love kissing you? I mean, having sex with you was incredible, you’re so sexy and you don’t even know it, but kissing you? I’m so addicted,” and he punctuates his statement with another set of kisses that has Callum reeling.

“Me too,” he manages to say in between their lips. “Kissing you, cuddling you, I love the sex but it’s all the other stuff I want too. Waking up next to you, sharing your life, all of it, Ben.”

Ben stares at him for a second, eyes both softening and darkening as he does. “Well, now we have that sorted,” he says and he’s trying to aim for sassy but Callum can sense the nervousness in the tone of his voice. “I really want you to fuck me. Been dreaming about it for weeks. If you want to, that is.”

Callum’s head almost explodes and he has to hug Ben even tighter at the confession. Ben, who doesn’t bottom for any of his one night stands, wants to be fucked by him, it’s the ultimate confession of trust, of love, of a future together. “Yeah,” he manages to get out, he’s so overcome. “Yeah. I want that.”

Ben smiles at him and he sees that look that’s perplexed him all this time and suddenly he sees what it is, clear in Ben’s eyes, adoration, amazement and love. He slides his fingers under Ben’s chin and tilts his head so he can look deeply into his eyes and he’s aware his mouth has dropped open and he can’t begin to imagine what his eyes and face must look like. But Ben’s touching his cheek, tenderly, as they gaze at each other and he’s looking like Callum feels he himself must look like and he suddenly gets that Ben’s having the same revelation too. “You love me,” he whispers and he sounds a little shell shocked, like he can’t truly believe it.

“You love me,” Callum whispers back and he’s never felt so sure of anything in his life. He’s been suffering, thinking Ben didn’t want him, but if he’d actually looked, he could have been having this all along. Now he knows, it’s clearly written all over Ben’s face and in his eyes and the way he touches Callum. 

The kiss that comes next is sweet and shaky, catching lips between each other’s, but it’s by far the most meaningful kiss they’ve ever shared. This speaks of a future together, a life together, love, and it makes Callum’s knees go weaker than any other kiss he’s ever had. When they break apart, it’s only millimetres, they can’t bear to be apart from each other and Callum just breathes the air between them like it’s the only thing he needs to sustain himself. He feels so happy he could burst.

Ben’s still stroking his cheek and his face is soft and warm as they stand in silence for a moment. Ben breaks it the way that Callum’s half expecting, he knows him so well. His face breaks into a grin, blinding in its brightness and sincerity, but gentle in its exclusivity, it’s only for Callum to see, no one else. He slides his hand around so he’s cupping Callum’s cheek, fingers now stroking the soft hair behind his ears. “Take me to bed,” he says with a short kiss to Callum’s lips and he needs no other excuse, taking Ben by the hand and the two of them wandering through to Ben’s bedroom.

They’re shooting glances at each other as they walk and Callum’s almost shy. After everything they’ve done, this is the big thing, now he knows Ben’s on the same page as him, that he gets to have this every day, he feels more anxious about messing it up, it’s so ironic. Ben seems to understand, the minute the door is closed behind them he pulls Callum into a series of kisses that start soft and gentle and deepen in intensity until Callum’s breathing is uneven and his heart is pounding. While they’re kissing, he’s been backing Callum up until his knees hit the side of the bed and he sits down suddenly on the edge. Ben follows, knees straddling Callum’s thighs so he’s got a lap full and there’s no hiding how hard he is in his trousers. Ben simply shifts around, tilts his head just so and carries on kissing Callum like it’s the only thing he needs, one hand cupping his chin to get his at just the right angle and Callum can’t help the sigh of pleasure he gives at the feeling.

Callum’s the one to finally break the kiss, but Ben dips straight back, dragging hot kisses down his jaw, down his neck and sucking at the base of his throat. Callum leans back to give him better access and at the same time allows his fingers to dip into the waistband of Ben’s joggers, stroking Ben’s cock lightly through his boxers. Ben gives a jolt at the feeling. “You want these off?” he pulls back to ask, cockiness shining through the expression of love that’s still on his face, sounding so hopeful Callum can’t help but laugh.

“Off,” he agrees. “Every little thing, off.”

“You too,” Ben grins and starts off by getting his fingers under Callum’s T-shirt and pulling it off as quickly as he can.

It’s a plan to get naked then and this time Callum takes his time, letting his eyes linger over every single plane of Ben’s body as it’s revealed because he knows now he can have this. Ben sits back on his lap once he’s got everything off, leans back a little once he sees how Callum is looking at him and lets him drink his fill. “You’ve never looked at me like that before,” he breathes.

Callum cups his cheek gently. “I’ve wanted to,” he admits. “But I couldn’t let myself if I had to let you go.”

Ben makes a choked off sound, grabs him tightly and kisses him so deeply Callum’s head is spinning. He manages to coordinate his hands enough to slide down to Ben’s hips and pull him as close as he can and that makes their cocks slide together and Ben’s so hard against him it almost derails him. But Ben’s asked him to fuck him and he’s not going to let that chance slip away so he manages to manoeuvre them mid kiss so that he can put a hand against Ben’s chest, letting his fingers rub over one of Ben’s nipples in the process, and gently push him back so he’s lying down on the bed. Ben follows his ministrations and lets his legs fall open so Callum can follow him down, in between his thighs, pressed close, still lingering in the kiss.

When they part, it’s just far apart for their noses to stay touching. Callum’s breathing unsteadily again and Ben slides his nose over Callum’s face so he can rest it in the crook of his neck, licking and sucking at the pulse point that’s there and Callum can’t help the keen that brings out of him, the knowledge that he’s going to have marks on his neck from his boyfriend almost tipping him over the edge straight away. Ben moves along his collarbones, nipping and sucking and kissing as he goes until he reaches the centre of Callum’s chest. There, he slides down suddenly and presses a kiss to Callum’s heart and that gets Callum right in the stomach. He grabs hold of Ben’s head and gently pulls him back up so he can properly kiss him. “I love you so much,” he tells him, wants him to know how much this means to him and Ben smiles softly and gently.

“I love you so much,” he returns and allows Callum to drop his head and claim his lips in a bruising kiss.

They’re completely skin on skin, rough and heated and Callum lets his hands wander, stroking random patterns down Ben’s sides and listening for his intakes of breath and gasps, any hitches of breathing to remember to go back to later. He lets his hands stroke over Ben’s chest and then allows his mouth to follow the same pattern, touching and sucking heated skin wetly. He knows how this feels, the way it leaves goosebumps as Ben trails fingers then lips over his own body and he wants to worship Ben, to do the same to him to make sure he’s relaxed and ready for what must be one of the most significant things he’s asked anyone to do for years. He lets his fingers and mouth trail all over Ben’s arms, shoulders, collarbones, chest, nipples, stomach until he’s writhing underneath him and almost sobbing out Callum’s name. He moves lower, in between Ben’s spread legs and lets his lips touch the softness of the skin on his inner thighs, behind his knees and enjoys the way that Ben arches his back below him, loud keens filling the air as he enjoys himself and lets himself relax fully into Callum’s touch. He trusts him, Callum knows this, he’s told him enough times, but this is a physical representation of this trust and seeing Ben so lost in pleasure makes him even harder.

He waits, face pressed against Ben’s thighs until he almost whines at him. “Callum, you tease,” he huffs. “Want you.”

“Want what?” Callum asks, needing to hear it again.

“Want everything,” Ben says, “but mainly you inside me now.”

Callum lets his mouth curve into a smile and nips at the sensitive skin on Ben’s thighs. “Can’t do that right now, you're not exactly ready yet,” he breathes and he raises his head and sees Ben, spread out just for him, face flushed red, eyes fixed greedily on Callum between his legs. “Lube?”

Ben groans, deep from his chest and fumbles for their bottle of lube. When he throws it at Callum he lets his legs fall even further apart and gets a hand into Callum’s hair. “You’re so gorgeous,” he says, “I can’t believe you’re here. That you’re mine.”

“Me neither,” Callum smiles and bites his lip. “You’re beautiful, Ben, so beautiful.”

He wants to make this feel so good for Ben, like how he’s been made to feel over these last few months so he thinks back to what Ben’s done to him that felt good. He warms the lube up and coats his fingers and he can’t help the tremble in them as he reaches between Ben’s legs slowly. He wants to see what he’s doing so he shuffles down so he can watch as he lets them circle the rim of Ben’s hole. Ben gasps above him, hand tightening on reflex in his hair and Callum rests his other hand on his thigh, stroking up to his stomach and he’s not sure who it’s to help more at this stage. Touching another man, touching Ben, in this most secretive of spots makes him feel dizzy. Ben hisses with pleasure but he’s waiting so patiently for him to explore and he can’t bear to make him wait too long and so he finally lets one finger slip inside. 

Callum has to pause as he does it, the feeling of heat and tightness and being surrounded by Ben a little overwhelming. He gasps, a sharp intake of breath that has Ben stroking his fingers through his hair and over his cheek, gazing down at him so sweetly. “Baby,” he murmurs. “Callum…”

Callum gulps once and leans in to press a kiss to Ben’s inner thigh before sliding his finger in fully, dragging so slowly so he feels everything as it moves inside. Ben moans, fingers tightening in his hair and Callum has the briefest feeling that he’s teasing Ben as he drags so so slowly. But he can’t help it, wants to take his time to just feel every inch of Ben and what he's doing. He starts to move his finger in and out, letting it drag over every ridge and bump inside and watches as it gets taken into Ben’s body. It makes him feel a little lightheaded so he raises his eyes and looks at Ben’s face and that’s almost as bad. Ben’s eyes are half lidded as he gazes downwards, bottom lip caught in between his teeth and he’s flushed red to his chest. He looks sinfully sexy and Callum can’t help the noise he makes when Ben realises he’s being watched and rocks his hips into Callum’s finger. “More?” he breathes and it’s like he can barely form words and Callum’s doing this to him.

“Yeah,” Callum whispers and lubes up his next finger before pressing it in slowly to join the first. It’s so tight and hot around them, he doesn’t know how he’ll cope when it’s his cock inside Ben. Ben hums a little, hips still rocking down slowly at the same tempo as Callum is thrusting his fingers. “Ben…,” he tries to say. “Ben, feel so good….”

“You do too, babe,” Ben says around a moan and then he leans his head back as Callum starts to move with more purpose, stretching him open the way he’d felt Ben do to him. He knows where the prostate is, he’s read enough before and during their arrangement and so he changes the angle he’s pressing his fingers in, watching carefully until he sees the way Ben reacts, body arching, mouth falling open and the loudest, sexiest noise he’s ever heard him make forced out of him. “Baby... there….” is all he can say amongst the cries of Callum’s name and Callum smiles against his thigh and lets the pads of his fingers massage that spot over and over again until Ben is almost sobbing with pleasure.

“Want you…” he says and he lets his hand stroke over Callum’s sweat streaked shoulders.

“Three fingers?” Callum asks and Ben groans in disappointment.

“Better be quick,” he says and Callum grins and gets the third finger scissoring as quickly as he can.

It doesn’t take much time, Ben’s riding his fingers before too long and Callum’s not sure how he’s going to last at the sight and feel of it, before Ben manages to get out, “I’m ready. Callum, come on, please,” and the idea that he’s desperate for it makes Callum’s heart fill with even more love at the trust he’s showing. He removes his fingers, both of them hissing at the loss, and surges upwards to kiss Ben thoroughly. 

“I love you,” he says into Ben’s mouth and is rewarded by a smile against his lips.

“I love you too,” Ben says, “but I’ll hate you if you don’t get your cock inside me right now. No condom?”

He’s not sure if it’s a question or a request but he nods anyway. “No condom,” he agrees and then he arranges Ben how he wants him, leg hitched up around his waist and lines his cock up. They’re looking into each other’s eyes when Callum finally pushes in and so Ben must see the look he gets on his face at the feeling of being inside him. He’s not sure he’s even breathing as he slides in deep until his hips reach Ben’s skin, but Ben’s stroking his face, keeping him close and using his leg to pull their bodies flush. He can’t speak, can’t breathe, he’s only gasping as he’s fully sheathed, Ben feels so good around his cock and Ben leans up and bites his lip in lieu of a proper kiss. “God, you feel so good inside me,” he whispers, soothing the bite with his tongue. “Fuck me, please, Callum, fuck me.”

Callum kisses him back, words still overrated and beyond him and then starts to move. He’s not stupid, it’s his first time and he knows it’s not great, he’s too overwhelmed and he feels so much, both by being inside Ben and by being with Ben that he doesn’t know how long he’s going to last. But he gets his knees underneath him and thrusts evenly and deeply into Ben’s body and to him, it’s perfect. Ben’s clinging to him, making the most amazing noises as Callum fucks into him and he thinks this is as good as it’s ever going to get. Until he changes his angle slightly and Ben hitches his other leg up and hooks his ankles together at the small of his back and Callum knows he’s found his prostate by the way he reacts. He’s loud, so loud, mouth making a pretty O shape and eyes scrunched up tight, body writhing and rocking into Callum’s with each and every thrust. It sends Callum right to the edge, quickly and he knows it’s not going to be long, his rhythm starting to falter. He wants Ben to come first so he slides a hand down between them and sets a counter rhythm on Ben’s cock. Ben wails, once, opens his eyes and Callum can’t help but lower his head, bite a little on his neck and suck the skin into his mouth. “I love you,” he says again and Ben gives a shudder and a loud cry that’s almost a sob of Callum’s name and starts to come as Callum strokes him through it.

The sight of him is almost too much, but it’s the way he clenches down on Callum’s cock as his orgasm hits that sends Callum falling, spilling whilst he’s held tight by Ben’s legs inside his body. He has enough in him to pull out, but can’t move far after that, getting Ben into his arms as they pant and come down from their orgasms, slow kisses and brushes of tongues, uncaring of the mess they’ve made. 

“God, Ben,” he manages to say a while later. “That was amazing.”

Ben grins smugly. “Of course it was,” he says, but his eyes are soft and tender and he kisses Callum with so much feeling and lets his hands linger on his face. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” Callum says back and he’s so happy he feels like he could burst.

“Did you like it?” Ben asks and Callum can sense the shyness underneath his smugness. “I mean, I know you like bottoming, but how was it?”

Callum laughs a little. “Ben, I loved it. I love it when you’re inside me and I guess I love being inside you too.”

“Well, we’ve got the rest of our lives to practise,” Ben grins back at him, soft and sleepy and Callum can’t help the return smile as he bends to kiss him again and again.

“The rest of our lives, hey?” he whispers. “I like the sound of that.”

  
  
********

2 years later...

Callum loves his job but it’s days like this that he wishes being a police officer meant less stress. He’s so tired when he gets home that he can barely walk up the flight of stairs to his flat.

He lets himself in and flings himself down on the sofa with a groan, now all he has to worry about is food and then try to sleep before doing it all again tomorrow.

A sound from the kitchen makes him look up and Ben is standing in the doorway, hip cocked and tea towel flung over his shoulder. He stares warmly at Callum for a minute before coming in and pulling Callum into his arms. “Tough day at work, love?” he asks into the soft skin of Callum’s neck.

“Mmm,” is all Callum says in return.

“I cooked dinner,” Ben says, pulling back and giving Callum a light kiss.

“You didn’t have to do that,” Callum whispers and his heart is already lighter, his boyfriend always being able to do that no matter how rough his day has been.

“I wanted to. I missed you. The house isn’t the same when you’re not here,” Ben says in between kisses and Callum does laugh, sliding his hands around the back of Ben’s head and keeping him close.

“You’re soft,” he says, fondly. “Good job I love you.”

“I love you too,” Ben says and he tilts his head a little, knowing Callum so well by now that he knows he needs a distraction from what he had to do at work today. “Dinner can wait, do you want the box?”

Callum thinks for a while, they’ve kept adding to the box since the start of their relationship and now they live together it has pride of place in their bedroom. But it’s not the sex toys that Callum needs now. “No,” he says, “you. Just you. Only you.”

“You have me, in any way you want,” Ben promises and with a grin and a kiss, he pulls Callum towards the bedroom.


	15. Suction Cup Dildo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pure filth.... 😊  
> Set in the future, when the boys have been together for about a year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is now in epilogue mode... which basically means I had lots of ideas when I wrote it that I didn’t include and now I’ve come back to it and am writing some of them up.  
> There’s no time frame for updates, sorry, just when I get time to write! But I have at least another 3 chapters I want to add at some point. They are all stand alone extras though so should be ok with gaps in between.

Ben both loves and hates his job. He loves that it’s something he can get his teeth into, charming people to buy cars, making deals that generate profit, outsmarting their rivals. But he hates that part of what they now do means he has to travel all around the country, because now he and Callum are firmly together, it means he misses him so much.

He can’t imagine a time when Callum wasn’t there, but what’s been happening between them since they finally admitted they were in love has been nothing short of amazing. Ben’s the happiest he thinks he’s ever been, practically living with his best friend who he adores, having lots of great sex, witnessing firsthand the way Callum has just come out of his shell and become this confident, sexy, sure man who isn’t afraid to show Ben just how much he cares about him. They’re looking for houses, finally ready to take that next step, and Ben is starting to look forward to his future, a future that includes Callum in every single facet of it.

Of course, the times when he’s away for work are now more difficult, because he’s gotten so used to having Callum there, to kiss and hold and cuddle and explore with. They always talk, on video or phone calls, or text constantly, but it’s just not the same as having him physically there. And Callum misses him too, it’s clear by the way he lingers every time they speak on the phone, doesn’t want to say goodbye, his gaze electric as he stares at Ben.

He’s on his way home now, after a week spent in Scotland sourcing some good deals on cars that he knows they will be able to sell and sell well. He got the train there, to save driving alone and now he’s only got the hour journey on the tube to get home and he can’t wait to see Callum again. He’s tired, maybe they can just cuddle on the sofa or in bed, then sleep in each other’s arms. And then tomorrow, when he’s more awake, he can use the extra special presents he looked for when he was in Edinburgh. He sends a message to Callum before he gets on the tube, so he’s aware he’s safe and in London at least and then he sits down and just imagines the way he’s going to feel seeing Callum again and how well he’s going to sleep in his arms tonight.

But every single plan goes out the window when he enters his flat. He’s expecting Callum to be waiting in the kitchen or on the sofa, but he’s not there. “Babe?” he calls out, wandering through the living room. “I’m home.”

“In here,” Callum’s voice sounds a bit breathy and Ben wonders why for the few seconds it takes for him to cross to the doorway of his bedroom.

There, he drops his backpack to the floor, a strangled moan coming out of his throat, from his toes by the feel of it and he has to grip the doorway hard to stop his knees from buckling at the beautiful sight in front of him. 

Callum’s naked, straddling one of the kitchen chairs, facing the wardrobe mirrored door. Ben can see his face in it, his eyes half lidded but as Ben gazes, he looks upwards and makes sure their eyes lock, hot and firm in the mirror. He’s biting his lips, head tilting back and when he knows Ben’s watching, he raises his body slowly upwards. There’s a dildo, suctioned cupped to the chair, and Callum lifts himself up, until Ben can see the tip of it and then sinks back down, slowly and tortuously, until he’s bottomed out and he moans, circling his hips, his eyes falling closed in the mirror as he trembles. Ben whimpers at the sight, at the way Callum opens his eyes again and repeats the action so slow, so Ben can see everything and can imagine just how the thick dildo feels as it slides home, deep into Callum’s body. 

Callum keeps moving, slowly up and down, whimpering as the dildo slides into and out of his body, keeping his eyes fixed firmly on Ben as he finally gives into the temptation and crosses the room, sitting behind Callum on the edge of their bed. This close, he can see the sweat beading on Callum’s spine, the gleam of lube around his hole, the way his thighs are quivering and his body is trembling with the effort he’s making, hear the noise the dildo makes as Callum fucks himself on it, the noises falling out of his lips, see the way his eyelashes are fluttering as he watches Ben’s face in the mirror. Ben’s cock is hard as he sits, adjusting himself in his jeans. “This is a nice surprise,” he says, proud of the way his voice doesn’t waver, although it’s lower and more hoarse than normal.

“Opened myself up when you said you were on the train home,” Callum says, biting back another moan as he sits fully onto the dildo. “Thought about you the whole time. Your fingers, your mouth, missed you so much.”

Ben groans at that and can’t help himself, opening his jeans to give himself some relief from the tightness. His cock is so hard it’s aching, but it’s nothing like Callum’s beautiful dick, curving upwards, red, and so appealing Ben feels like he needs to sit on his hands not to just touch. Callum’s face lights up as he watches Ben touch himself in the mirror and it still amazes him, how much Callum likes watching him fall apart when they have sex. “Got on when you text me when you got into London,” he adds, letting his head fall back as a truly delicious noise is ripped from him.

Ben palms his cock, breathing deeply because that means Callum’s been doing this for at least an hour, edging himself and waiting for Ben and that is enough to want to make him come without doing anything. How did he get so lucky, to have his best friend as his lover, someone that is as sexy and beautiful and dirty as Callum? He is so in love it hurts sometimes.

He does now sit on his hands to stop himself reaching out and just touching Callum and takes a deep breath. “Couldn’t wait for me, baby?” he asks and Callum nods, eyes burning with heat as he stops moving, the dildo buried deep inside his body, circling his hips slowly and his breath hitching and Ben just knows how that feels and he’s not sure how much more he can take. He cracks and needs to be touching his boyfriend, right now. So he pulls the chair in the bedroom over, right behind Callum and lets his hands stroke over his back and his stomach, avoiding his beautiful dick. Callum leans his head back onto Ben’s shoulder, lips upturned for a kiss that Ben willingly gives, continuing to fuck himself slowly on the dildo as Ben strokes his stomach. He’s so gorgeous, Ben bites down a little onto his glorious bare shoulder, and finally lets his hand drift downwards, tracing where the dildo is stretching Callum wide. He kisses him again and relishes in the groan that Callum gives into his mouth. “Show me,” he rasps, “show me how you really want to ride my cock.”

Callum grasps the back of the chair firmly, lets his eyes gaze hotly into Ben’s in the mirror and then he closes them and starts to move, fast and hard. He’s sliding up to the top of the dildo and then slamming himself down, working so deeply that Ben can see the way his thighs are trembling with the effort. His head is thrown back, his back and neck a long line of glorious sweat drenched skin and he’s moaning, so loudly and wantonly every time the dildo slides home that the blood just rushes to Ben’s cock from every other part of his body. He’s beautiful like this, taking his pleasure from the feeling of the cock inside him, moaning Ben’s name and Ben’s name only and Ben is almost speechless. Almost, though, because the one thing he wants more than just watching is for it to be his cock Callum’s fucking himself onto. He reaches down and circles the base of Callum’s cock, pushing his face into the back of Callum’s neck and licking at the sweet salty sweat that’s collecting there, biting lightly at the sensitive skin to hear the noise that rips out of Callum’s throat. “You’re not going to come yet,” he orders.

“No,” Callum whines, eyes screwed shut to hold off his orgasm and Ben can tell it’s only through sheer willpower that he’s not coming right now, “want to come with you. Want you inside me Ben, please. Want your cock.”

“I can’t deny you anything,” Ben admits as he trails his hands over Callum’s body. “I love you.”

“Love you too,” Callum whimpers, slowing his body down until he’s able to slide off the dildo with a hiss of emptiness. Ben takes that time to strip himself, as fast as he can with fingers that are shaking, and smear the pre come beading at the tip of his cock over the length. It doesn’t take much longer for Ben to grab at Callum’s hips and move him backwards, so he’s straddling Ben’s lap. He tilts Callum’s head towards him and captures his lips as he lines his cock up and with a hiss of pure pleasure, Callum slides down his cock instead of the dildo, until his arse is pressed against Ben’s thighs.

Ben’s so deep inside him he can feel every single twitch and clench of Callum’s over sensitised body and he has to hold him steady for a few minutes so neither of them come too early. He circles the base of Callum’s cock again, holding him on the edge until his breathing has settled a bit more and he’s starting to move his hips. “Ready?” he asks, into the shell of Callum’s ear, eliciting a shiver and a hitch of breath at the feeling of his lips so close to Callum’s skin.

Callum’s beyond words, but his eyes meet Ben’s in the mirror, his legs falling further open so Ben can see everything clearly, his cock buried in Callum’s body, the way Callum’s eyes are half lidded with desire and how hard his dick is, curving beautifully over his belly and leaving a slick trail behind. Callum swallows, leans his head back so he’s just a line of gloriousness and Ben can tilt his own head just so and kisses him, letting his tongue brush Callum’s lightly as he starts to thrust upwards into the perfect heat that surrounds him. Callum lets out the most delicious noise and he’s so close, he can’t even kiss Ben, just a fumble of lips and his mouth goes slack. Ben slides one hand around his stomach, the other gripping onto his hips and alternates between nipping the skin of Callum’s neck and watching them fuck in the mirror, the way Callum’s taking his cock to the hilt every time he thrusts in, the way he’s trembling and shivering and twitching.

He watches in the mirror as Callum surrenders to the intense feelings, his eyelashes fluttering onto his cheeks as he moans and whimpers and cries out as Ben fucks him steadily. Ben lets the hand he’s spayed out on his stomach fall to his cock, wrapping his fist around it and starting a counter rhythm with his thrusts, watching as the glistening head shuttles through his hand, as Callum’s body goes tense and stiff as he approaches his limit. Ben bites and then sucks on the mark on his neck, open mouthed and lets his thumb press into the slit of his cock and Callum falls to pieces in his arms, streams of come covering his chest and Ben’s hand as he sobs out his orgasm.

Ben stills for a second, catching his breath at the feeling of Callum’s body clenching as he comes, but wastes no time. He knows Callum will be sensitive now he’s just come, but he also knows that if he fucks him through it, he can take him to a higher level and bring him so much pleasure. He keeps his cock inside, pressing further in but not withdrawing, until Callum’s cock has stopped twitching and he’s gasping for breath. He also knows this position isn’t exactly the easiest to keep going but he wants to see Callum, wants to see as he gets fucked so good.

It doesn’t take much to slide Callum off his cock and get him onto his hands and knees, facing the mirror on their bed. Ben kicks the chairs away and gets on the bed on his knees, as close behind Callum as he can. His legs are pressed to Callum’s, keeping them open for him and he looks so beautiful like this. “Ready?” he murmurs. Callum can’t speak but he raises his head slightly and his lips part as he sees them together in the mirror, sexy and gorgeous and just so lovely. He nods, eyes fluttering and so Ben slides home straight away, moaning as he bends over Callum’s back and keeps himself buried deep inside until he’s sure Callum’s ready for him to move. Like this, he can kiss and bite the back of Callum’s neck, the top of his spine and his hands stroke over his sides and hips and back. Callum’s head is hanging down now, his breathing hard and uneven but his hand is reaching backwards, touching Ben’s thighs, stroking over his skin lightly, showing Ben he’s getting there, that he wants this. 

Ben starts off by circling his hips, keeping his cock so, so deep inside Callum’s perfect body, until Callum makes a noise, a strangled, bitten off groan and pushes backwards, sheathing Ben even further. He still can’t talk, but he raises his head and Ben sees his face in the mirror, flushed bright red, sweat dripping down his cheeks, mouth ajar as he tries to breathe and speak around the moans that are falling out of his mouth. He’s so beautiful, so gorgeous and Ben circles his hips once more, letting his lips touch Callum’s spine as he watches them in the mirror.

“Ready, baby?” he asks and Callum’s eyes flutter open as their gazes catch in the mirror and he knows he wants it. He pulls out, watching his cock as it slides out of Callum’s body to the very tip, and watching as Callum’s eyes shut in the mirror, his eyelashes dark and sticky against his red cheeks and bitten mouth. And then he slams inside and starts fucking Callum in earnest.

He splays his palm across the small of Callum’s back, sliding in so his thighs are bracketing Callum’s legs because he’s in bits the minute Ben starts pounding into him, Ben’s sure he’s only staying on his hands and knees through sheer stubbornness alone. His head drops down between his shoulders and the noises he’s making make Ben shiver and get in even closer, so his cock is sliding home every single time he pushes in, brushing over Callum’s prostate every time he thrusts. He’s watching as his cock slides in and out of Callum’s body, and then watching Callum in the mirror, his bowed back, the way his body is reacting to Ben, the way he’s scrabbling on the sheets and enjoying himself so much. It’s intoxicating, the way he just wants Ben. 

As Ben watches, Callum lifts his head up and Ben can see his pleasure written all over his lovely face, the way he gives everything into Ben. He’s always done this, ever since they started dating, giving Ben his all, and even now it makes his heart fill because he loves him so much. His cock is starting to fill out again, starting to harden under Ben’s ministrations and Callum responds, a moan moving through his pliant body into Ben’s cock, his fingers slipping backwards to touch Ben anywhere he can. He struggles to open his eyes and look at Ben and that’s almost enough to release his tenuous grip on his own self control. Callum’s eyes are practically black, his pupils dilated so much, full of love as he locks gazes with Ben in the mirror. “I love you,” he whispers, watching as Ben’s fucking him.

Ben groans, once, hips pistoning at the look of pure love Callum’s pining him with. “I love you,” he manages to say, bends himself over Callum’s back and fucks into him harder, deeper, faster. “Come for me, baby, come on.”

Callum whimpers and pushes himself backwards even more, impaling himself on Ben’s dick. “Want you to come too,” he whispers. “In me. Ben, please, want to feel you.” and he clenches hard, turns his face desperately towards Ben and manages to kiss him on the corner of his mouth.

Ben lets him, kisses him back with whatever coordination he’s got left as he fucks in and in and in and gets his hand back on Callum’s dick. The way Callum tightens around him, the pressure of his lips against Ben’s, the way he sits up suddenly onto his haunches so Ben’s even deeper and powerless to stop as Callum just grinds backwards and down, it’s all too much. With a groan, Ben’s orgasm hits hard and fast, releasing into Callum’s body as he sits backwards on his lap, and he only has enough awareness to squeeze Callum’s cock and pull him down, down onto his pulsing cock. It’s enough, with a cry, Callum comes for a second time, his cock managing a small stream of white as it twitches valiantly in Ben’s fingers, their mouths tremblingly pressed close together so they’re breathing the same air and touching in a light kiss.

It’s a while before Ben can move from where they’ve collapsed, and even then it’s just to pull out of Callum and roll them over, away from the wet patch on the bed. He spoons close in, behind Callum’s body, knees tucked behind his, fingers stroking over the sticky mess on his belly, lips pressing against the column of Callum’s throat. Callum’s breathing is slowly returning to normal, his fingers covering Ben’s on his stomach and interlacing with them before pulling them up so they’re settled over his heart. Ben can feel it pounding, fast and sure, beneath his palm. He knows he should get up and go and get a cloth to wipe them both down with, before they get crusty, but Callum murmurs when he tries to pull away and snuggles closer.

“Stay,” he whispers. “Missed you so much.”

Ben can’t resist him when he’s like this, so soft and sweet and pliant and he pulls him closer and lets his lips linger on his pulse point. “I missed you too,” he says, soft and low into Callum’s ear. “But you’ll be sticky too and stuck to me if you’re not careful.”

Callum huffs a laugh, turns his head so he can kiss Ben lightly. “I can think of worse things to be stuck to,” he says in between lingering kisses. “Besides, I want to fuck you later on, make you scream my name. Cleaning us off would be pointless until I’ve done that.”

“Oh,” is all Ben can say, but his cock twitches where it’s pressed against Callum’s arse, showing its interest in the plan.

“Welcome home,” a smug Callum says, kissing him yet again, love in his eyes and a smile on his beautiful face and Ben knows he is home, anywhere this man is.

“Welcome home, indeed,” he says, knowing he’s got the same dopey smile on his face as he leans in closer and gets his lips back onto Callum’s. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has said anything nice or left kudos on any of my fics recently. You are all wonderful ❤️


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